I Remember. My Brother.

August 24, 1970 ~Kevin Armon Walton~ December 3, 2003

a.k.a.

"EVIL"

Oh me, oh my. I will not cry...

Dear Spook,

I miss you man. We all do. I feel your angel's presence here with us regularly. Remember that song by Alicia Keyes, "You don't know my name?" Of course you do. That song comes on the radio at the most random times. It's happened when I was unsure about something. From seemingly nowhere, that song comes on and it provides me comfort. When I hear it I know that I've made the best decision and/or I'm moving in the appropriate direction. It's you.

All I know is that your spirit is with me and I'm at ease knowing this.

Mama is still mama. You know this too. Fantasia is trying to figure this adult life out and aside from the nonsense we all grew up enduring, she's like most 19-year olds. I stay out of her business, but you know that I know when to display a check and I'm always on guard in regards to our children. I haven't seen Faith or Ke'lonie in some years. It hurts knowing you'd resist any excuse why this is so. I'll just say I will put forth a stronger effort to change this...

Quenarii will be going to high school next year. Wow, right? Right. She's a little sneaky, but I keep a tight lock on her and she respects me. She wants to become a journalist and she's doing great in school. You never got to meet Rahbyn. She is such a ham. I think you'd say that she reminds you of me when I was little. Nonstop hyperactivity daily. She's just curious and outspoken and you know wild blood flows through our family's veins anyway...

I'm doing okay. I graduated again, but this time from a university. I'm still preparing myself for the journey to financial freedom. Not working currently, but I'm enjoying my freedom and we're making it regardless. I'm still single and still working on the pessimistic outlook I've had about intimate relationships. I'm getting out more and meeting new people these days.

You taught me best Kev. You were my father figure and you exercised an incredible amount of strength. You were the warrior in our family and the demonstration of manhood that I needed to be exposed to. You were a GOOD man: An intelligent young black man without a father who was very protective of his family just living life and battling against the struggles of a plagued ghetto.

Who ever thought I'd reside near your neighborhood? Maybe that's why I feel your presence so strong sometimes...

In your memoirs, I found a scrap piece of paper where you had written this quote: "Somebody's got to be the hero, why not me?" I thought about it and analyzed why you made that statement. You lived by this motto...

I have no idea when/if I saw you cry. I know there was pain beneath the surface of that big, gleaming-white, pink bottom lip smile of yours (laughing out loud). You were such a manly man. We'll never know how you dealt with those emotions on a personal level. 

I've found comfort in the realization that you'll never experience anymore pain; that you'll never have to worry about getting locked up again; that you're not disabled dependent on others; that you don't have to choose between your hood-family and your biological, and that you can watch over us all 24/7. 

I know that you are better where you are now. I'm still fighting to break the cycle and the chains that we were born into. I feel stronger and wiser everyday in some way, shape or form. I THANK GOD for sharing you with me for 26-years. I'm BLESSED for the guidance/protection you provided. I stay hopeful because of the many inspirational discussions we had. 

No man can fill your shoes, but I promise the one I marry and bring into our family WILL measure up!

I love you Spook and I didn't cry! 

I feel a frog in my throat though... ;)