Teach Me. Young One.

I just witnessed the best school talent show I've ever seen! My daughter was a performer in a group with two of her friends and guess what? They won!!! I am so proud at this moment.

Not only does my eldest daughter continue to blossom and surprise me, my big girl takes care of business. Seeing how passionate she is about the things that are important to her inspires me. She is diligent when it comes to completing her school assignments and rehearsing for a performance.

I admire how she's coming out of her shell. I've often referenced her as being my shy side (personality-wise) to the extreme. When she was younger, I was concerned that her timid nature would prevent her from taking advantage of opportunities. She's sure showing me!

When she was in about the 3rd grade, we had an interesting conversation that left us both upset after it ended. She had a talent show at her school that she didn't want me to attend. It hurt my feelings that she was so serious. I didn't get it. I couldn't understand why my desire to go didn't excite and encourage her.

She explained to me then, that if I went to her talent show she'd be more nervous and not do well. That made me angry. I must've went on for an hour about how I'm her mother and there will be times when I'll have to be present as her guardian and on and on...

I did not go to that talent show. In fact, I never really used to see her perform at home. Of course I knew my baby had rhythm because she had to "get it from her mama," but she wasn't a "look what I can do" kind of kid. She was and still is mellow for the most part.

It wasn't until last year that I was honored to see my baby shine. This occurred in public at the Westfield Shopping Center. There was an open casting call for American Mall Model Search, that she wanted to audition for. The evening we went my youngest daughter had fallen asleep in the car and I thought twice about taking my big girl.

Simply because I didn't think she would represent. I was tired too and I almost drove us straight home. A voice said to me "are you really going to disregard her little hearts passion right now?" It made me feel like I wasn't being supportive of my baby. My first born.

Both of my girls auditioned. My big girl was chosen to come back. Of course, after the shenanigans (time+money&catch= no guaranteed future opportunities) we returned for the talent show finale. I was blown away by my daughters dance number. I didn't even know she could move like that.

Watch this... ;)

My daughter is working with a whole lot. Both of my girls are. One fortunate mom I am. I know that I have my work cut out rearing them properly. Never again ever, will I doubt the possibilities of the future especially in the respects of my children.

CHECK THIS: If we (ADULTS) don't support our youth (especially our own) while they display positive growth as they develop into confident adults, WHO WILL?

I'm loving the many lessons I experience raising my children. 

Get One. A Mentor.

I am so incredibly privileged to be mentored by a woman who is such a beautiful and dedicated person. We were paired together by the Student Support Services Program (SSS) at CSUDH and Women and Philanthropy of Carson, California. Her name is Alison Bruesehoff, Director of Dominguez Rancho Adobe Museum.

We were introduced in Spring of 2010, but not in person. There was a luncheon that took place on campus where students and the organization (Women and Philanthropy) could get acquainted. It was in the evening that day and I had a class that I couldn't miss so I arrived at the luncheon when it was almost over.

A few weeks later, my SSS advisor told me that I had been paired with Alison and that she thought we'd do well together. It took a few more weeks before we met. Since meeting, we've become friends and I cherish the wisdom she shares with me.

Not only does she make herself available to meet with me, but she invites me in. She includes me and my children to attend and participate in various special events that are held at the museum. We go out to lunch and I can volunteer whenever I want. There are no walls in between our relationship and it's apparent that we come from two different backgrounds.

What we have in common is a drive to succeed and an unselfish desire to help others.

Alison is a wealth of knowledge for me on so many levels. She is an established professional and a wife. So much more, but those two titles are positions that I'm (currently) curious about holding myself. I'm so grateful to have her in my life to answer the inquiries that I have.

It's like having an educated and experienced big sister who does not judge my actions. Rather, she listens to my thoughts and helps me sort through them. She observes my actions while helping me to find balance with the paths that I've chosen. She encourages me to follow my passion(s) and to pursue my dreams. I love her! :)

This is my first experience with a mentor and I can't imagine not having one now.

Big Deal? Big Deal.

