Two Days. Two More!!

To share about to complete this month's theme highlighting the VIPs in my life. 

Maysha & Quon are last, but far from least. Power Personalities to be described.

One More. Visual Beauty.

I didn't forget to add "this" beauty. I just didn't have any recent photos to use so I sent her a text to request one from her. See her fine chocolicious self now as she gets my blog all to herself today, too. 

My childhood BFF!

My Black History: Day 17.

Dysfunctional Family...

Growing up in a family with accepted dysfunction has kind of warped my perception about my place in mine. While I'm in the process of evaluating what my family has been, what they are, and what I hope family for me will become, I've decided, "that" I will not accept dysfunction as the norm any longer.

When I was a little girl, I always knew "it" was wrong for someone to offend me without making some type of amends. Yes, I forgive, but no, I don't forget. I'm a bit slow forgiving, but I do eventually, come around.

I'm thinking heavily about "this" subject matter because the only people whom I've allowed to remain active in my life, who've offended me without taking any kind of action to resolve the issues, are none other than... Yep; family.

My mother was the queen of dysfunction. She would provoke me, push every trigger-button and be completely aware, that she was being offensive. We'd get into "it" quite aggressively then part ways, whether it'd be her hanging up the phone in my face or me walking out of her home vowing to never return. So many countless occasions I am able to recall.

Then out of the blue with no apology and no insinuation towards one, she'd call casually as if nothing ever happened, to discuss something else or ask about something concerning her grandchildren and I'd follow suit. Or, I'd have a need and call for her assistance. No apology from me; just a request and if she obliged, then I was happy and we were cool again.

Just another unresolved issue swept under the rug...

Far too many conversations were never had between my mother and I. To this very day, I cut people out of my life without any explanation for doing so. I just go. Detach and keep "it" moving. "This" behavior had exclusively been shown to acquaintances and friends, but now I also, extend it to family.

I realize, that I allowed my mother to be as she was towards me because simply, she was my mother. I found it very difficult attempting to omit her from my life while she was alive because she raised me and I grew compassion for her once I became a mother. A single mother just like her and when my brother was murdered, I vowed to never leave her regardless of any offense she subjected me and/or my children to.

I kept that promise, but now "that" she's an Angel looking over us I'm demonstrating how I will not accept the same dysfunction from anyone else. No one. Not from my children, no best friend, no boyfriend/husband; absolutely no one. Granted, I may be a little dysfunctional myself, but I'm working attentively to improve some of my worst attributes. "It" begins with acknowledgement and trust, I'm very aware.

My extended family hasn't been much more than a holiday family. Hear from them for a holiday gathering invite and that's about "it." There's a class divide and my mama's little family of her own, being my brother, me, and our children seemingly fall low on the totem pole. I've grown to resent "this" and honestly, still do. So guess what?

Darn right! I cut them out of my life and do not fool with them period. Why? The LORD gave us the ability to choose and I choose to allow only those who choose to demonstrate, that they want to to be present in my life and accept me as I am. "This" is my choice and I can live with "it."

I am breaking the chains of dysfunctional acceptance in my family. Come or don't come at all, but if you do come, come correct and honorably, or be dismissed. Pressing forward, keeping "it" moving through "this" journey called life with the family bloodline or with a family-designed.

#MyPerspective

My Black History: Day 3.

Without a Black History month too many of us wouldn't have any idea about the challenges our ancestors faced and how hard they fought to be treated with dignity living here in America. We would have no pride in our culture because it would've been rewritten completely. Totally.

The watered down lessons taught during our childhood continues to be exposed and quickly via the rapid information highway online, which we know as the world wide web. The Internet.

The truth can be found when it's properly sought, but lies can be taught as truth and an ignorant mind will accept "it" at surface value.

I recently signed a petition on Change.org created by a high school student whom was offended that he wasn't taught the truth about Native American history in the 4th grade when the information was first presented to him. He said, that it was unfair being lied to then, when some truth would eventually be revealed as part of the high school curriculum. He found it insulting and took action by creating the petition.

Look at the state of current affairs regarding the vast differences in culture present in our society.

There is, and has been one too many factual Black History lessons omitted/misinterpreted during grade school years along with the lack of effective communication within the household and between family members. If Black History month didn't exist, there'd be an entire ethnic group of people who would view themselves as someone else.

