In Just. Four Weeks.

I will have an adult child by legal standards in exactly 30 days. I keep reminding her, that as long as she lives in my household and as long as I live she will respect me as her mother. Her future husband, kids, colleagues and circle of friends will as well. 

Or else...!!!

Thankful "this" Friday!

Everyday & Always!!!

Around Here. Touching Hearts.

For the second time in less than a month, I've caused a woman whom I don't even know to shed tears. The first was a vibrant young lady, probably all of 18-years old. I went to sandwich spot called California Steak and Fries while my eldest daughter was at her tumbling class. She was the cashier there and full of personality.

For some odd reason, she began sharing stories with me about her cute boyfriend and an ugly one. Laughing within. She tickled my heart with her forwardness and I found myself not wanting to leave, but my daughter looks forward to me watching her practice so I had to jet out. I even told my children about "this" young lady.

The next week while on our way from my daughter's tumbling class I stopped by the sandwich spot again. I was hungy. Not that hungry, but I wanted to see if the sweet young lady was there and she was. I was happy to see her as if I really knew her. I asked her about her boyfriends and she said, "that" she let go of the cute one and replaced him. She told me how the ugly one was getting on her nerves and "that" she was going to replace him too. "This" little lady!

I guess "this" particular night was my night to share. I pulled up my younger daughter's fan page to show her how we had made some attempts towards getting her exposed to the entertainment industry. She made some suggestions and said we should just create a youtube channel with some interesting content instead of going the cattle call route. She said her former cute boyfriend was Instagram-famous and if we wanted, she could get him to shout my daughter out. I appreciated her enthusiasm, but we're on hold until further notice with "that" pursuit.

I inquired about her family and she said she was a middle sister of three girls and two boys. I said to her, "You all probably drive your mother crazy." I forgot what else, but I asked another question about her mother then she said her mother had passed away from breast cancer last December. I shared with her how I lost mine in 2014 to lung cancer. I told how abruptly "it" all happened and she began to tear up, which caused me to do the same. I beckoned for her to come from around the counter so that I could hug her and we cried together for a brief moment. "It" was an embrace "that" I believe both our hearts needed. Whether I ever see her again, I'm forever touched by her sweet spirit and strength.

The second occurance happened just about an hour ago. My youngest daughter and I were shopping inside of a Family Dollar discount store searching for some items for her school project. The place was cluttered inside and there was a long line with only one cashier. After finding what we needed, we got in line. "It" moved fairly quickly, however, some of the people in line were a little impatient.

One very ignorant man walked up to the front of the line and very rudely, asked the cashier, "You mean to tell me, you're gonna have me stand in this long line and it's only one cashier?" The cashier replied calmly, "I'm sorry sir there's only one other cashier and I sent her to lunch, plus she's new." The man responded, "So that's the answer?" She said, "Unfortunately sir, yes."

If the expression on his face was a loaded gun, she would've been shot. He signaled to his friend to come on and as he walked toward the door he said to the cashier, "Time is money. By the time I make it up there to you, you'll owe me money." The nerve! This man was dirty and had a whole lot of nerve being so disrespectful towards "this" woman. As he and his friend walked out of the store we were next up. I said to the woman, "GOD Bless you working here. I couldn't put up." I thought, that she began to appear flushed and when I looked up at her to grab my receipt, tears were streaming down her face. I told her don't cry, just pray and look for other jobs; to try temp-agencies.

As we walked out, my daughter said, "that's sad." I agreed. When we got into the car I felt so bad for the woman knowing all "that" she must put up with working there. I sat in the car for a moment thinking about what I could do to help her. I did the only "thing" I could, which was write down my contact information, the name of the temp-agency I worked for, and noted that I could help her with her resume if she wanted. I went back into the store and she still hadn't totally regained her composure, but I got her attention anyhow and passed her my little note. She took "it" and said thank you.

I'm glad the man left, but the entrance to the place is on the side, not facing the street and there was no security guard present. Just cameras throughout the store and probably in the parking lot. Bottom line, the location is not safe, especially for a woman to be manning the place alone. I'm strongly considering making an attempt to get in contact with the owner on her behalf, but the complaint is mine and mine alone. I wouldn't want to jeopardize her job. It's obvious she needs "it."

