Miss Maysha. She Woman.

Last, but definitely not least. My childhood BFF Maysha and I live on a rollercoaster within our friendship. At times, we're up, then we're going in circles and sometimes we crash. There's a bond which exists between us "that" neither of us can deny. We've experienced a whole lot together and we've also missed some beats in one another's lives.

She's beautiful and a pretty incredible woman. A mother to five children, but three are now adults. Her ability to persevere through challenging situations if a force to acknowledge. Of course, I can't rob her of the opportunity to share her own story so I'm sparing no personal details, however, I will share what she's meant to me and why she remains relevant in my life.

We've practically raised our children together. They share social networks and respect one another like family. We experienced our last pregnancies together and our daughters spent nearly every day of the first year of their lives together.

Growing up we were partners in crime. She'd tell her family she was at my house and I'd tell my mother I was down the street at her's, while we were blocks away flirting with older boys. We would call ourselves chocolate and vanilla.

I genuinely love my Maysha regardless what we've been through. Whether we're up or down, still I pray for her and her family. Not too long ago we were on an off-spell, but when she found out my mother passed away she came to check on me. In person. Being the loving, compassionate woman that she is, "it" wasn't a second thought to make sure I was ok under the circumstances.

I remember when I had my first daughter I couldn't seem to find a caring and safe babysitter to watch her while I worked nights. Even though Maysha had a housefull, she still extended help and kept my daughter for me on several occasions. My daughter would always spit up after a feeding and "it" took a whole lot more than just dabbing away the mess. She would have to change my daughters clothes, get her settled and calm again. Then she'd have to mop up the vomit. Would you know "this" phenomenal woman didn't complain once? Unbelievable, because I could hardly handle "this" from my own baby.

Maysha had to become a woman long before her mind and body was developed into one. She remains hopeful and determined, while putting forth her best efforts to create a comfortable lifestyle for her family. Her eldest son is now a father so she's a glamma (her word). Laughing out loud.

I must mention all the whoopla we cause when we go out in public together. Being single and liking to mingle is an understatement when we hit the town. Good "thing" we've been so busy attempting to readjust our lifestyles, "that" we haven't gone out in years, but I feel an itch coming on and she's mentioned "that" we're long overdue so "this" summer better watch out.

What we share in common most now is the lense we view our families from. Unfortunate, but a reality which we both have had to come to grips with. The first step towards our healing is acknowledgement. The second; taking positive action to make a difference in our own little families consisting of our children and circles of true friendship.

#GODain'tdonewithUSyetbetterasksomebody!

My Canary. Human Bird.

My firstborn daughter was long overdue. I was beyond excited when I found out I was pregnant with her because I wanted to become a mom since middle school. So much, "that" I wrote down a list of names for baby boys and baby girls. Quenarii's name was taken from my personal list. Her name is pronounced as canary like the bird, however, I chose a unique spelling of her name to make "it" completely her own. We've only met one other girl with the same name, but spelled differently.

My daughter is the original, one and only, Quenarii on "this" planet in the entire universe. Ha!

I shared the news with her father, but we were on two different pages so I experienced my entire pregnancy as a single mother. Thank GOD I had my mom to talk to throughout "it." During "this" pregnancy we were best of friends.

Some of the most memorable experiences were my cravings for original Doritos chips dipped in chocolate chip ice cream and the stench of In & Out Burger, which made my morning sickness symptoms worse. I still, to "this" very day don't like the scent of In & Out Burger when I'm near one.

Now, about my big princess whom will turn 18-years old in less than two months. She's a beautiful, strong-willed, talented, intelligent, and a responsible, young Christian lady. My girl!!! She was a laid back baby and she's a laid back teen. Thank GOD!!!

She's always excelled academically and in her extracurricular campus activities. She was on the stepping team in middle school. She's currently on the dance-guard team and was a cheerleader during her junior year at her high school. I haven't even mentioned the role model she is to her peers and how she has stepped up in church when called upon.

A recommendation from her history teacher in middle school got her the opportunity to be accepted into the school she attends now. She was the first student at her high school to be accepted into a university. She's completing honors-level classes and has had a few advanced placement classes with the opportunity to earn college credits.


