Family Time. Well Spent.

My big cousin from Chicago and his friend drove into Los Angeles from Las Vegas this morning so I took off from work early to hangout with them for a bit. We had lunch together and walked around the Beverly Center area. I really had a good time with them.

He reached out and I reached back. We both made an effort towards some moments worth sharing together. I may have only seen him all of 3-4 times in my life, yet I still feel the familial connection. "That" alone is meaningful. His friend "J" was good company as well. Today was a great day.

Miss Maysha. She Woman.

Last, but definitely not least. My childhood BFF Maysha and I live on a rollercoaster within our friendship. At times, we're up, then we're going in circles and sometimes we crash. There's a bond which exists between us "that" neither of us can deny. We've experienced a whole lot together and we've also missed some beats in one another's lives.

She's beautiful and a pretty incredible woman. A mother to five children, but three are now adults. Her ability to persevere through challenging situations if a force to acknowledge. Of course, I can't rob her of the opportunity to share her own story so I'm sparing no personal details, however, I will share what she's meant to me and why she remains relevant in my life.

We've practically raised our children together. They share social networks and respect one another like family. We experienced our last pregnancies together and our daughters spent nearly every day of the first year of their lives together.

Growing up we were partners in crime. She'd tell her family she was at my house and I'd tell my mother I was down the street at her's, while we were blocks away flirting with older boys. We would call ourselves chocolate and vanilla.

I genuinely love my Maysha regardless what we've been through. Whether we're up or down, still I pray for her and her family. Not too long ago we were on an off-spell, but when she found out my mother passed away she came to check on me. In person. Being the loving, compassionate woman that she is, "it" wasn't a second thought to make sure I was ok under the circumstances.

I remember when I had my first daughter I couldn't seem to find a caring and safe babysitter to watch her while I worked nights. Even though Maysha had a housefull, she still extended help and kept my daughter for me on several occasions. My daughter would always spit up after a feeding and "it" took a whole lot more than just dabbing away the mess. She would have to change my daughters clothes, get her settled and calm again. Then she'd have to mop up the vomit. Would you know "this" phenomenal woman didn't complain once? Unbelievable, because I could hardly handle "this" from my own baby.

Maysha had to become a woman long before her mind and body was developed into one. She remains hopeful and determined, while putting forth her best efforts to create a comfortable lifestyle for her family. Her eldest son is now a father so she's a glamma (her word). Laughing out loud.

I must mention all the whoopla we cause when we go out in public together. Being single and liking to mingle is an understatement when we hit the town. Good "thing" we've been so busy attempting to readjust our lifestyles, "that" we haven't gone out in years, but I feel an itch coming on and she's mentioned "that" we're long overdue so "this" summer better watch out.

What we share in common most now is the lense we view our families from. Unfortunate, but a reality which we both have had to come to grips with. The first step towards our healing is acknowledgement. The second; taking positive action to make a difference in our own little families consisting of our children and circles of true friendship.

#GODain'tdonewithUSyetbetterasksomebody!

My Black History: Day 21.

Well, look at "this." I'm blogging for my 201st time on day 21 of my Black History series and it's leap year. I have a couple of "things" to mention within today's post so here I go...

As the very last day of my own Black history month of recognition, I'm reminded about the significance of numbers. Seven as being very Holy to me. So, capping my series at 21 feels like I'm in the right place at the right time. My family consists of 3 members and by my personal calculations I've done a good "thing" here with "this."

Remember the white board, that I brought into our house which ultimately became our inspiration board? Well, it's still making good use. My youngest daughter drew a picture commemorating Black History. I'm so touched by her creativity/artistry. Black History month keeps us informed and teaches the younger generations about all the challenges we've overcome and those, which we still face as Black people in America.

"No More Segregation!!!" That's what my little girl meant.

I agree. Diversity over division. 

So, last leap year I wrote a letter to my future husband with hopes that by this leap year I'd be married. Well, I'm no one's wife, not engaged and can not honestly say, "that" I'm in a serious relationship. Still not time for me and I'm ok with "it." All in GODs timing so I'll just continue to hold onto my faith and wait for the lifemate, that He is purposely readying for only me.

My momentum for blogging is at an all time high. I look forward to these moments when I force myself to stop whatever "it" is I'm doing to turn inward and to concentrate on my own thoughts, while also, creating "this" digital journal, that I can refer to at my leisure. "It" is indeed, a very good "thing." 

"Won't stop. Can't stop. Not now."

My Black History: Day 20.

I'm honoring my lovely, Black-self on this lovely Friday. It's been quite nice reflecting on my own Black History throughout this month. Sure we have our common Black History themes annually and the reminders about who paved the way for so many of us today, which is necessary, but far too often we are persuaded to behave like, appear like, and to lead our lives like others. I have a right to turn inward and to concentrate on my own life without feeling guilty, which is exactly what I do here in "this" blog.

 I'm so glad to be back! 

Welcome to my Black present! 

My Black History: Day 8.

Remembering... 

To simply take a moment.