Why else would she subject herself to "that" treatment working there? Yes, I witnessed just one situation, but I saw deeper pain in her eyes and I wanted to remind her "that" she has options no matter how far-fetched the possibilities may seem at "this" present time.

"Where there's a will, there's a way."

#PrayingForUsAll

Work Oriented. Becoming More.

I got official notice today "that" I'm beginning my very first day of employment on Monday. "It" is pretty incredible how quickly this company moved things along to "buy" me out from the temporary agency I've working for since 2012. I've been on several assignments and "this" opportunity is by far the best!

Paying nearly $600 in health coverage has been stressing me financially to say the least. I've waited until the very last day of the month to pay the premium because all month long I contemplate on paying "it." The penalty for not having health coverage is much cheaper than my monthly premium times 12, but I have active children and we just can't be without "it." So, I bite the bullet as much as "it" has pained me. Thankfully, next month should be the last month I pay out of pocket because I'll be eligible for full benefits come June 2016.

I almost forfeited "this" opportunity because I've gotten so used to just being a temporary worker. I've been operating with a nonchalant attitude and it's only due to my intellect and the need to provide for my little family, that I've succeeded "this" far. After being interviewed by the individual whom I'll be reporting to, I felt so much more comfortable about switching hats. I explained, "that" I was nervous, but knew the opportunity wasn't one to pass on.

There's "something" to be said for people in the workplace who notice my capabilities. I began "this" job by completing minuscule tasks such as xerox copying, scanning and data-entry, but I performed the tasks like a scientist with a cheerful hearted smile. Sure, I know they saw my resume and were aware "that" I could do much more. Eventually, they did begin to ask me "to do" other "things." The interviewer told me during our first discussion that my work performance and interactions with others was receiving rave reviews. "This" really touched my heart.

So many times, I wanted to be appreciated for who I am and most people are energized when they know other's believe in them. I know "that" I can excel with "this" opportunity so I accepted "it" gladly. Further, I'm aware "that" I can use some professional coaching and mentorship. There's a whole lot of brainpower where I work and I respect "that." I want to be a reliable contributor and GOD willing I will.

Thank you LORD!!! For creating me, loving me, guiding me, and putting my life on a purpose-filled path. Without you I can do nothing. The best "thing" my mother did for me was show me how honor and praise you. I am standing strong in faith with every passing moment of each day. Thank you LORD!!!

No Theme. For April.

I'm returning back to my randomness effective now. Part of me wants to abandon ship here... Again. My other parts say keep moving forward without any unnecessary pressure, but don't leave "this" precious blog to just sit unattended to. When I log into my blog sometimes I wonder how I allowed an entire year to pass without posting one single entry during the year of 2013.

I mean, for me to go from posting daily on weekdays, to writing absolutely nothing for a consistent 365 days doesn't really make clear sense. Of course, the bottom line is I just didn't want to, but how much do I have on my agenda daily, "that" I just don't want to do, yet "it" still has to get done? Let's just say "it" is much.

So, "I can" push beyond the lack of motivation I'm feeling today. "It" is simply, just a moment in time. One little moment which will pass. If I'm blessed to return here tomorrow, I'll be glad "that" I did "this." I know myself and tonight I'm encouraging myself to proceed further with "this" blog of mine.

Seventy. LXIX.

Happy early 70th Birthday Angel Mama!!!!!!!

4/2/1946 - 6/20/2014

Miss Maysha. She Woman.

Last, but definitely not least. My childhood BFF Maysha and I live on a rollercoaster within our friendship. At times, we're up, then we're going in circles and sometimes we crash. There's a bond which exists between us "that" neither of us can deny. We've experienced a whole lot together and we've also missed some beats in one another's lives.

She's beautiful and a pretty incredible woman. A mother to five children, but three are now adults. Her ability to persevere through challenging situations if a force to acknowledge. Of course, I can't rob her of the opportunity to share her own story so I'm sparing no personal details, however, I will share what she's meant to me and why she remains relevant in my life.