I went to Costco this afternoon and I was in a hurry (again), but I managed to renew my membership and finish shopping within 30-minutes. Something funny happened. It was amusing to me.

My youngest daughter loves blueberries. I just began liking them recently, this year. We've been getting them at the grocery store since she's was about 2-years old, when I discovered how much she enjoyed them with her grandmother. 

While moving through lanes as quickly as I could, I had already passed the produce area. I know that it's a much better buy getting the blueberries from Costco and more for my buck, so I went back. They appeared fresh, but I'm picky with food and I had to find a tray that I thought wouldn't go bad before the weekend. Found it, but as I headed towards the checkout stand I thought to myself "now you know you didn't have to be so anal."

After paying for the groceries, the boxer (they don't bag) dropped something. I didn't see what it was until he picked it up and showed me that nothing had fallen out of the blueberry container. He said, "nothing fell out." I asked him, "did it hit the ground?" He answered, "yes, but the tray didn't open and none of the blueberries touched the floor."

I looked at him with timid disbelief. He asked if I wanted him to go get a new tray for me. I answered yes. He replied, "are you sure? You really want me to back and get another one?" I responded, "yes, because I want them to last long. Now they'll be bruised." He smiled. I smiled, but I didn't budge. He went to get a new tray.

Why did he take so long though? It was actually about 7-minutes, but remember... I was in a hurry before I even began shopping. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't have been timing him had I prioritized my day differently.

So what he took a while. He went to get the blueberries that he didn't feel like going to get. It's his job, but I don't pay the man. He brought back a good tray though.

Funny Part...

I got a new tray of blueberries. Being in the hurry that I was in, even more so after slowpoke took his time, I loaded the blueberries in the back of the wagon carelessly. I thought twice about the way I positioned them in the box, but I didn't make any changes. I rushed to get into the car and go. I made 2 turns before I heard/saw the box (containing the blueberries) shift. I figured just my luck; the dang blueberries got bruised anyway.

Big deal? Big deal, but no real problem. The blueberries are still edible! ;)

A Righteous Messenger.

Yesterday afternoon, I met a man in a the grocery store parking lot. I was in a bit of a hurry so I almost shunned him as he approached me. Before he got close enough to say one word, I had already seen him walking in my direction with a donation bucket in hand...

He began saying, that he was an evangelist and was trying to collect donations to spread the message of GOD. I'm sure he read my body language, but I interrupted him and told him that I only had $2 to purchase one thing from the market. I got ready to tell him maybe another time and he responded, "it doesn't cost anything to talk to me for a moment."

He was right!

So I allowed him to have a few a words with me. He asked me had I read the Bible and I told him that I honestly, just picked up my Bible to attempt to read it in its entirety on my own about a month ago. I shared with him, that I had only gotten beyond the first few chapters in Genesis. His face lit up and his demeanor changed when I shared a little of what I understand about what I've read thus far.

He smiled.

After conversing with him for about 15-minutes, I asked if the papers he had in his hands were information that he gifts to people. He said that he used to give his literature away, but it's costly. At that point, I gave him some knowledge. I asked him if he blogs and he replied "no." I suggested that he set-up a blog account where he could simply provide the URL to people he meets like me.

His knowledge/message can be passed along freely.

I know he has to earn a living and the donations that he's asking for aren't in vain. He was an enlightened spirit, but also a man whose flesh has to eat and survive as best as he can personally. Before our conversation was over, he asked if I could make a donation. If I had it, it was his when I saw him smile...

He also shared with me, that he didn't belong to any church because "we the people of this nation are the church and our discussion about GOD IS fellowship." I think I'll always remember how this man has chosen to spread GODs word. Shamelessly.

One by one. One person at a time. With patient persistence and understanding.

He didn't share his personal testimony. I don't know what he's overcome and his appearance was as decent as I looked. Without assuming anything, I'll bet he's gone through some things, but what an intellictual mind he has. If I see him again, I'll share more time and maybe I'll have a little change too!

They call him Love.

Facebook Enables. We Allow.

