My Intended. Blogcation.

As some personal prioritized deadlines approach I feel a strong need to vacate from "this" space temporarily to give my undivided attention to my real live life tasks at hand. Over the next few months I'll be...

• Finalizing what's necessary to secure my eldest daughter's college admission, registration for classes and her big move out of state.
• Making the necessary preparations for her birthday/prom big bang event.
• Studying intensely about the organization I'm now employed by to further secure my position.
• Packing to put some "things" in storage.
• Disposing of many "things" that just don't need to follow us into our new place.
• Finding/securing a suitable location/place where we'll make "it" our new home.
• Moving into our new place and making "it" a home.
• Amongst other "things" unnamed at "this" present moment.

So, to those "that" do check in here to see what's new in my world, you'll have to check out my archives during the meanwhile as I take care of family business as head of my household. I shall return in due time with some new updates and more interesting stories, than I can share now. If no one tells you and you're not feeling any of "it" know "that" I love you as you are and accept you totally for who you may become, whether I've actually met you or not. Your presence here is enough to warrant my acknowledgement and general respect for the time you took to read my dear blog.

#AsUwereCarryOnAsIdotheSame

Attitude Refreshed.

In my new role at my job "it" involves many meetings, notes on top of more notes, and a willingness to do homework. There was a time in my life where once the end of the business day comes so do my efforts towards "it." I'm now in a position where I really want maximize my professionalism.

I always want to know what I'm doing and to be able to perform tasks with high efficiency. "This" is a first where I actually want to do the homework necessary to become more competent in my role. As tired as I feel right now, I'm going to study accordingly and be as ready as I need to be for the meeting tomorrow morning.

My mom used to say I had a very bad attitude. Sometimes I do, but it's not something I'm proud of so "it" is being checked daily as I remain aware of my need to improve in "this" area. I'm so grateful and appreciative for the faith, that my colleagues have in me, "that" I refuse to just float with the workflow. I plan to grow personally and professionally with "this" opportunity.

More than a splash I am. I'm a wave of new energy with a renewed spirit fit for regal crowning. 

Got my new bag. 

Next, I'm getting new shoes to go with my new walk. 

#strut

At Work. I Slay.

Ok...

"This" lady is in formation.

Ok... I slay. All day!!! Ok.

Around Here. Touching Hearts.

For the second time in less than a month, I've caused a woman whom I don't even know to shed tears. The first was a vibrant young lady, probably all of 18-years old. I went to sandwich spot called California Steak and Fries while my eldest daughter was at her tumbling class. She was the cashier there and full of personality.

For some odd reason, she began sharing stories with me about her cute boyfriend and an ugly one. Laughing within. She tickled my heart with her forwardness and I found myself not wanting to leave, but my daughter looks forward to me watching her practice so I had to jet out. I even told my children about "this" young lady.

The next week while on our way from my daughter's tumbling class I stopped by the sandwich spot again. I was hungy. Not that hungry, but I wanted to see if the sweet young lady was there and she was. I was happy to see her as if I really knew her. I asked her about her boyfriends and she said, "that" she let go of the cute one and replaced him. She told me how the ugly one was getting on her nerves and "that" she was going to replace him too. "This" little lady!

I guess "this" particular night was my night to share. I pulled up my younger daughter's fan page to show her how we had made some attempts towards getting her exposed to the entertainment industry. She made some suggestions and said we should just create a youtube channel with some interesting content instead of going the cattle call route. She said her former cute boyfriend was Instagram-famous and if we wanted, she could get him to shout my daughter out. I appreciated her enthusiasm, but we're on hold until further notice with "that" pursuit.