We've practically raised our children together. They share social networks and respect one another like family. We experienced our last pregnancies together and our daughters spent nearly every day of the first year of their lives together.

Growing up we were partners in crime. She'd tell her family she was at my house and I'd tell my mother I was down the street at her's, while we were blocks away flirting with older boys. We would call ourselves chocolate and vanilla.

I genuinely love my Maysha regardless what we've been through. Whether we're up or down, still I pray for her and her family. Not too long ago we were on an off-spell, but when she found out my mother passed away she came to check on me. In person. Being the loving, compassionate woman that she is, "it" wasn't a second thought to make sure I was ok under the circumstances.

I remember when I had my first daughter I couldn't seem to find a caring and safe babysitter to watch her while I worked nights. Even though Maysha had a housefull, she still extended help and kept my daughter for me on several occasions. My daughter would always spit up after a feeding and "it" took a whole lot more than just dabbing away the mess. She would have to change my daughters clothes, get her settled and calm again. Then she'd have to mop up the vomit. Would you know "this" phenomenal woman didn't complain once? Unbelievable, because I could hardly handle "this" from my own baby.

Maysha had to become a woman long before her mind and body was developed into one. She remains hopeful and determined, while putting forth her best efforts to create a comfortable lifestyle for her family. Her eldest son is now a father so she's a glamma (her word). Laughing out loud.

I must mention all the whoopla we cause when we go out in public together. Being single and liking to mingle is an understatement when we hit the town. Good "thing" we've been so busy attempting to readjust our lifestyles, "that" we haven't gone out in years, but I feel an itch coming on and she's mentioned "that" we're long overdue so "this" summer better watch out.

What we share in common most now is the lense we view our families from. Unfortunate, but a reality which we both have had to come to grips with. The first step towards our healing is acknowledgement. The second; taking positive action to make a difference in our own little families consisting of our children and circles of true friendship.

#GODain'tdonewithUSyetbetterasksomebody!

Two Days. Two More!!

To share about to complete this month's theme highlighting the VIPs in my life. 

Maysha & Quon are last, but far from least. Power Personalities to be described.

I Love. My Friends.

...just when I'm feeling down with my back against the wall, "something" special happens, which reminds me, that I am fine just as I am and everything will fall into it's proper place at the right time!

GODFamily. Real Ones.

My GODmother Sharon took me in during my teenage years. I didn't live with her, but was able to visit whenever I wanted and she gave me "something" that I couldn't get from my biological family, which was trust. She trusted me in her home unsupervised. She allowed me to drive her car and her boyfriend's car. "This" was huge for me because she never made me prove myself to her. She took me as I was; embraced and complimented me about my character. Truly heaven sent into my life when every other door was closing in my face.  GOD is real!!! I love her. She's one of the greatest female role models in my life.

My GODsister Kaysh is the most beautiful, most loving, most generous and most compassionate person I have ever met. She's always been "this" way and still remains the same. With all the adversity she's faced and overcome, she exudes a genuine enthusiastic love for life itself. I'm talking about every living thing from people to animals, birds to amphibians, flowers to bugs, and so on. On countless occasions I've visited her in her home to find a new living creature she adopted by surprise. Laughing within. She is very creative with a sharp mind and quite disciplined in many areas. Raising her two sons as a single parent is her pride and joy. They're fine young men whom cherish their mother and are aware of the sacrifices she's made to provide them with a loving upbringing. She is the big sister I never had. I learned how to ride a two-wheel bicycle when I was 7-years old because she was patient enough to teach me and demonstrated how much she believed in me. There is absolutely no one like her. Not a soul. I'm forever grateful to know her as my GODsister and to be divinely connected regardless of time or space. I love her! We never skip a beat when we meet.

My GODsister Puma is cut from similar cloth as Kaysh. Puma is a poet and a rapper, but she'd probably prefer that I state her status as a rapper first. Isn't rap poetry of some sort? She and Kaysh are the ultimate funsters! I have had so much fun hanging out with them both and individually. Puma doesn't have any biological kids, but she's an aunt to all children. Very domesticated and highly protective of her loved ones, she keeps close watch on everyone and upkeeps her abode. She doesn't mind helping people and I love her as she is.