I really have a pretty-fantastic, awesome and amazing, well-representing, teen!

Because I once was a girl, I can comment accordingly. Girls are sassy and talk a lot. My teen is known by outsiders as quiet, but we know she can get beside herself with "that" mouth of hers. People tell me it's a common teenage phase, which helps, but I accept no excuses when "it" comes to respecting me as mom at all times. "This" was a huge challenge we faced last year, but "things" are shaping into positive gears between us as of now. I'm beyond glad.

My daughter is so much more on track in her life than I was at her age and I acknowledge "it." I do my best not to allow the financial setbacks I face to affect her having the best high school experience. "Where there's a will, there's a way" and I've got the will so ways are being made.

As we prepare for her prom, which happens to fall on the very same date as her birthday, I'm reminding myself, "that" by praying and keeping GOD at the forefront of my thoughts throughout each moment of each day, will help us to prosper. I cannot do "this" all on my own and I'm fully aware, but I know who can enable me to: JESUS!!!

I'm more blessed than I realize at times. My children are my greatest gifts. Becoming a mother to my beautiful firstborn daughter saved me from countless poor choices I'm sure I would've made. I felt the need to consider how my actions might impact my child's life. I still function with "this" thought in mind and "it" protects me from making too many careless decisions. I take my role as a mother seriously and witnessing how beautifully my big girl is blossoming is so rewarding.

So, does "this" uncaged bird sing and fly? Laughing out loud. Well, she does sing and once she completes her tumbling classes she'll be hand-springing in the air with wings of courage.

                                                                                             

My Black History: Day 15.

If there's any Black celebrity or public figure I'd like to honor during this blog series, it's the late Johnny L. Cochran, Jr.

Of course, I remember the infamous OJ Simpson trial, however, what's an even better recollection of mine regarding "this" great lawyer, is the fact that he was a commencement speaker at my high school graduation. 

I didn't graduate from a traditional high school. I graduated from Maxine Waters Employment Preparation Center in 1997; two years later than I should've, but still, I did "it."

Another personal tie to "this" Black greatness of a human being is "that" my eldest daughter graduated from a middle school, which was renamed after him called Johnny L. Cochran. Jr. Middle School.  

...I'll have to go on a hunt through my old photos, that were printed almost 20-years ago to find one of him at the podium speaking on "that" high achievement day. 

My Black History: Day 1

Defining My Black

What am I? Black or African American? 

I've debated with folks about trying to differentiate the two, but If I'm forced to choose, I can tell you.

I AM A BLACK WOMAN. 

To date, I haven't been interested enough in tracing my family tree to its original roots, but with knowledge passed on by some of my elders from my mother's side of the family, we're linked to the Cherokee Indian Tribe. I don't know a single African member of my family. It's no one's fault. Just a fact. 

The Black vs. African American argument can get complicated, but for me it's quite simple. I won't state it here, but I can't omit how the "N-word" plays a significant role in "this" as well. I'll explain further.

In a former Cultural Pluralism class I took at CSUDH  one of my classmates got into a heated discussion with our professor about his personal experiences interacting with Africans in America who were originally born in the Motherland. He said, that he was looked down upon by Africans as an African-American man born in America and because of "this" he doesn't consider himself African-American, but a Black-American. He went on and on about how Black-Americans are perceived by Africans as ignorant Americans who don't know their history without any real connection to Africa.

Of course, his experiences don't define mine, but Africans, African-Americans and Black folks, have a continuous problem, that other's can't fix for any of us. The onus is on us. There are no ifs, buts, or any way around "this."

I wish there wasn't so much residue still present from the times of slavery. I wish "that" none of us possessed the "(house) N-word or (field) N-word" mentality; let alone, the existence of the word in any dictionary. Martin Luther King, Jr. had a dream and I have wishes.

Blackest vs. the not-so Black = N-word vs. African-American.

We divide ourselves. I recall being in the 7th grade when I first learned, that I was a "light-skinned" Black girl. Before then, I only knew "that" I was Black and stemmed from a Black family. Being labeled as such brought on a lot of confusion and the need to defend myself as a real Black girl, but why? 