I inquired about her family and she said she was a middle sister of three girls and two boys. I said to her, "You all probably drive your mother crazy." I forgot what else, but I asked another question about her mother then she said her mother had passed away from breast cancer last December. I shared with her how I lost mine in 2014 to lung cancer. I told how abruptly "it" all happened and she began to tear up, which caused me to do the same. I beckoned for her to come from around the counter so that I could hug her and we cried together for a brief moment. "It" was an embrace "that" I believe both our hearts needed. Whether I ever see her again, I'm forever touched by her sweet spirit and strength.

The second occurance happened just about an hour ago. My youngest daughter and I were shopping inside of a Family Dollar discount store searching for some items for her school project. The place was cluttered inside and there was a long line with only one cashier. After finding what we needed, we got in line. "It" moved fairly quickly, however, some of the people in line were a little impatient.

One very ignorant man walked up to the front of the line and very rudely, asked the cashier, "You mean to tell me, you're gonna have me stand in this long line and it's only one cashier?" The cashier replied calmly, "I'm sorry sir there's only one other cashier and I sent her to lunch, plus she's new." The man responded, "So that's the answer?" She said, "Unfortunately sir, yes."

If the expression on his face was a loaded gun, she would've been shot. He signaled to his friend to come on and as he walked toward the door he said to the cashier, "Time is money. By the time I make it up there to you, you'll owe me money." The nerve! This man was dirty and had a whole lot of nerve being so disrespectful towards "this" woman. As he and his friend walked out of the store we were next up. I said to the woman, "GOD Bless you working here. I couldn't put up." I thought, that she began to appear flushed and when I looked up at her to grab my receipt, tears were streaming down her face. I told her don't cry, just pray and look for other jobs; to try temp-agencies.

As we walked out, my daughter said, "that's sad." I agreed. When we got into the car I felt so bad for the woman knowing all "that" she must put up with working there. I sat in the car for a moment thinking about what I could do to help her. I did the only "thing" I could, which was write down my contact information, the name of the temp-agency I worked for, and noted that I could help her with her resume if she wanted. I went back into the store and she still hadn't totally regained her composure, but I got her attention anyhow and passed her my little note. She took "it" and said thank you.

I'm glad the man left, but the entrance to the place is on the side, not facing the street and there was no security guard present. Just cameras throughout the store and probably in the parking lot. Bottom line, the location is not safe, especially for a woman to be manning the place alone. I'm strongly considering making an attempt to get in contact with the owner on her behalf, but the complaint is mine and mine alone. I wouldn't want to jeopardize her job. It's obvious she needs "it."

Why else would she subject herself to "that" treatment working there? Yes, I witnessed just one situation, but I saw deeper pain in her eyes and I wanted to remind her "that" she has options no matter how far-fetched the possibilities may seem at "this" present time.

"Where there's a will, there's a way."

#PrayingForUsAll

No Theme. For April.

I'm returning back to my randomness effective now. Part of me wants to abandon ship here... Again. My other parts say keep moving forward without any unnecessary pressure, but don't leave "this" precious blog to just sit unattended to. When I log into my blog sometimes I wonder how I allowed an entire year to pass without posting one single entry during the year of 2013.

I mean, for me to go from posting daily on weekdays, to writing absolutely nothing for a consistent 365 days doesn't really make clear sense. Of course, the bottom line is I just didn't want to, but how much do I have on my agenda daily, "that" I just don't want to do, yet "it" still has to get done? Let's just say "it" is much.

So, "I can" push beyond the lack of motivation I'm feeling today. "It" is simply, just a moment in time. One little moment which will pass. If I'm blessed to return here tomorrow, I'll be glad "that" I did "this." I know myself and tonight I'm encouraging myself to proceed further with "this" blog of mine.

Two Days. Two More!!

To share about to complete this month's theme highlighting the VIPs in my life. 

Maysha & Quon are last, but far from least. Power Personalities to be described.

My Life-Size Image.

My Robin. Human Bird.

The one I was pregnant with, that a cutoff former family member tried to persuade me to terminate and not go through with "it" because she "didn't want me to be a statistic." I'm so glad, that I made up my own mind as I normally do. My baby girl keeps me on my toes because she's my wild child. She's enthusiastic about life, experiences and opportunities.