My GODsister UnkPep is the most down to earth soul one could meet. She's a self-employed barber, upcoming comedian and actor. She's an excellent conversationalist and has an intriguing mind. She's patient and always supportive of her family. She's one of the youngest looking nearly 50-year old's alive today. Seriously, she looks like she's still 30. She's fun too and one of the realest people in Los Angeles. We can agree to disagree, but never without love and respect for one another. I love her as she is.

My inherited mother MamaVonn is so cool. She has a humorous personality, but she doesn't take any mess. She was the first person ever, to come to my defense when my mother was being rude and disrespectful in the hallway of my old apartment building. Stern, but loving and concerned. Always kept an eye out for my children and our place. She's encouraging and believes in my abilities. I love her and PapaVonn, her husband.

Family is what you make and I love the design of mine. Thank you LORD for each one of them!!!

Fantasy Happy. Wednesday!

My Life-Size Image.

My Robin. Human Bird.

The one I was pregnant with, that a cutoff former family member tried to persuade me to terminate and not go through with "it" because she "didn't want me to be a statistic." I'm so glad, that I made up my own mind as I normally do. My baby girl keeps me on my toes because she's my wild child. She's enthusiastic about life, experiences and opportunities.

I remember missing my cycle in 2004. I didn't want to believe "that" I was pregnant because I had just told Mr. Man I didn't want to proceed any further in our relationship. Considering how I had just graduated from Pasadena City College with two Associate degrees and two vocational certifications, I thought the timing of my pregnancy wasn't too bad. Another unplanned, but still a blessing and gift.

Honestly, if I had interest in and wanted to create a new family with Mr. Man I believe he would've sided with me. I concluded, that he wasn't the man for me so I went through "this" pregnancy as a single mother by choice. "It" wasn't such a big deal to me experiencing "this" the second time.

When I told my mother, I remember like yesterday; she said, "How could you be so stupid?" I just replied, "how very rude, well there's no turning back now I'm having another baby and that's 'that'!" Rahbyn became my mother's "roadog" once she was born.

With "this" child of mine is where I learned what real parenting is. I had so much help with my firstborn daughter. When my second came along the help was all, but gone. The lifetime babysitter I thought I'd have around to help me raise 20 kids if I had them, passed away when I was 6-months pregnant. The LORD showed me how I had taken Ms. Mary for granted and "that" would be no more.

Of course, my youngest daughter would be the one to take me through all the "things" I missed raising my eldest daughter due to all the help I was privy to. Hardly anyone, aside from my mother would babysit Rahbyn because she was and still is, an attention seeking, busy-body, millions of questions-asking, child. There aren't many breaks with "this" one. Laughing within.

Because she possesses my curious personality, I have to keep close watch on her. I also, cannot trust many people to help me with her, because she can be overwhelming to handle at times and I don't want anyone to mistreat her out of frustration. She can be a bit too generous so I curb "that" as best as I can to prevent her from being taken advantage of.

I will admit, that because of the age gap between my daughters they each have to make personal sacrifices in order to keep us united as a family unit. What I mean by "this" is sometimes one can't participate in "something" which the other can and vice-versa. They have age appropriate interests "that" I must balance between. It'll be my youngest and I, once my eldest goes off to college this summer and I'll be able to give her more of my undivided attention.

Rahbyn Marie is an aspiring actress, gymnast, dancer and singer. 

Yes, entertaining is what she wants "to do." I've taken some beginning steps to help her reach these goals, but we're on hold while I do what's needed to ensure, that my eldest gets situated in college. I almost need a team or to become a supportive man's wife in order to pursue these acting dreams of hers aggressively because casting agents don't care about short notice nor do they understand my financial struggle and time constraints as a single parent. I'm brainstorming in the meanwhile how we'll approach a second round at "it."