Like an African-American, for example. Our ancestors didn't accept slavery forever. We will not accept identifier-labels and stereotypes forever, either.

Knowing what we've been through and where we were, better helps us to appreciate where we are and to realize, what more we can be doing to reach higher heights. Individually and together!

Two Days. Bye Nine.

"This" is the last Thursday, that my youngest daughter will be 9-years old. I remember when I found out that I was pregnant with her. I had just completed my Broadcast Journalism and Radio Production certification courses at Pasadena City College. Another unplanned pregnancy and I had no interest in becoming more serious with her father.

Why not? Don't be nosey!

Out of respect for my children, I will not publish anything negative about their fathers. Yes, "that's" plural. I have two children by two different men, that I never married. So what. I'm not the first mother with this background and I won't be the last.

Judge me, not. Only GOD!!!

My eldest was beyond excited to become a big sister. She yearned for a little sister and blessedly, her wishes came true. My little family of two grew to three on January 23, 2006. I must admit, their relationship is nothing like I imagined it'd be.

Each share my personality, but to the extreme in some areas with one not speaking out enough and the other talks a lot... Very much. One is quite stingy and the other is a bit too generous. They're both beautiful, intelligent and talented. Like me. ;)

With a 7 1/2-year age gap, we've faced our share of challenges, even though we've been a household full of estrogen. It's been difficult scheduling family outings and deciding where to go, because my daughter's preferences and levels of understanding, land on separate moons. I know, that they love one another, but they don't regularly exercise much patience towards each other and too often, I find myself playing referee between them.

One wants to do "this" and the other wants to do "that." One is too mature for "this" and the other too young for "that." One wants to bring a friend along because her sister brought a friend the last time. Oh, it goes on and on... Let's just be reminded, that girl's are really something else; never satisfied. 

So now, that my eldest will soon be an adult and on her way to college, my youngest will have the opportunity to have me totally at home. She yearns for more one on one time with me and when it's just the two of us, I'm more attentive to her needs. As one could expect.

My youngest has been eyeing her first double-digit birthday since she was 5-years old. She's only grown more anxious about it over the passing years because I told her the next birthday party she'd have, would be when she reached ten. So here we are, finally. 

"This" year, beyond her birthday a big change will come. Still, a family of three we'll remain, however, it'll be just she and I in our household when she begins the 5th grade once summer's over. "Things" will become quite different. I'm looking forward to it because as a single parent with two children, it's challenging balancing fairly between them.

The little one will soon get to experience what it feels like to be an only child within our household. I know that I shouldn't, but I've felt guilty about not being able to provide them both with everything they want and deserve. I've done my best thus far acting as a fair parent, but I haven't been in the position financially, to do a lot of the "things" my eldest experienced having me one on one for the first 7 years of her life.

So... On behalf of my youngest daughter, goodbye 9. Welcome 10. It's time for the little one to get her's in!

Friendship Friday!

Real friends are like family. Some friends even rank higher on my love scale in comparison to family members. I am blessed to have a wonderful support group of friends. I never had problems making acquaintances, but only a small group of people remain consistent in my life as friends.

I feel like a teenager on Fridays. Early in the day, I'm thinking about where I'll go, what I'll do, if I'll bring the kids with or allow them out elsewhere. Friday will always feel like a party day for me whether I go out to party or not. My friends can count on a visit or a call at the very least over the weekend.

As I mature, I'm having to make more responsible decisions even though I have the freedom to do what I want at any given time. Weekday visits just don't work well anymore while the kids are in school and while (some of us anyway) we have work to report to M-F.

Routine is necessary in my household. Sometimes, I want to break from the routine, but I have to consider how it affects my children. I can't have them out on my fun time when they have school obligations like homework, etc. The only people who I'll break my routine for (if/when necessary) are my real friends.

Friends are VIP everyday and should be treated accordingly!

I watch carefully, how I label people in my life. My play-brother Chris for instance, is so much more than a friend. He's like a brother. I can count on him for nearly anything. How awesome is that? As a single woman, he provides hope that real good men, single men who want to do right in this life -do exist. I thank GOD for him and I pray that all his dreams come true.

Until next time, Chris and I off to enjoy breakfast together this morning. I'm so blessed to have great, GOD-fearing people present in my life. I see. I recognize. I love. I contribute. I am!