I remember missing my cycle in 2004. I didn't want to believe "that" I was pregnant because I had just told Mr. Man I didn't want to proceed any further in our relationship. Considering how I had just graduated from Pasadena City College with two Associate degrees and two vocational certifications, I thought the timing of my pregnancy wasn't too bad. Another unplanned, but still a blessing and gift.

Honestly, if I had interest in and wanted to create a new family with Mr. Man I believe he would've sided with me. I concluded, that he wasn't the man for me so I went through "this" pregnancy as a single mother by choice. "It" wasn't such a big deal to me experiencing "this" the second time.

When I told my mother, I remember like yesterday; she said, "How could you be so stupid?" I just replied, "how very rude, well there's no turning back now I'm having another baby and that's 'that'!" Rahbyn became my mother's "roadog" once she was born.

With "this" child of mine is where I learned what real parenting is. I had so much help with my firstborn daughter. When my second came along the help was all, but gone. The lifetime babysitter I thought I'd have around to help me raise 20 kids if I had them, passed away when I was 6-months pregnant. The LORD showed me how I had taken Ms. Mary for granted and "that" would be no more.

Of course, my youngest daughter would be the one to take me through all the "things" I missed raising my eldest daughter due to all the help I was privy to. Hardly anyone, aside from my mother would babysit Rahbyn because she was and still is, an attention seeking, busy-body, millions of questions-asking, child. There aren't many breaks with "this" one. Laughing within.

Because she possesses my curious personality, I have to keep close watch on her. I also, cannot trust many people to help me with her, because she can be overwhelming to handle at times and I don't want anyone to mistreat her out of frustration. She can be a bit too generous so I curb "that" as best as I can to prevent her from being taken advantage of.

I will admit, that because of the age gap between my daughters they each have to make personal sacrifices in order to keep us united as a family unit. What I mean by "this" is sometimes one can't participate in "something" which the other can and vice-versa. They have age appropriate interests "that" I must balance between. It'll be my youngest and I, once my eldest goes off to college this summer and I'll be able to give her more of my undivided attention.

Rahbyn Marie is an aspiring actress, gymnast, dancer and singer. 

Yes, entertaining is what she wants "to do." I've taken some beginning steps to help her reach these goals, but we're on hold while I do what's needed to ensure, that my eldest gets situated in college. I almost need a team or to become a supportive man's wife in order to pursue these acting dreams of hers aggressively because casting agents don't care about short notice nor do they understand my financial struggle and time constraints as a single parent. I'm brainstorming in the meanwhile how we'll approach a second round at "it."

The apple, which is one of her nicknames doesn't fall far from tree regarding intellect. She's much more compassionate than her sister and I. We're all sweet, but she's twice as. A little perfectionist who is also a role model for her peers. She excels academically, is passionate about learning, and likes to help. She's very loving too. I love my babies!!!

I named her Rahbyn because I wanted my children's names to sync and because I'm authentically unique, the spelling of her name is different from the bird name Robin. Yes, she sings too, but currently is more passionate about her acting, gymnastics and dancing. The sky is the limit and my human birds are going to fly high. No doubt. Manifesting!

Nineteen Years Ago. "This" Date.

I was 19-years old. I almost accidentally checked out of life due to personal lack of self-control and rage during a moment... which eventually passed. The experience changed me. I'll have to say for the better. Had I not gone through suffering the consequences of such behavior "that" day; there's no telling what today for me, would be.

"It" may have been around "this" very hour on March 11, 1997. I remember waking up in the intensive care unit at Daniel Freeman Memorial Hospital, hooked up to monitors with my family surrounded around me. I remember exactly what my mother and brother said to me. My mom said, that I had been in surgery a long time. My brother asked me who was involved and told me he would go blow up the spot...

###

Time really does fly by.

