In Just. Four Weeks.

I will have an adult child by legal standards in exactly 30 days. I keep reminding her, that as long as she lives in my household and as long as I live she will respect me as her mother. Her future husband, kids, colleagues and circle of friends will as well. 

Or else...!!!

Family Time. Well Spent.

My big cousin from Chicago and his friend drove into Los Angeles from Las Vegas this morning so I took off from work early to hangout with them for a bit. We had lunch together and walked around the Beverly Center area. I really had a good time with them.

He reached out and I reached back. We both made an effort towards some moments worth sharing together. I may have only seen him all of 3-4 times in my life, yet I still feel the familial connection. "That" alone is meaningful. His friend "J" was good company as well. Today was a great day.

Work Oriented. Becoming More.

I got official notice today "that" I'm beginning my very first day of employment on Monday. "It" is pretty incredible how quickly this company moved things along to "buy" me out from the temporary agency I've working for since 2012. I've been on several assignments and "this" opportunity is by far the best!

Paying nearly $600 in health coverage has been stressing me financially to say the least. I've waited until the very last day of the month to pay the premium because all month long I contemplate on paying "it." The penalty for not having health coverage is much cheaper than my monthly premium times 12, but I have active children and we just can't be without "it." So, I bite the bullet as much as "it" has pained me. Thankfully, next month should be the last month I pay out of pocket because I'll be eligible for full benefits come June 2016.

I almost forfeited "this" opportunity because I've gotten so used to just being a temporary worker. I've been operating with a nonchalant attitude and it's only due to my intellect and the need to provide for my little family, that I've succeeded "this" far. After being interviewed by the individual whom I'll be reporting to, I felt so much more comfortable about switching hats. I explained, "that" I was nervous, but knew the opportunity wasn't one to pass on.

There's "something" to be said for people in the workplace who notice my capabilities. I began "this" job by completing minuscule tasks such as xerox copying, scanning and data-entry, but I performed the tasks like a scientist with a cheerful hearted smile. Sure, I know they saw my resume and were aware "that" I could do much more. Eventually, they did begin to ask me "to do" other "things." The interviewer told me during our first discussion that my work performance and interactions with others was receiving rave reviews. "This" really touched my heart.

So many times, I wanted to be appreciated for who I am and most people are energized when they know other's believe in them. I know "that" I can excel with "this" opportunity so I accepted "it" gladly. Further, I'm aware "that" I can use some professional coaching and mentorship. There's a whole lot of brainpower where I work and I respect "that." I want to be a reliable contributor and GOD willing I will.

Thank you LORD!!! For creating me, loving me, guiding me, and putting my life on a purpose-filled path. Without you I can do nothing. The best "thing" my mother did for me was show me how honor and praise you. I am standing strong in faith with every passing moment of each day. Thank you LORD!!!

Seventy. LXIX.

Happy early 70th Birthday Angel Mama!!!!!!!

4/2/1946 - 6/20/2014

The Best Cousin. Quon.

The best cousin I've ever known. Wouldn't trade her for any other.

I love this little petite, chocolate, real-life china doll so much!!! She has a warrior's spirit and is the most self-encouraging person I know. When she's ready to share her own personal story she will. I can't rob her of the opportunity so I'll only share what she means to me. 

We met when we were in junior high school. She and her sister were pretty popular there. Quon embraced me immediately and we soon became inseparable. "This" woman has had my back since day one. Although, most of my upbringing has been in the hood, I was still quite naive in some areas, which made me very susceptible to becoming victimized by nonsense.

I had already experienced being bullied heavily and fights were waiting on me at "this" school. Quon inspired a great amount of bravery in my being. To stand tough on my own wasn't really my issue. Standing up against the negativity of the masses is where I faced some challenges and here, is where my cousin demonstrated a high level of concern for my well-being. 

As small as she was then, she had a mouth "that" spit fire like a dragon and no one would persistently bother her. I can't fail to mention how quickly her sister, my cousin Missy was to fight to defend her big-tiny sister. Kids from their neighborhood knew better than to mess with these two sisters and when they took me in, folks knew who I was related to so they didn't bother me either. Much of my own street-cred I owe to my big brother and cousins, Quon and Missy.