Present.

And So. I Thought.

I had what I was going to blog about all planned out. I mean, I've been thinking about "it" all day and even over the weekend, but oh! How a single moment can change anything. My mood this evening went from a happy yellow to a raging red.

Why?

I'm still sorting through my thoughts about "it." On my way home from work I stopped at the grocery store to get a few "things." When I finished paying for my groceries, I felt my cellphone vibrating in my pocket. My first thought was, that it must be my eldest daughter calling to ask me to pick her up so I made every effort to grab my phone and answer her call, but I couldn't.

Why not?

Well, when I looked at my phone as it vibrated continuously, the screen was dark. As if my battery had died or something. I know that I should've upgraded my phone within the past two-years at least, but I made the decision that I was going to use it until it became unuseable. Whatever the problem was causing my phone to vibrate was so persistent (extremely annoying), that it just vibrated all the way home, as I walked into the house (gladly, my daughter was there already), and kept on as began to try to get situated after coming in from a full work day. "This" was so distracting to say the least, but I'll share more...

I lost my cool. I wanted to destroy my phone because I was so frustrated with the vibrating noise and the fact, that I couldn't gain access into "it." Before I went off on my iPhone 4 (yes, it's 5-years old), I attempted to fix it by plugging it into the charger; that didn't work. I then asked my daughter how to remove the sim card, which she showed me and I got it out, but the bleepity-bleep phone was still vibrating. At "this" point I wanted to fight "it."

Why?

Ok, I'll admit "it." I've got some unchecked anger rooted in my upbringing, some personal setbacks, my status as a "babymama" (double-time), my economic struggle, not having control of my own time, lack of passion for the "things" that used to contribute towards my daily cheerfulness, feeling overwhelmed about all my responsibilities, and not being able to say exactly how I feel to some people for the sake of "saving face and keeping the peace."

Sometimes, we break ("things"). Tonight, I broke my phone. I am somehow, now able to write peacefully about "it," but my children were puzzled about witnessing my tantrum and asked if I'd "be ok." I assured them I would be, but I needed to get through "that" personal moment of despair. I wallowed in "it" for about 45 minutes, fussing about how upset I was at the phone and how "it" was messing up my night.

How did I give that piece of junk so much power over my mood?

I'm not sure, but I do know, that I was very immature with how I handled my frustration over a device. Needless to say, I'm not so into my phone "that" I can't live without "it." However, I'm a mother, I have a job, and folks that are concerned and care enough about me to call and/or text me.

How can they now?

They can still leave a voicemail message, but I won't know until I check. I'll no longer be alerted instantly. I'll miss texting.Yes, I'll replace the phone probably very soon, but I didn't have to make it an urgent matter.

Did I?

No, now "that" I'm thinking (instead of feeling so mad) it probably would've vibrated itself completely out of charge. Then maybe, just maybe, but I guess I'll never know now (silly-foolish me... not laughing, but smirking at myself). I could've recharged "it" and perhaps, it would've been fine. Now, I'm hoping, just hoping, that AT&T has magical powers to retrieve my data, which is now hammered into the deepest inside parts of the device, literally. Wouldn't believe, that I formerly kept "that" phone in tip-top condition and it still appeared new outside of the protective case.

What to do?

Admit my error: Done. Reckon with myself and move on: Currently in effect.

I'm no longer afraid to share my failures as my willingness "to do" so, helps me to better accept and consider my choices moving forward. I completely failed myself in the department of self-control tonight, but I also recovered. Totally, right here in "this" sacred space in time for me. Thank GOD!!!

How am I now? 

Still blessed and highly favored. Next!

One moment, each day at a time is the best way for me to find balance within myself and others.

Still Writing. It's Wednesday!!!

How lovely it is to return here on my favorite day of the week: Wednesday. I can feel the momentum building deeply within me as I get into a new rhythm expressing myself in words. Writing is one of my gifts. One, I've been aware of most of my life, but do I love it?

Well, I do. Although, my former actions haven't really demonstrated a passion for it. Being shamefully-honest, I haven't really demonstrated a true passion for anything consistently, other than proving my righteousness when I'm being challenged or when I'm exerting physical energy.

I was reminded by a recent situation where my eldest daughter and I weren't seeing eye to eye, that my desire to be right and to win can cause more hurt than help in some instances. I had so much to say and so did she.

In our communicative manner addressing the problem, we both knew, that it wasn't helping us come to any resolve during our disagreement. It wasn't until we exchanged some pretty descriptive emails over the following days when I realized, that my daughter had said a whole lot more than I actually heard, while in the heat of our dispute.

As my eldest daughter finishes high school and becomes a legal adult just 5-months from now, there are levels of maturity, that I find necessary to exercise. We both can't be brats, while trying to work through challenges together. Yes, she's almost an adult, but she'll have to experience life as an adult before she can really see life through my lens. Stepping into battles about what life is with my teenage daughter is foolish on my part.

So, I've learned!