 I love & miss them... They each equipped me with the strength and courage to stand. As I do now.  

Life checked me.

GOD Saved Me!!!

#LessonsLearned

*Daniel Freeman Memorial Hospital's emergency staff were on task, highly-skilled in their medical professions and helped to save my life. They also helped me give birth to new life and assisted with saving hers. How could a place like "this" close?

It's all about the money.

Golden Hearted. Lizzy-Wizzy.

I sometimes feel, that I'm unworthy of her friendship. She's so patient and understanding with me. We met 21-years ago. Who would've ever known, that we'd still be so relevant in each other's lives currently, today? No one, but GOD!!!

"This" lovely friend of mine has a golden heart. We have never argued. Debated; respectfully, but never have we crossed over the line into disrespect throughout our entire friendship. There's just "something" special about my Lizzy-Wizzy. I recognized "this" long ago and I protect her from my wrath when I'm experiencing challenging moments.

She probably feels a little excluded from my life at times, but she knows the truth. Having a friend whom knows me inside/out, but never places any judgement upon me or competes in our friendship helps me be more accountable of my actions or those lacking.

We both are GODmothers to our daughters. She has three and I have my two. I became a mom first, then she, then me again, then her again and again. Surprisingly, she gave birth to a third baby girl. No third birth for me and seeing her having to prioritize/manage her time with/between all of my GODdaughters further solidifies my choice to be done with having babies.

My Lizzy-Wizzy is one of the best mother's I know. I always knew she'd be a great mom, but her life actually, as a mom supersedes most of my best expectations. Did I mention how patient she is? I should take several notes because I've witnessed firsthand, how calmly she reacts in pinched moments. There's a level of cool, that doesn't escape her being; ever.

Tear-jerking share: I was a bit out of it when my mother first passed away. I don't know why, but I immediately began sending texts informing people. Lizzy-Wizzy was one. I don't know how she got to me so quickly, but she walked right into that hospital room and brought me comfort in one of the most life-changing awkward moments of my life. I believe she rushed off enroute to me at the end of one of her daughter's graduations.

Talk about a friend... I'm so blessed having "this" beauty to refer to as one of my bests. How she puts up with me; only GOD knows, but I love her beyond words!!! Thank you, LORD for allowing us to cross paths and keeping us close!!! 

Even when we're not communicating regularly. "That" doesn't change a "thing."

Spirit Food. Mr. CJ.

My playbrother is like a real brother, but seeing how I only had one biological brother whom was killed in 2003; I never want anyone to mistake either and I'll always keep my brother's memory alive by making mention of him.

There's an inside joke amongst those in my circle. They say, CJ and I are going to end up together. Laughing out loud and within. We know one another quite well, which is why I think it's pretty hilarious, that since we've been friends for so long other's think we should just "hook up" and become a couple. Neither of us would even consider jeopordizing our friendship on any attempt at becoming a couple.

CJ and I are exactly what the LORD wants us to be; friends. We share an honest friendship and a divine kinship. I learn a whole lot from him regarding the male perspective and he learns much about women through my personal insights. He has two younger sisters he grew up with so I take on the big sister role with him, although we're the exact same age; probably hours and minutes apart. We also share the same exact birthdate.

Aside from CJ being one of my most reliable friends, there are some milestones in my life where his presence will forever remain irreplaceable. He has a lifetime freedom pass into my life and he's definitely a VIP. I can't name every time or each occurrence where he's been dependable for not just me, but for my family as well because he's been here for me and my girls through almost everything.

He visited me in the hospital both times I gave birth. My daughters truly value him as their uncle. Every event we've invited him to, he attends. He's even surprised us with tickets to various outtings and performances. I can always count on him for a small loan when neeeded and he doesn't sweat me about the payback. He is listed as an emergency contact at both of my daughters' schools. By every account, he is my bestfriend, but I'm also very fortunate to count on him as my playbrother. He's the little brother I never had growing up and I love him just as he is!