I had an AWESOME birthday weekend! I really did!!! :)

I'm not sure that I would've received so many thoughtful birthday wishes if Facebook didn't exist. Many of my Facebook friends are people who I don't see on a regular basis and we use Facebook to stay in better contact. These are the same people who probably wouldn't remember my birth date if it weren't for the digital reminder that Facebook enables folks to see.

There were some people that I expected to see a post/message from. Some posts/messages that I received came from people who I least expected. Without an obvious action, it's easy to think that someone isn't paying much attention to your page. Aside from the 3rd party applications that supposedly reveals "top friends" who viewed my Facebook profile the most, how else would I measure that activity on my page?

On Facebook, unless someone posts directly on your page, likes a post/comment, comments or sends a friend request/message, one doesn't really know who's spending time on their profile page. One also doesn't know just how thoroughly an individual peruses their page or the length of time spent. Over time, I've observed some communication patterns between my Facebook friends and myself.

I use Facebook for the following 10 purposes:

• To get/remain in contact with the people I know or newly meet
• To witness how people "freeze time and moments" and share pictures publicly 
• To learn about some of the interests/adventures that people have
• To find out what people deem as important and newsworthy
• To see details about events
• To share my blog and some insight on my personal being
• To monitor/detect behavioral patterns of my "real-life" friends and family 
• To kill time when I'm bored 
• To communicate with people that I don't hang out with regularly or at all
• To be exposed to new creativity and information  

I love the access and instantaneous nature of Facebook. The only problem I've had with it is what I allow. On numerous occasions, I've logged into Facebook with the intention of being online for a short duration; something like between 15-30 minutes. Right... I'm learning to be more honest with myself about the attention that I give to Facebook. I get caught up in it and the time flies when I do. 

Knowing my own behavioral patterns on Facebook, I have to be reasonable with myself. If I have a busy agenda or I'm time constrained for some reason, I do not login to Facebook until my business is handled. Point blank. Exploring the Facebook community can be just as alluring as a Black Friday sale on payday. 

My Facebook profile only represents about 25% of my true character. That's an estimate. When I was on Myspace a few years ago, I became infatuated with the amount of Myspace friends that I acquired. I had over 1500 people on my friend list. Of them, only 200 were actual acquaintances, friends, family and/or coworkers. My diligent desire to be courteous and respond to all those who posted and/or sent me messages regularly became overwhelming. 

Why was I dedicating so much of my time sitting on my behind typing messages to strangers with no purpose? This question prompted me to shut down my MySpace account. I'm somewhere between the early majority and the late majority regarding Facebook. Due to my experience and what I allowed on MySpace, I wasn't very interested in joining Facebook initially.

Now that I do have a Facebook account, I monitor myself fairly well. I have exercised a lack of self-discipline with Facebook in the past, which has prompted me to "temporarily deactivate" my account twice. I did so because when I was in school and had finals, I'd login to Facebook unnecessarily and lose valuable study time. That was my fault with what I allowed and not Facebook's. 

Whoever came up with the idea to make it challenging to delete our Facebook accounts was a reasonable thinker. I'm so glad that when I "got over" myself and the attitude I had with Facebook's existence, that I could simply log back in to retrieve my page as it was when I abandoned it. Laughing out loud!

People just need to be mature and responsible with  the information that's shared. Facebook is only as bad as we let it be. It's such a great pathway to communicate otherwise. 

We should enable ourselves to be aware of what we allow so that we can take the proper actions to change what we feel is necessary!

I Remember. My Brother.

August 24, 1970 ~Kevin Armon Walton~ December 3, 2003

a.k.a.

"EVIL"

Oh me, oh my. I will not cry...

Dear Spook,

I miss you man. We all do. I feel your angel's presence here with us regularly. Remember that song by Alicia Keyes, "You don't know my name?" Of course you do. That song comes on the radio at the most random times. It's happened when I was unsure about something. From seemingly nowhere, that song comes on and it provides me comfort. When I hear it I know that I've made the best decision and/or I'm moving in the appropriate direction. It's you.

All I know is that your spirit is with me and I'm at ease knowing this.