The apple, which is one of her nicknames doesn't fall far from tree regarding intellect. She's much more compassionate than her sister and I. We're all sweet, but she's twice as. A little perfectionist who is also a role model for her peers. She excels academically, is passionate about learning, and likes to help. She's very loving too. I love my babies!!!

I named her Rahbyn because I wanted my children's names to sync and because I'm authentically unique, the spelling of her name is different from the bird name Robin. Yes, she sings too, but currently is more passionate about her acting, gymnastics and dancing. The sky is the limit and my human birds are going to fly high. No doubt. Manifesting!

My Canary. Human Bird.

My firstborn daughter was long overdue. I was beyond excited when I found out I was pregnant with her because I wanted to become a mom since middle school. So much, "that" I wrote down a list of names for baby boys and baby girls. Quenarii's name was taken from my personal list. Her name is pronounced as canary like the bird, however, I chose a unique spelling of her name to make "it" completely her own. We've only met one other girl with the same name, but spelled differently.

My daughter is the original, one and only, Quenarii on "this" planet in the entire universe. Ha!

I shared the news with her father, but we were on two different pages so I experienced my entire pregnancy as a single mother. Thank GOD I had my mom to talk to throughout "it." During "this" pregnancy we were best of friends.

Some of the most memorable experiences were my cravings for original Doritos chips dipped in chocolate chip ice cream and the stench of In & Out Burger, which made my morning sickness symptoms worse. I still, to "this" very day don't like the scent of In & Out Burger when I'm near one.

Now, about my big princess whom will turn 18-years old in less than two months. She's a beautiful, strong-willed, talented, intelligent, and a responsible, young Christian lady. My girl!!! She was a laid back baby and she's a laid back teen. Thank GOD!!!

She's always excelled academically and in her extracurricular campus activities. She was on the stepping team in middle school. She's currently on the dance-guard team and was a cheerleader during her junior year at her high school. I haven't even mentioned the role model she is to her peers and how she has stepped up in church when called upon.

A recommendation from her history teacher in middle school got her the opportunity to be accepted into the school she attends now. She was the first student at her high school to be accepted into a university. She's completing honors-level classes and has had a few advanced placement classes with the opportunity to earn college credits.


I really have a pretty-fantastic, awesome and amazing, well-representing, teen!

Because I once was a girl, I can comment accordingly. Girls are sassy and talk a lot. My teen is known by outsiders as quiet, but we know she can get beside herself with "that" mouth of hers. People tell me it's a common teenage phase, which helps, but I accept no excuses when "it" comes to respecting me as mom at all times. "This" was a huge challenge we faced last year, but "things" are shaping into positive gears between us as of now. I'm beyond glad.

My daughter is so much more on track in her life than I was at her age and I acknowledge "it." I do my best not to allow the financial setbacks I face to affect her having the best high school experience. "Where there's a will, there's a way" and I've got the will so ways are being made.

As we prepare for her prom, which happens to fall on the very same date as her birthday, I'm reminding myself, "that" by praying and keeping GOD at the forefront of my thoughts throughout each moment of each day, will help us to prosper. I cannot do "this" all on my own and I'm fully aware, but I know who can enable me to: JESUS!!!

I'm more blessed than I realize at times. My children are my greatest gifts. Becoming a mother to my beautiful firstborn daughter saved me from countless poor choices I'm sure I would've made. I felt the need to consider how my actions might impact my child's life. I still function with "this" thought in mind and "it" protects me from making too many careless decisions. I take my role as a mother seriously and witnessing how beautifully my big girl is blossoming is so rewarding.

So, does "this" uncaged bird sing and fly? Laughing out loud. Well, she does sing and once she completes her tumbling classes she'll be hand-springing in the air with wings of courage.

                                                                                             

Nineteen Years Ago. "This" Date.

I was 19-years old. I almost accidentally checked out of life due to personal lack of self-control and rage during a moment... which eventually passed. The experience changed me. I'll have to say for the better. Had I not gone through suffering the consequences of such behavior "that" day; there's no telling what today for me, would be.