How dare anyone discount my belonging to Blackness, simply because I have lighter skin? That's how I felt then and still, now. I'm more attracted to darker skin, however, Black is Black as far as I'm concerned.

I'm not mixed; both my parents: Black. It's not just "something" I identify as. "It" is how I was born.

One of my childhood bestfriend's is a dark-skinned chocolate beauty. I used to have a hard time believing her when she said her mother treated her lighter-skinned siblings better. Until, her children shared their own experiences with me about how differently they're treated by their grandmother. "It" seems unreal, but unfortunately, it is and her family isn't the only Black family guilty of influencing the division present in our culture.

Black people are an ethnic group. African-Americans are those whom haven't traced their roots of origin, but were born here in America and simply accept the identifier-label as a Black individual. The exception: Africans born to American parents or those who are actually mixed, having one African parent and the other, American. All Black folks regardless of their origin, were referred to as "N-words" at some point in history and even in some cases still, today. 

Do I use the "N-word?" When speaking in slang, which is my native tongue, and only in conversations with people who comprehend my language. For others, I'm aware "it" offends, therefore, I exercise courtesy and consideration of their feelings by refraining from using "it" in their presence. 

Words are as powerful as we make them and allow them to be. I am much more concerned with how people treat me versus what's said. Words have meanings, but don't define anything substantial without action.

Back to the "N-word?" I had an argument a few years ago with a man I was dating who tried to convince me, that there's a difference between a "N-word" and being Black. In a nutshell, all the examples he used to make references to what a "N-word" is offended me on several levels because I fell into some of those categories. He wasn't bold enough to say "it" to me directly, but he insinuated that "N-words" come from disadvantaged backgrounds, generations of ignorance, and aren't capable of acclimation. Remember, slang is my native tongue so what he was attempting to state or how I interpreted "it" was simply, that "N-words" come from, live-in and act "ghetto." Not Black people.

...To be continued on Day 2.

 

We Just. Never Know.

I got a phone call this morning that brought sorrow to my heart. One of my childhood friends lost her eldest daughter today. I'm in shock, but I also accept the news with some understanding.

We hear people say "it" and I truly believe we're all are aware, that tomorrow is not promised to any of us. When we lose a loved one "this" reality settles in and we all react to it differently. I am touched deeply because I am a mother of two beautiful girls and I'm saddened at the thought of being in my friends shoes on a day like today.

GOD has the final say. Period. Even through life's most difficult times, knowing that GOD is always in control helps us to make it through some of our toughest seasons.

It is HE who created each one of us. It is HE that we can always find solace in. HE is the beginning and the end.

We are not to question HIS actions. We are not to wallow in grief, but to pray for strength and acceptance of a new reality. HE built families to stand together through EVERYTHING. HE gave us friends to help support us through life's journeys.

We cannot toy with why. We can only deal with what now is and encourage one another to hold onto the precious memories of what was. Time does heal pain and some losses take longer to live with than others.

PRAYER and FAITH is the best medicine against any anguish or ailment. We all belong to GOD. When HE says it's time... "It" is out of our hands.

GOD BLESS everyone grieving for beautiful Destony De'Janay today.

My dear friend Alisa,

I don't have the words nor can I say, that I understand. You know GOD. I know you do. Only HE knows how long you'll be sad, but I hope to encourage you to remember, that you are NOT alone. Please don't beat yourself up about ANYTHING. HE chose you to be her mother and he specially created her in his likeness to share time here on this earth with you.

Before you were born HE knew what you needed. As you learned about life and discovered motherhood, HIS plan was already in place. Know that GOD knew you when HE made you and everything you've experienced (even today) is all part of HIS plan and purpose for you.

Stand my friend. Easy for me to say to you I know, but that's all I can say as my heart is very heavy at this moment. We (your family and friends) are wrapping you in prayer and no matter your emotional state right now: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

I love you with the LOVE of GOD, as someone who knew you as a little girl when we used to talk about having kids, and as your peer who can only imagine what you're feeling. I'm standing and praying for you, your other children, and the family as a whole.

GOD BLESS in JESUS name. Amen.