To date, she is still "something" like a warrior. She commands respect and gets "it." I recall a time when we were roommates and I couldn't get her to do what I wanted so we had a heated arguement. "It" escalated to the point where I felt we were better off going our separate ways and we did; for many years. Her forgiving heart led her to reach out to me by visiting my mother when she was alive. I was so stubborn, that I didn't acknowledge her efforts for a few more unnecessary years. 

I need my cousin in my life. I know "this" now more than ever. She is a rock. My rock solid family member. She accepts me with all of my flaws and doesn't mind sharing her opinion even if it makes me steaming mad. Laughing within. Through our relationship I've learned how to let go much better. I recover from being upset much quicker these days thanks to my beautiful cousin. I've seen how she does "it" and how much happier "it" makes her to move forward beyond offenses without holding a grudge against those "that" matter to her. She really is a real person. Like it or not, Quon is true to her person and does not live life as a phony made up character.

The LORD blessed me with "this" walking miracle to remain present in my life. Through her I see a whole lot of myself. We have matured into independent women together and I'm glad "that" Quon still remains relevant in my life.  

Resurrection Sunday 2016. Easter.

                   

 

           

Thank you JESUS!!!

I Love. My Friends.

...just when I'm feeling down with my back against the wall, "something" special happens, which reminds me, that I am fine just as I am and everything will fall into it's proper place at the right time!

My Robin. Human Bird.

The one I was pregnant with, that a cutoff former family member tried to persuade me to terminate and not go through with "it" because she "didn't want me to be a statistic." I'm so glad, that I made up my own mind as I normally do. My baby girl keeps me on my toes because she's my wild child. She's enthusiastic about life, experiences and opportunities.

I remember missing my cycle in 2004. I didn't want to believe "that" I was pregnant because I had just told Mr. Man I didn't want to proceed any further in our relationship. Considering how I had just graduated from Pasadena City College with two Associate degrees and two vocational certifications, I thought the timing of my pregnancy wasn't too bad. Another unplanned, but still a blessing and gift.

Honestly, if I had interest in and wanted to create a new family with Mr. Man I believe he would've sided with me. I concluded, that he wasn't the man for me so I went through "this" pregnancy as a single mother by choice. "It" wasn't such a big deal to me experiencing "this" the second time.

When I told my mother, I remember like yesterday; she said, "How could you be so stupid?" I just replied, "how very rude, well there's no turning back now I'm having another baby and that's 'that'!" Rahbyn became my mother's "roadog" once she was born.

With "this" child of mine is where I learned what real parenting is. I had so much help with my firstborn daughter. When my second came along the help was all, but gone. The lifetime babysitter I thought I'd have around to help me raise 20 kids if I had them, passed away when I was 6-months pregnant. The LORD showed me how I had taken Ms. Mary for granted and "that" would be no more.

Of course, my youngest daughter would be the one to take me through all the "things" I missed raising my eldest daughter due to all the help I was privy to. Hardly anyone, aside from my mother would babysit Rahbyn because she was and still is, an attention seeking, busy-body, millions of questions-asking, child. There aren't many breaks with "this" one. Laughing within.

Because she possesses my curious personality, I have to keep close watch on her. I also, cannot trust many people to help me with her, because she can be overwhelming to handle at times and I don't want anyone to mistreat her out of frustration. She can be a bit too generous so I curb "that" as best as I can to prevent her from being taken advantage of.

I will admit, that because of the age gap between my daughters they each have to make personal sacrifices in order to keep us united as a family unit. What I mean by "this" is sometimes one can't participate in "something" which the other can and vice-versa. They have age appropriate interests "that" I must balance between. It'll be my youngest and I, once my eldest goes off to college this summer and I'll be able to give her more of my undivided attention.

Rahbyn Marie is an aspiring actress, gymnast, dancer and singer. 