Sidenote: He's a good man. One day he'll make a great husband and father to his own family. He loves the LORD with all of his heart and his daily actions are based upon "this" truth. Only GOD can fill him with the patience and understanding necessary to be categorized as a VIP in my life. I'm thankful, "that" he allows his cup to be filled with the Holy Spirit and for his willingness to deliver whatever/however accordingly.

I'm so blessed having him as a spiritual brother and to count on him as my friend. CJ is star in my world. I will cherish our friendship forever. 

#FACT

My Black History: Day 21.

Well, look at "this." I'm blogging for my 201st time on day 21 of my Black History series and it's leap year. I have a couple of "things" to mention within today's post so here I go...

As the very last day of my own Black history month of recognition, I'm reminded about the significance of numbers. Seven as being very Holy to me. So, capping my series at 21 feels like I'm in the right place at the right time. My family consists of 3 members and by my personal calculations I've done a good "thing" here with "this."

Remember the white board, that I brought into our house which ultimately became our inspiration board? Well, it's still making good use. My youngest daughter drew a picture commemorating Black History. I'm so touched by her creativity/artistry. Black History month keeps us informed and teaches the younger generations about all the challenges we've overcome and those, which we still face as Black people in America.

"No More Segregation!!!" That's what my little girl meant.

I agree. Diversity over division. 

So, last leap year I wrote a letter to my future husband with hopes that by this leap year I'd be married. Well, I'm no one's wife, not engaged and can not honestly say, "that" I'm in a serious relationship. Still not time for me and I'm ok with "it." All in GODs timing so I'll just continue to hold onto my faith and wait for the lifemate, that He is purposely readying for only me.

My momentum for blogging is at an all time high. I look forward to these moments when I force myself to stop whatever "it" is I'm doing to turn inward and to concentrate on my own thoughts, while also, creating "this" digital journal, that I can refer to at my leisure. "It" is indeed, a very good "thing." 

"Won't stop. Can't stop. Not now."

My Black History: Day 20.

I'm honoring my lovely, Black-self on this lovely Friday. It's been quite nice reflecting on my own Black History throughout this month. Sure we have our common Black History themes annually and the reminders about who paved the way for so many of us today, which is necessary, but far too often we are persuaded to behave like, appear like, and to lead our lives like others. I have a right to turn inward and to concentrate on my own life without feeling guilty, which is exactly what I do here in "this" blog.

 I'm so glad to be back! 

Welcome to my Black present! 

My Black History: Day 19.

Quotes I've heard in the sanctuary... Elsewhere too.

"If HE brought you to it, HE will bring you through it!"

"Ain't nobody like the GOD I serve."

"Can't nobody do me like JESUS!!!"

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths."

-Proverbs: 3:5-6

Text taken from the Bible.

I don't know where my mother cut out this scripture from, but it sits in the same place where she left it in her bedroom, which I utilize now. Growing up attending church, we memorized many scriptures. I only remember a few now and "this" one is my motto. I'm forever grateful, that my mama taught me the best lesson ever, which is to praise the LORD and to acknowledge Him in all my ways. I really don't know where I'd be without my faith in the LORD JESUS CHRIST!!! 

My Black History: Day 9.

I'm flabbergasted, that I still remember the very first house I lived in with my mother and brother. I have vivid memories about living on Fedora Street in Koreatown for my first 6-years of life. I used to play with a little girl named Patricia, but was never allowed in her home. No problem with "that." It's just something I recall. She used to sneak across the street to play with me because she wasn't supposed to leave her front yard. Needless to say, her parents were very strict.

At "this" time of my life I didn't know much about differences in culture or "that" any divide existed between various ethnic groups.