"It" may have been around "this" very hour on March 11, 1997. I remember waking up in the intensive care unit at Daniel Freeman Memorial Hospital, hooked up to monitors with my family surrounded around me. I remember exactly what my mother and brother said to me. My mom said, that I had been in surgery a long time. My brother asked me who was involved and told me he would go blow up the spot...

###

Time really does fly by.

 I love & miss them... They each equipped me with the strength and courage to stand. As I do now.  

Life checked me.

GOD Saved Me!!!

#LessonsLearned

*Daniel Freeman Memorial Hospital's emergency staff were on task, highly-skilled in their medical professions and helped to save my life. They also helped me give birth to new life and assisted with saving hers. How could a place like "this" close?

It's all about the money.

One More. Visual Beauty.

I didn't forget to add "this" beauty. I just didn't have any recent photos to use so I sent her a text to request one from her. See her fine chocolicious self now as she gets my blog all to herself today, too. 

My childhood BFF!

New Month. New Theme.

So, I've been considering what I'd blog about since the end of My Black History series ended yesterday. I'm liking how my blog flows with a theme. For this month's theme I want to highlight the rockstars (not literally) in my life.

I ran out of time with my hopes of doing "something" special and spectacular for some who were dear to my heart. I mentioned their names in one of my blog posts from last month. As the clock ticks, I'm realizing time won't wait for me to do anything. I just need to do what I can with what I'm capable of right here and right now.

Below, I'm going to list my very important people who deserve recognition from me. I'm simply listing their names today (in no particular order) to help me in the coming days as I share the joy, that they each bring into my life.

MamaVonn - Inherited mother from old apartment building
Sharon - My GODmother
LJ - My favorite cousin/BFF (I'll need her permission to blog about her so I don't get told off...lol)
Kaysh - My GODsister
Puma - My GODsister

CJ Foster - My Play-brother/BFF
Lizzy-Whizzy - GODmother to my children/BFF
Azzy - BestFriendster (More like a sister than friend)
Maysha - Childhood BFF
DawnGunn - High School Homegirl4Life
Banana - My big girl
Apple - My baby girl

Although, my list seems small in size, my folks are huge in heart and "that" is what counts the most!

If I'm a tree, then my loved ones are the branches. All else are just leaves, that come and go. 

My Black History: Day 4

Instead of filling this post with a whole bunch of words today, I want to take a moment to pause and honor a great Black musician who founded one of the greatest bands in history. Not just ours, but everyone's favorite band, Earth, Wind & Fire. Unmatched to this very day. Let their music play on forever!

 Another legend left earth to play and sing with our one and only Heavenly King of Kings. 

GOD BLESS!!!

Rest in Heaven Peacefully.

Maurice White

December 19, 1941 ~ February 3, 2016

What he did, where he went and how he did "it" will forever be remembered as a staple of significant  greatness in Black History. Past, present and future. A fact. 

 GOD Bless his family, friends, colleagues and fans.

Thankful to Earth, Wind & Fire for giving us so many timeless classics that will never be forgotten and can't be duplicated. 

My Black History: Day 2

I am proud to be a strong Black woman. It's taken me years to fully accept where I come from and how I was raised. In fact, I'm still settling into the total person I've grown into.

My mother moved our family all around Los Angeles. We were never homeless, however, we lived in predominantly, all Black and Mexican neighborhoods where we witnessed not only homelessness, but prostitution, heavy gang activity, and all sorts of misfortune. In these same neighborhoods, is where we also observed several miracles and gained roots of incomparable strength to live/thrive among "the survival of the fittest." 

To be blunt about "it" I was raised in the ghetto.

I had the best childhood outside of my home. My childhood friends also agree that we experienced some of our best memories growing up in the ghetto or what's commonly now referred to as, the hood. Now, when I was a little girl growing up in these highly disadvantaged neighborhoods, I didn't know there was an identifier-label placed upon our communities by outsiders and insiders who moved out, then chose to forget where they originally came from. 

Not all, but many insiders are ashamed of their upbringing and sugar-coat or flat-out lie about how/where they were raised. Outsiders usually speak from ignorance and fear when making derogatory statements about Black people from the hood or the hood, itself. 