Yes, entertaining is what she wants "to do." I've taken some beginning steps to help her reach these goals, but we're on hold while I do what's needed to ensure, that my eldest gets situated in college. I almost need a team or to become a supportive man's wife in order to pursue these acting dreams of hers aggressively because casting agents don't care about short notice nor do they understand my financial struggle and time constraints as a single parent. I'm brainstorming in the meanwhile how we'll approach a second round at "it."

The apple, which is one of her nicknames doesn't fall far from tree regarding intellect. She's much more compassionate than her sister and I. We're all sweet, but she's twice as. A little perfectionist who is also a role model for her peers. She excels academically, is passionate about learning, and likes to help. She's very loving too. I love my babies!!!

I named her Rahbyn because I wanted my children's names to sync and because I'm authentically unique, the spelling of her name is different from the bird name Robin. Yes, she sings too, but currently is more passionate about her acting, gymnastics and dancing. The sky is the limit and my human birds are going to fly high. No doubt. Manifesting!

My Canary. Human Bird.

My firstborn daughter was long overdue. I was beyond excited when I found out I was pregnant with her because I wanted to become a mom since middle school. So much, "that" I wrote down a list of names for baby boys and baby girls. Quenarii's name was taken from my personal list. Her name is pronounced as canary like the bird, however, I chose a unique spelling of her name to make "it" completely her own. We've only met one other girl with the same name, but spelled differently.

My daughter is the original, one and only, Quenarii on "this" planet in the entire universe. Ha!

I shared the news with her father, but we were on two different pages so I experienced my entire pregnancy as a single mother. Thank GOD I had my mom to talk to throughout "it." During "this" pregnancy we were best of friends.

Some of the most memorable experiences were my cravings for original Doritos chips dipped in chocolate chip ice cream and the stench of In & Out Burger, which made my morning sickness symptoms worse. I still, to "this" very day don't like the scent of In & Out Burger when I'm near one.

Now, about my big princess whom will turn 18-years old in less than two months. She's a beautiful, strong-willed, talented, intelligent, and a responsible, young Christian lady. My girl!!! She was a laid back baby and she's a laid back teen. Thank GOD!!!

She's always excelled academically and in her extracurricular campus activities. She was on the stepping team in middle school. She's currently on the dance-guard team and was a cheerleader during her junior year at her high school. I haven't even mentioned the role model she is to her peers and how she has stepped up in church when called upon.

A recommendation from her history teacher in middle school got her the opportunity to be accepted into the school she attends now. She was the first student at her high school to be accepted into a university. She's completing honors-level classes and has had a few advanced placement classes with the opportunity to earn college credits.


I really have a pretty-fantastic, awesome and amazing, well-representing, teen!

Because I once was a girl, I can comment accordingly. Girls are sassy and talk a lot. My teen is known by outsiders as quiet, but we know she can get beside herself with "that" mouth of hers. People tell me it's a common teenage phase, which helps, but I accept no excuses when "it" comes to respecting me as mom at all times. "This" was a huge challenge we faced last year, but "things" are shaping into positive gears between us as of now. I'm beyond glad.

My daughter is so much more on track in her life than I was at her age and I acknowledge "it." I do my best not to allow the financial setbacks I face to affect her having the best high school experience. "Where there's a will, there's a way" and I've got the will so ways are being made.

As we prepare for her prom, which happens to fall on the very same date as her birthday, I'm reminding myself, "that" by praying and keeping GOD at the forefront of my thoughts throughout each moment of each day, will help us to prosper. I cannot do "this" all on my own and I'm fully aware, but I know who can enable me to: JESUS!!!

I'm more blessed than I realize at times. My children are my greatest gifts. Becoming a mother to my beautiful firstborn daughter saved me from countless poor choices I'm sure I would've made. I felt the need to consider how my actions might impact my child's life. I still function with "this" thought in mind and "it" protects me from making too many careless decisions. I take my role as a mother seriously and witnessing how beautifully my big girl is blossoming is so rewarding.

So, does "this" uncaged bird sing and fly? Laughing out loud. Well, she does sing and once she completes her tumbling classes she'll be hand-springing in the air with wings of courage.

                                                                                             

Just Some. Moments.

                      Queen                                                                        Princesses     

Establishing our family legacy. 