I'm really blessed being alive and having the ability to blog. I reflect back to my childhood and think heavily about a particular incident where nothing, but GOD kept me from becoming an abducted child. Patricia and I, were almost victims of kidnap. On one afternoon, we both snuck around the corner on our Big Wheel tricycles. "This" was also during the era of the "night-stalker" who was a serial killer on the loose in Los Angeles.

We were halfway around the block when an old white man in a station wagon pulled up alongside us. I'm not sure about Patricia, but I don't recall knowing better than to talk to strangers so when he stopped and spoke to us I responded. He pushed his passenger door open and asked me to come closer. I got off of my tricycle and I remember telling Patricia to come, but she stayed put on her tricycle and shook her head no.

As I approached his vehicle, he pulled out his private part and asked me if I wanted to touch "it." I remember being afraid and telling him no as I began to step back. I was actually close enough for him to grab me if he had done so instead of grabbing himself. He asked me if I wanted to go for a ride and I said no. Patricia beckoned me to get back onto my tricycle and we screamed as we peddled away as quickly as we could, returning back around the corner from which we came. The man didn't follow us. He proceeded forward and we never saw him again.

Thank GOD!!!

We told our parents and I remember my family being pretty frantic about the ordeal. They thought the man might have been the "night-stalker." He wasn't him, but still a pedophile. Although, I described him above by skin color and age, based upon my memory. I don't hold his actions towards me against any other old white man. Unfortunately, I've experienced other similar scenarios during my teen year, even some as an adult and guess what? The men involved weren't white.

Individuals should be held accountable for their actions and not be deemed as representatives for their entire ethnic group. "This" kind of grouping is unjust, invalid and ignorant.

"This" experience is one I just haven't forgotten. All the news stories I've heard and read about regarding child abductions takes me back to "that" memory. "It" causes me to be very overprotective with my children.

With so much else going on in the world, it's pretty unbelievable how some people choose to focus on the color of someone's skin and/or their past. My childhood friend Patricia was Korean. I grew aware of "this" fact long after we moved out of "that" neighborhood. "It" was never an issue and still today, "that" isn't what I remember most. I remember her being a wise little girl and perhaps, saving my life by knowing better than to talk to strangers. Had she be in agreeance with me, I may not have ever seen today.

My Black History: Day 6.

Today, I'm remembering those who've influenced me most, but have gone on to glory.

My Black History: In Memoriam

Granny (My mama's mom) - I was only able to spend 7-years with you before you were called, but I'm forever grateful for the sweet memories, that just don't leave my mind and heart.

Mrs. Smith (6th grade gifted/choir teacher) - I know that love exists in the hood and not everyone stereotypes because you allowed me to be the person GOD designed me to be without judgement.

Spook (My big brother) - I believe in myself and my abilities because you reminded me, that I'm important.

Kristen (My classmate from Pasadena City College) - I can laugh at time because of you. I only knew you for a short period, but you shared some special moments and insights about family with me, that I'll cherish forever.

Mrs. Mary & Jimbo Swift (Caretakers of my eldest daughter/substitute parents) - I was able to pursue my goals of completing college because the two of you allowed me the break from time, that I needed as a young, single-parent trying to build a stable foundation for my little family.

Ma (My biological mother) - I possess the strength you instilled within me and I maintain because you taught me how to survive.

These seven individuals made a huge impact on my life. I remember them everyday. I will forever treasure the stories of our lives together and continue to honor you with thoughtful action. May all of your souls continue to rest peacefully with our Lord, Savior and Father!!!

#MyRockAngels4Life

My Black History: Day 1

Defining My Black

What am I? Black or African American? 

I've debated with folks about trying to differentiate the two, but If I'm forced to choose, I can tell you.

I AM A BLACK WOMAN. 

To date, I haven't been interested enough in tracing my family tree to its original roots, but with knowledge passed on by some of my elders from my mother's side of the family, we're linked to the Cherokee Indian Tribe. I don't know a single African member of my family. It's no one's fault. Just a fact. 