I had an insider experience during my middle-school years. For the second half of my 7th grade year, my mother got a permit to transfer from the school district because she worked at the Veteran's Administration Memorial Center (VAMC) in West Los Angeles, which enabled my way out of the hood (for at least 8 hours during the week), while I was fighting often and being threatened daily at my home school. My brother experienced something similar during his middle-school years and when my mother didn't take action; he did, by joining a gang in order to have a support group when he was being threatened and jumped on by other gang members. I may have followed suit had I been forced to remain in my home school without any other options.

Thank GOD for His Holy intervention!!!

The new school was so different from my home school. The campus was clean. It was a diverse group of students. Here, is where I first remember interacting with kids whom were born in several different countries and spoke various languages. The competition between our egos was more about intellect than appearance.

Truth be told, I probably appeared like I lived in and came from the hood based upon my demeanor. I recall feeling embarrassed sometimes about where I lived versus my classmates. Some of my friends rode the school bus home to their neighborhoods on the westside. Back then, I so badly wanted to be a "westside-girl." A westside Black girl. Why?

Well, most of them were bourgeoisie. They lived in cleaner neighborhoods and had bigger homes with their own bedrooms; some had their own bathrooms. Their parents were married or divorced and many had relationships with their fathers. They were involved in extracurricular/social activities outside of school and home. I thought they had "it" made and "that" caused me to experience some moments of envy. 

Self-criticism and unfair comparisons about my family and others began to creep into my thoughts.

I wasn't totally honest about where I really came from with everyone who asked. Shamefully, I'm able to say now, I behaved like the insider who wished she could rewrite her history. "It" is more than satisfying accepting all that contributes towards who I am right now, today.

Gladly, I remember me.

America probably wishes too, that she could go back in time and approach uniting the states and we, as a people, differently.

...To be continued on Day 3.

So I'm... Finally back!

Before I explain why I abandoned my blog for so long I need to write a letter to my present self...

"Appearance can be deceitful."

Dear Ms. Lampkin,

     I love you and I miss you living within the present. You don't have to continue recycling old thoughts, stressing about your future, nor do you have to feel guilty about the total woman you are now. Rid yourself completely from acting off of the influence of others. Be very careful with whom and where you lend your time and how you spend your hard earned income. You are special. Not everyone is worthy of your personal attention, affection and time. I know you've felt bad about that, but no more.

     GOD has blessed you with two beautiful daughters whom your influence directly impacts. Focus more on what they need from you versus the world.They're intelligent and respectable young ladies who believe in and love their mom. Embrace that with each passing moment. They're growing up quickly and there's no reversing the chronological order of age.

     You are more than just okay. You're awesome! Make yourself remember that daily by the moment. Time isn't getting ahead of you. Your thoughts are, so slow down and turn all that thinking into action. "We're on information overload," says your brain cells. There's nothing more you need to do to prove to yourself or anyone else how intelligent you are. Overtime you've become a wonderful actress... (giggling to myself).

Remember some of your best roles?

• Happy mom: You put on your best face most days for your children regardless how you really feel.

• Caring daughter: You show concern for your mom even though she's your most challenging person to deal with.

• Sweet niece: You are available to your aunts and uncle when they call upon you and you show up with glee.

• Fun cousin: You bring the entertainment by simply being you.

• Best friend: Your inner circle knows you as a rock, someone trustworthy and truly there when needed.

• Employee: You carry yourself with such professionalism people believe you're in a position of authority and rely upon your due diligence in every area.

• BPT Editor: You use your education and skills to create awareness and to highlight relevant information to the entire congregation. 

• Single woman: You stand strong against all odds and can depend on yourself.

• Inner little girl: You possess a sweet innocence untainted by your adult experiences.

• Human: You care about ALL mankind and naturally interact well with all cultures. 

Please promise to never again forget who you are and all the greatness within you. Also, be willing to share and open yourself to new interactions and possibilities. You've got precaution down to a science and you don't have to fear or worry about ANYTHING. GOD has you. He always has. You know this, now live and own it!!!

Love Always,

Your True Self