Mama is still mama. You know this too. Fantasia is trying to figure this adult life out and aside from the nonsense we all grew up enduring, she's like most 19-year olds. I stay out of her business, but you know that I know when to display a check and I'm always on guard in regards to our children. I haven't seen Faith or Ke'lonie in some years. It hurts knowing you'd resist any excuse why this is so. I'll just say I will put forth a stronger effort to change this...

Quenarii will be going to high school next year. Wow, right? Right. She's a little sneaky, but I keep a tight lock on her and she respects me. She wants to become a journalist and she's doing great in school. You never got to meet Rahbyn. She is such a ham. I think you'd say that she reminds you of me when I was little. Nonstop hyperactivity daily. She's just curious and outspoken and you know wild blood flows through our family's veins anyway...

I'm doing okay. I graduated again, but this time from a university. I'm still preparing myself for the journey to financial freedom. Not working currently, but I'm enjoying my freedom and we're making it regardless. I'm still single and still working on the pessimistic outlook I've had about intimate relationships. I'm getting out more and meeting new people these days.

You taught me best Kev. You were my father figure and you exercised an incredible amount of strength. You were the warrior in our family and the demonstration of manhood that I needed to be exposed to. You were a GOOD man: An intelligent young black man without a father who was very protective of his family just living life and battling against the struggles of a plagued ghetto.

Who ever thought I'd reside near your neighborhood? Maybe that's why I feel your presence so strong sometimes...

In your memoirs, I found a scrap piece of paper where you had written this quote: "Somebody's got to be the hero, why not me?" I thought about it and analyzed why you made that statement. You lived by this motto...

I have no idea when/if I saw you cry. I know there was pain beneath the surface of that big, gleaming-white, pink bottom lip smile of yours (laughing out loud). You were such a manly man. We'll never know how you dealt with those emotions on a personal level. 

I've found comfort in the realization that you'll never experience anymore pain; that you'll never have to worry about getting locked up again; that you're not disabled dependent on others; that you don't have to choose between your hood-family and your biological, and that you can watch over us all 24/7. 

I know that you are better where you are now. I'm still fighting to break the cycle and the chains that we were born into. I feel stronger and wiser everyday in some way, shape or form. I THANK GOD for sharing you with me for 26-years. I'm BLESSED for the guidance/protection you provided. I stay hopeful because of the many inspirational discussions we had. 

No man can fill your shoes, but I promise the one I marry and bring into our family WILL measure up!

I love you Spook and I didn't cry! 

I feel a frog in my throat though... ;)

I said. I Would.

A few weeks ago, I agreed to help my playbrother with a project at school. He's taking a video production class and needed a female talent for his assignment. I starred in his original commercial as a spokeswoman for "FLAVOR LIPS." I had fun with the script. I really did!

He confirmed my participation by sending a text message to my cellphone last night. I actually received 2 texts from him. One text included my lines for the commercial. The other was his way of confirming my attendance. My initial response was that I would be available, however, if he had any talent on standby to use that person.

I know that I told him (enthusiastically) weeks ago that I would. Since he hadn't confirmed any details with me (before last night), I didn't think that he was going to follow up with me. I lost interest in it and had nearly forgotten about it.

Being present at L.A.C.C. reminded me of when I used to attend P.C.C. That was almost 8-years ago. It seems that I've almost forgotten about the video production classes that I completed there. I was taken "back down memory lane," but this experience was completely new. I understood what was going on around me and it felt great to be on the flipside playing the role of talent.

1 line: "Has your romance lost its flavor?"

My biggest responsibility was just being present. All I had to do was wait, practice my lines, and act. I wasn't even as nervous as I thought I'd be. The only pressure I had, was having to memorize my lines in what I felt was a short time. It wasn't impossible so I did it!

Another line: "FLAVORLIPS makes any woman more irresistible and adds a great topping to any romance."

The script was cute and corny. I have no idea why his class doesn't record their productions. I surely would've posted my copy here today. Maybe there'll be a next time...

I said I would so I did what I knew I could and said I'd do. :)