The Black vs. African American argument can get complicated, but for me it's quite simple. I won't state it here, but I can't omit how the "N-word" plays a significant role in "this" as well. I'll explain further.

In a former Cultural Pluralism class I took at CSUDH  one of my classmates got into a heated discussion with our professor about his personal experiences interacting with Africans in America who were originally born in the Motherland. He said, that he was looked down upon by Africans as an African-American man born in America and because of "this" he doesn't consider himself African-American, but a Black-American. He went on and on about how Black-Americans are perceived by Africans as ignorant Americans who don't know their history without any real connection to Africa.

Of course, his experiences don't define mine, but Africans, African-Americans and Black folks, have a continuous problem, that other's can't fix for any of us. The onus is on us. There are no ifs, buts, or any way around "this."

I wish there wasn't so much residue still present from the times of slavery. I wish "that" none of us possessed the "(house) N-word or (field) N-word" mentality; let alone, the existence of the word in any dictionary. Martin Luther King, Jr. had a dream and I have wishes.

Blackest vs. the not-so Black = N-word vs. African-American.

We divide ourselves. I recall being in the 7th grade when I first learned, that I was a "light-skinned" Black girl. Before then, I only knew "that" I was Black and stemmed from a Black family. Being labeled as such brought on a lot of confusion and the need to defend myself as a real Black girl, but why? 

How dare anyone discount my belonging to Blackness, simply because I have lighter skin? That's how I felt then and still, now. I'm more attracted to darker skin, however, Black is Black as far as I'm concerned.

I'm not mixed; both my parents: Black. It's not just "something" I identify as. "It" is how I was born.

One of my childhood bestfriend's is a dark-skinned chocolate beauty. I used to have a hard time believing her when she said her mother treated her lighter-skinned siblings better. Until, her children shared their own experiences with me about how differently they're treated by their grandmother. "It" seems unreal, but unfortunately, it is and her family isn't the only Black family guilty of influencing the division present in our culture.

Black people are an ethnic group. African-Americans are those whom haven't traced their roots of origin, but were born here in America and simply accept the identifier-label as a Black individual. The exception: Africans born to American parents or those who are actually mixed, having one African parent and the other, American. All Black folks regardless of their origin, were referred to as "N-words" at some point in history and even in some cases still, today. 

Do I use the "N-word?" When speaking in slang, which is my native tongue, and only in conversations with people who comprehend my language. For others, I'm aware "it" offends, therefore, I exercise courtesy and consideration of their feelings by refraining from using "it" in their presence. 

Words are as powerful as we make them and allow them to be. I am much more concerned with how people treat me versus what's said. Words have meanings, but don't define anything substantial without action.

Back to the "N-word?" I had an argument a few years ago with a man I was dating who tried to convince me, that there's a difference between a "N-word" and being Black. In a nutshell, all the examples he used to make references to what a "N-word" is offended me on several levels because I fell into some of those categories. He wasn't bold enough to say "it" to me directly, but he insinuated that "N-words" come from disadvantaged backgrounds, generations of ignorance, and aren't capable of acclimation. Remember, slang is my native tongue so what he was attempting to state or how I interpreted "it" was simply, that "N-words" come from, live-in and act "ghetto." Not Black people.

...To be continued on Day 2.

 

More. Less!

I missed blogging yesterday. It's on my mind now "to do" so.

 

So here "I am." 

For a brief moment. 

Two Days. Bye Nine.

"This" is the last Thursday, that my youngest daughter will be 9-years old. I remember when I found out that I was pregnant with her. I had just completed my Broadcast Journalism and Radio Production certification courses at Pasadena City College. Another unplanned pregnancy and I had no interest in becoming more serious with her father.

Why not? Don't be nosey!

Out of respect for my children, I will not publish anything negative about their fathers. Yes, "that's" plural. I have two children by two different men, that I never married. So what. I'm not the first mother with this background and I won't be the last.

Judge me, not. Only GOD!!!

