Chances. Take Some!

Could I be ready to take some BIGGER chances now? Absolutely!

Being the natural risk-taker and adventurist that I am, I take chances that some of those closest to me will never understand. My rationale in many areas makes sense to others most of the time, but often my perspective or my way of "doing things" can seem irrational to some.

Who cares? I surely don't when I've come to a conclusion about a decision that I've chosen to stand by.

Making a decision can be the most challenging "thing" to do for the best of us. One can never tell if they've made the "right" decision or not, without making one at all. Fence straddling is a job for birds.

Avoiding some "things" can be an easy task. I do it all the time. I tend to stay away from what I don't like. That includes people, places and things. The problem with this: Over time, I'm learning that I really do like some aspect of these "people, places and things" that I've trained myself to stay away from. Some lessons currently taking place in my life are how well I tolerate unpleasant experiences and circumstances. I can't run and/or hide from any/everything...

I like onions and blueberries too. Not together (don't be silly), but I've just come to this realization in recent years after taking a chance one day and trying each. I do have particular preferences when using these ingredients to prepare a snack/meal and I make selective choices with my mode of consumption.  I suppose my tastebuds are maturing as well...

It's funny how some of what I dislike and manage to endure beyond dissatisfaction -turns into a love for something...

Dream On. Dream Away.

This is my last week being 33-years old. I want to get excited about my birthday so this week I'll blog (randomly) about what I've imagined since I was a kid up until now.

...I couldn't wait to become "grown."

From my toddler days throughout my teenage years I loved animals. Dogs and cats in particular. I had a few goldfish that didn't live long. I remember having a bird that I was afraid of. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I'd tell people that I wanted to become a veterinarian.

I really believed in becoming a veterinarian until I was in about the 9th grade. Personal issues within my home were a distraction and I thought more about growing into an adult and not so much what "I'd be" when I became one. People used to tell me that I was mature for my age and I gravitated towards an older crowd when I was just a teen.

...I'm a "grown" woman now.


The music I listened to growing up influenced my fantasies about relationships. I'm rebuilding and creating new fantasies -now that I've had some relationship experience. It's still just as exciting to imagine the infinite possibilities of sharing life in love, but it's no child's play. I have children that are part of my "as is" package and my man has to understand exactly what "grown" is.


My beautiful daughters. Each display both sides of my personality to the extreme: Ms. Shy and Ms. Assertive. How very interesting, entertaining, and educating it is for me to observe, nurture, and guide them as they grow into adolescents and become young ladies. Through them I learn more about the woman I am and developing into everyday...

I'm happy being this woman. This woman has FAITH. This woman has STRENGTH. This woman is full of LOVE. This woman has COMPASSION. This woman is full of AMBITION. This woman IS!

OUR GOD! Thank YOU!!!

I happen to be awake and thought best to make due with my time during these wee-hours...

I've been in a jovial kind of mood and so wanting to please, that I decided to help my home. For the umpteenth time, I allowed the laundry to build into a ridiculous state for one person to be responsible for. Today is the day. "Right now!" That's what I told myself...

So I went. I can't explain it, but I love getting the laundry done at this hour. It feels weird during the day. Laughing out loud!

As I'm loading one of the washers, I realize 1 blanket wont fit. This blanket I've been holding onto for YEARS. I had to be a toddler when my grandmother gave it to me. It belonged to a Raggedy Ann bedding set. From the set, the only pieces remaining were a flat sheet and the comforter.

I figured it's about time that I let it go and I threw it in the trash nearby. I guess I must've completely forgotten about the homeless man who was sitting at the front entrance shivering cold when I first walked in. My GOD. Only GOD knows I meant no ill will and that I obviously, wasn't wholly thinking...

There was only 1 woman at the laundromat when I got there except the laundry attendant (also a woman). She must've had 20 loads to wash (a slight exaggeration). To think, I had the audacity to leave 2 loads at home. I really thought that I was doing something.

While her clothes washed, she washed her car outside. I watched as she cleaned the interior with such care when I noticed that she was using an old detergent bottle for her soapy water. I thought about how she was making good use of "things" and her time, even as late/early as it was in the day.

When she came inside, she made a comment about how cold it was outside...

I was thinking "I should be washing my car." Even as dirty as the vehicle is presently, there was no way that I was going to truly entertain that thought. I had nothing to prove. A mere thought...

When I left the laundromat I noticed the homeless man that I had seen earlier, sleeping outside wrapped tightly in the comforter that I had thrown away. I'm not sure who gave it to him. I just thanked GOD...

I Am. Period.

My aunt told me "I'm one in a million," today. How can I ever forget? :)


GOD I thank YOU for GRACE and MERCY in my life.

GOD I thank YOU for the simple, yet most complicated "things" that I have an understanding for.

GOD I thank YOU for the woman I AM and all my potential.

GOD I thank YOU for my sweet, crazy/square/cool, LOVING family.

GOD I thank YOU for my FAITH and my SPIRITUALITY.

GOD I thank YOU for KNOWLEDGE and WISDOM.

GOD I thank YOU for YOUR undeniable presence of which I AM BLESSED to be in tune WITH.

My Thanksgiving. Amen.

Let's Make: Monkeybread!

My mother would be so livid if I ever dared...

People make such a big deal about secret family recipe's, don't they? Well, they ought to. I'm not so sure that more than one family shares the exact same dish prepared the same exact way. Even though we all share some common family traditions.

Our family makes monkeybread. I never thought of it as a big deal, but the reaction that people have when they find out where to get one homemade is pretty flattering. To know that my mother shared a "jeweled recipe," that I can make mouths water over, is also quite incredible.

I actually planned on having Thanksgiving dinner at my place for a few close friends to enjoy with us this year. It just feels like I've made the best decision to just do what we normally do, and that's getting together with our little family. I'm the designated monkeybread maker regardless where we celebrate Thanksgiving.