Here. Briefly.

I'll return to highlighting my VIPs next week...

My Black History: Day 18.

Welcome to my Black Present...

The night before last I finished watching a documentary on DJ Quik. TV One showcases some of the best documentaries on Black celebrities who haven't received the acclaim they deserve. Unsung, hands-down, educates me so much about many of the artists I'm a fan of.

It includes credible interviews/commentary from their family members, colleagues and close friends. I learn about their upbringing, their influences, some secrets and detailed insights about them as ordinary people. How they became stars isn't the primary focus, but of course, how they began their road to celebrity isn't omitted.

Unsung is one of my other favorite shows to record then catch up to watch when I find the time to sit still long enough "to do" so. 

#BlackEntertainmentResource

My Black History: Day 16.

My Lovely Little Family!!!

"This" is our Black Present.

My Black History: Day 11.

It's said, that children mimic their parents behavior. Well, I definitely did with the status that my family makeup represents. Single Black mothers with two children from two different men. 

Easily categorized as just a statistic, but I know we're so much more than just "that." 

Mama and her two kids.

Me and mine.

We are GODs gifts and life is a gift HE gave to us!!!

Twentieth. Friday.

Numbered days for each month and names for each day...

I'm affected by numbers and days of the week. The 20th day of each month will forever remind me of the last Friday I spent with my mom in the physical form. I've decided today, that I will not allow sadness to run rampant within me on either. This happens to be the first Friday on the 20th since that landmark date in 2014.

Twenty is now a new number I'll use for lottery selections when I play. Friday's will remind me of an accomplished week and a semi-break until Monday returns. I'm proud of myself and I know that my mommy's angel is in my midst. Eight months ago to date I was reborn.

When I screamed as my mother's spirit ascended from her flesh it was just like my first cry when I was first born. In that moment, I was one with GOD. Otherwise, the medical staff would've probably had to admit me. I never allowed myself to imagine life without my mother or brother. At the mere thought, I used to tear up and had to rebuke that frame of thinking. I just knew that my mom was going to be an old lady I'd be responsible for and I suppose I kind of thought my brother would get life in prison if he didn't leave the gang life behind.

Man was I wrong! So very wrong in my small human thinking. The LORD has bigger plans for my time. Not only was my mother spared from months, possibly years of suffering; I was spared the burden of putting my life on hold to care for my ailing mom and also, from the obligation I would've felt towards by brother had he ended up in prison for life. I am free. Free to be the woman I'm evolving as without being inhibited.

I was raised in a very controlled environment. Even into my adulthood I've been overly concerned about what my mother would say about my decisions and actions. I've taken a break from regular church attendance in order to rid myself from being concerned with what the saints might say or advise me to do. I'm ONLY following demands and orders from the MOST HIGH. Period. I don't have to answer to man and I will no longer seek human approval. Over "that" completely now.

I'm finally growing up at 37-years young! There will be no more drama running to mom and no more big brother to the rescue. I miss them immensely, but sadness doesn't overrule the lifetime of lessons and love I received which I'll keep locked inside my heart forever.

Right now I'm being made ready for my lifemate as I continue to do my best raising my children as a single mother. I'm in no hurry. During this season of preparation I'm finding myself again. I've been operating on autopilot for so long I had almost forgotten how to just live. I'm happily learning how to all over again and remembering how much I love myself. "It" feels fresh and brand new.

Today is now and at "this" present moment I am blessed. 

20th - FRIDAY

I Am. Period.

My aunt told me "I'm one in a million," today. How can I ever forget? :)


GOD I thank YOU for GRACE and MERCY in my life.

GOD I thank YOU for the simple, yet most complicated "things" that I have an understanding for.

GOD I thank YOU for the woman I AM and all my potential.

GOD I thank YOU for my sweet, crazy/square/cool, LOVING family.

GOD I thank YOU for my FAITH and my SPIRITUALITY.

GOD I thank YOU for KNOWLEDGE and WISDOM.

GOD I thank YOU for YOUR undeniable presence of which I AM BLESSED to be in tune WITH.

My Thanksgiving. Amen.