My eldest was beyond excited to become a big sister. She yearned for a little sister and blessedly, her wishes came true. My little family of two grew to three on January 23, 2006. I must admit, their relationship is nothing like I imagined it'd be.

Each share my personality, but to the extreme in some areas with one not speaking out enough and the other talks a lot... Very much. One is quite stingy and the other is a bit too generous. They're both beautiful, intelligent and talented. Like me. ;)

With a 7 1/2-year age gap, we've faced our share of challenges, even though we've been a household full of estrogen. It's been difficult scheduling family outings and deciding where to go, because my daughter's preferences and levels of understanding, land on separate moons. I know, that they love one another, but they don't regularly exercise much patience towards each other and too often, I find myself playing referee between them.

One wants to do "this" and the other wants to do "that." One is too mature for "this" and the other too young for "that." One wants to bring a friend along because her sister brought a friend the last time. Oh, it goes on and on... Let's just be reminded, that girl's are really something else; never satisfied. 

So now, that my eldest will soon be an adult and on her way to college, my youngest will have the opportunity to have me totally at home. She yearns for more one on one time with me and when it's just the two of us, I'm more attentive to her needs. As one could expect.

My youngest has been eyeing her first double-digit birthday since she was 5-years old. She's only grown more anxious about it over the passing years because I told her the next birthday party she'd have, would be when she reached ten. So here we are, finally. 

"This" year, beyond her birthday a big change will come. Still, a family of three we'll remain, however, it'll be just she and I in our household when she begins the 5th grade once summer's over. "Things" will become quite different. I'm looking forward to it because as a single parent with two children, it's challenging balancing fairly between them.

The little one will soon get to experience what it feels like to be an only child within our household. I know that I shouldn't, but I've felt guilty about not being able to provide them both with everything they want and deserve. I've done my best thus far acting as a fair parent, but I haven't been in the position financially, to do a lot of the "things" my eldest experienced having me one on one for the first 7 years of her life.

So... On behalf of my youngest daughter, goodbye 9. Welcome 10. It's time for the little one to get her's in!

Irregular. Consumption.

I was really struggling for a topic to blog about today until I turned on the television to find the Zen channel (what I enjoy writing to) and saw that the Basketball Wives finale was about to come on. I almost got drawn into watching this episode to quickly catch up on what I've missed during the last season.

Why?

Probably because I'm in a funky kind of mood today. There's so much "to do" and I just don't have the motivation today. I had a long weekend taking all things into consideration and I feel mentally drained. I am functioning on auto pilot and everything kind of feels like a drag. Thank GOD "I can" snap out of this.

I've mentioned before that I don't consume much TV, but today would've been a great time to give the Basketball Wives some attention. Why not indulge in their mess as they portray such self-absorbing images of what marriage is? Especially on a day when I don't have the energy to deal with my own nonsense.

What I realize more and more each day is that I have to monitor my consumption levels in all areas. I so over did it today -nutrition wise. No fitness today and I exercised poor self discipline with portion control at lunch. Now, I feel like blah and I wish that today was an agenda free Saturday.

Just as I know that, now isn't the time for me to watch that show; now isn't the time for me to slack during this phase of personal development. Perhaps I'll catch Basketball Wives on a different day, but I'm not looking for it and it doesn't really matter if I ever see it.

What is the true benefit/gain of watching and listening to other peoples lives on public display?

Might I add: We only see what's edited/deemed by production for/as our viewing pleasures.

Yes. Yes. Sitting here with my thoughts and my Zen music typing these letters into appropriate words forming my own sentences grammatically styled into paragraphs that are naturally structured flowing like a story that is nothing more than a real life testimony about a moment in time that I experienced and feel the desire to share...    

Monitoring myself, my behavior, my attitude, what/when/how and how much I consume from my environment internally/externally, mentally/emotionally/physically wherever I go/am at all times because I'm a child of GOD!