My Aunt Babysister made it very clear when she called to let me know that Aunt Tootsie needed my help. She said, "whatever you decided to do for Thanksgiving this year, we still need you to bring the monkeybread." So after thinking about how I'll manage doing that and having Thanksgiving dinner at home too, it just seemed selfish to attempt a "drop-off" for my family.

Honestly, I'm relieved. While my friends will be up all night getting the holiday feast together, my monkeybread will have already baked! Not teasing, just making a point to myself of course, right? Right... Rolling on the floor laughing out loud! ;)

I will actually just relax as I think about the meal that my family, collectively will share... the thought is so YUMMY2MYTUMMY!!!

Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all: BE THANKFUL for IT all!

Thanking GOD for EVERYTHING all the time!!!

Growing Old. Together.

Today, I cleaned at my aunt's house for our family's Thanksgiving dinner that we'll be having there. It was actually her sister (my other aunt) who called me last week to see if I might be available to help. She also wanted to inform me that everyone would be bringing a dish from home and to let me know whose home we'll be dining at this year.

We all usually gather at my mother's house for Thanksgiving, but my aunt's husband has been ill and traveling away from home for too long, is too risky for his health during this time. I found it interesting that my aunt who needed the help, didn't call to ask for my assistance herself. Probably because one of my recent horoscopes predicted that a family member who was in great need of help was too prideful to ask so I should reach out.

I knew exactly who this prediction was pointing towards. My Aunt Tootsie. She never calls and asks me for anything, but I can only imagine how full her plate is caring for my Uncle Al who's more than 20-years her senior. She's so sweet and doesn't complain about anything. You can hear the smile in her voice through the telephone and you're certain to see that smile when you meet her.

Her sister, my Aunt Babysister doesn't (really) ask me for anything either. Neither of them have any children. Their brother, my Uncle Bill has one daughter, my older cousin. She and I, are the next generation on my mother's side of the family. This side of the family is quite small and they're all over 60-years old.

Thankfully, with the exception of Uncle Al, they're all still self sufficient and healthy enough to continue working. Aunt Tootsie is unable to work because she provides around the clock care for her husband. I was at her and Uncle Al's house for only 7 hours and I observed some things that helped me understand what unconditional love is.

Shamefully, I don't know exactly how long Uncle Al and Aunt Tootsie have been married, but I know they've been married as long as I've been alive and I'm almost 34-years old. They were and still are the shining example of a loving couple in my eyes.

Uncle Al must've lived his life as righteously as he could've and treated my Aunt Tootsie with tender care and respect. I say this because what I witnessed today, was not a depressed and overburdened woman, but a woman who is cherishing every moment and every opportunity that she has to make/keep her ailing husband at peace/comfortable.

As I cleaned, I thought to myself "she's needed some help for a while." This made me want to do more than just good. I went hard. She was modest about the tasks she wanted my help with so I took the lead and made it a point to impress her. Now that I think about it, I should probably tell her how impressed I am with her display of LOVE. Not only for her husband, but for everyone in our family and those that she comes into contact with. I will tell her!

My cousin is out of town visiting with her mother and burying her grandmother so the responsibility is granted to me. I accept. I can't complain. I have an able mind and an able body to serve where I am needed within my family. GOD willing, one day it'll be my turn. I'll be an elderly woman who'll need some help of some kind. I hope that my own righteous ways lead me to become worthy of such honor when I grow older.

I was really glad to be there with them today. The cleaning was no problem at all. I saw LOVE at work today and in action without friction. Uncle Al knows he's in good hands with his wife and I believe that's providing a higher quality of life for him as he ages. Aunt Tootsie is appreciative of her husband and she's using every second of each day to express that love without complaining about the responsibilities that come with the territory.

LOVE is real. LOVE is kind. LOVE is patient. LOVE is everlasting. GOD IS LOVE!!!  

Irregular. Consumption.

I was really struggling for a topic to blog about today until I turned on the television to find the Zen channel (what I enjoy writing to) and saw that the Basketball Wives finale was about to come on. I almost got drawn into watching this episode to quickly catch up on what I've missed during the last season.

Why?

Probably because I'm in a funky kind of mood today. There's so much "to do" and I just don't have the motivation today. I had a long weekend taking all things into consideration and I feel mentally drained. I am functioning on auto pilot and everything kind of feels like a drag. Thank GOD "I can" snap out of this.

I've mentioned before that I don't consume much TV, but today would've been a great time to give the Basketball Wives some attention. Why not indulge in their mess as they portray such self-absorbing images of what marriage is? Especially on a day when I don't have the energy to deal with my own nonsense.

What I realize more and more each day is that I have to monitor my consumption levels in all areas. I so over did it today -nutrition wise. No fitness today and I exercised poor self discipline with portion control at lunch. Now, I feel like blah and I wish that today was an agenda free Saturday.

Just as I know that, now isn't the time for me to watch that show; now isn't the time for me to slack during this phase of personal development. Perhaps I'll catch Basketball Wives on a different day, but I'm not looking for it and it doesn't really matter if I ever see it.

What is the true benefit/gain of watching and listening to other peoples lives on public display?

Might I add: We only see what's edited/deemed by production for/as our viewing pleasures.

Yes. Yes. Sitting here with my thoughts and my Zen music typing these letters into appropriate words forming my own sentences grammatically styled into paragraphs that are naturally structured flowing like a story that is nothing more than a real life testimony about a moment in time that I experienced and feel the desire to share...    

Monitoring myself, my behavior, my attitude, what/when/how and how much I consume from my environment internally/externally, mentally/emotionally/physically wherever I go/am at all times because I'm a child of GOD!