To demonstrate is much better than any explanation alone. Blessed with the gift of gab, I can speak to no end about what I feel is right, omitting no details. I've discovered, that a percentage of what I say just will not be remembered. By myself or the listener. I want my words and messages to stick; to remain as Top of Mind Awareness (TOMA) in people, that I speak to. Especially, when I'm talking with my daughters.

It is better, that I write out what I want remembered. The impact of revisiting what I've written prior, is just as effective and personally touching as it was when those words were only thoughts present in my mind. It's a real treasure to reread where I've been, to reminisce on past experiences, and to be reminded about the challenging situations I've overcome.

I have begun the change with the woman in the mirror; being me.

May my Heavenly Father continue to further develop and shape me as a leader in "this" life's journey as I take action "to do" more than just talk about it!!!

Something For: Alisa Thompson

Dear Lisa,

GOD Bless you my LOVEly funshine!!! If you can peek through the stress clouds for just a moment I hope to help you to think about some comforting "things."

What a fortune to have birthed such a shining example of a true leader. Especially, in a time like now when so many little girls are lacking hope, positive examples and not having the direction or trying hard enough on their own to pursue their dreams.

I've been thinking... More so, about all the good, that everyone will remember about your daughter Destoney. In a short time she's positively affected not only the lives of her immediate family and those dearest to her heart, but also so many of her peers.

"It" is so very soon. Too soon to be sane and/or as others might expect you to be presently. Don't you worry about "anything." Everything, that has the potential to fill those clouds of stress will be rebuked and taken care of in JESUS' name. Your FAITH will ease "this" pain.

We're the same age and I feel strongly, that we (you and I) have experienced some similar feelings about life and our individual purpose in "it." Hers was served Lisa. I say confidently: In the BEST way possible.

Remember how I used to tell you, that I wanted to be as pretty as you? I really thought you had "it" going on living with your grandmother, father and brother during the time I knew you best. I was always so hungry, remember? You would take me in the backyard into the shed after we had worn ourselves out playing dress-up, performing and singing like the little divas we were. I'd eat cookie after cookie not really wanting to go home away from my princess friend who lived the "Happy-so-Joyful" little life that was so appealing to me.

The fights. You know: I was just jealous. I'm sure you've experienced a whole lot more of that well after elementary school. Where were the "stop bullying" campaign's back then, right? GOD Bless you: Mother to an Angel.

As we matured into adolescence I heard (through the grapevine), that you had gotten pregnant. Honestly, I thought you had lied. I'm sorry. It wasn't until we crossed paths again during our high school years and I learned that your beautiful babygirl, Destoney was attending the childcare across the street from your high school.

I had no idea Lisa. Much of what I felt then, was how lucky I thought you were. Here I was (back then) running away from home chasing after my first LOVE yearning to become pregnant and once again; sweet-pretty little Lisa always getting what she wants does "it" again. Yes, I was ignorant. Kids know nothing until they've gone through some "things," wouldn't you agree? I know. ;)

Thank you for your all your LOVE!!! For having and keeping such a forgiving heart for others. GOD has you. HE IS going to continue to keep you.

Your purpose IS still being fulfilled. I know with all that you've gone through and with your continuous and shameless acknowledgment of GOD being the head of your life: HE has revealed some "things" to you. "I can" only speak to you in "this" manner because I know you know HIM Lisa.

I will go out on a limb and say, that I believe part of your purpose has been for others to see. For people to truly understand what beauty is. Those of us who really know the essence of your being; holds the honor and privilege of knowing you and your children. You were a beautiful little girl and you're even more beautiful as a woman and mother.

You are now a living example Lisa. For other women who will cross the roads you have seeking direction. You have become the role model your children need you to be. You still have work "to do" because you have a compelling testimony and a real-life story that will help young girls (like we used to be) have "something" positive to follow by. Doesn't life feel pleasing when we think more about LOVE and fulfilling a purpose? HIS purpose. Her life's journey will be a compass in high demand. 

Destoney had "it" made already. There's no need for her to suffer any pains of "this" world. Whatever she has gone through "it" was enough. Not our say. What GOD says. Your job well done funshine. We praise HIM for sharing and delivering her to us. You were worthy to be gifted as her mother. Gifts for each other first, then blessed abundantly to spread with others. Her garden IS planted!!! We'll nurture it together.

I'm finding so much comfort in knowing her needs were fulfilled. She was always a "mommy's girl" and residing with her mommy may have been one of her biggest dreams to come true. We know how challenging this world is today Lisa and you will eventually find peace with the example your precious Angel left. Be very proud of yourself no matter what. You are a rooted factor in her legacy.

Her siblings are so fortunate being witnesses to what beauty and LOVE can do together. How LOVE honestly and amazingly defines beauty. Because of GODs LOVE in you Lisa, you were a chosen vessel. I'm so sorry for your grief my dear friend.

Do you know the profound affect babygirl is about to have not only directly on your family/friends, but on so many of her peers? So many of whom, which don't have any type of understanding of what LOVE looks, feels and speaks, like. You know; that kind of LOVE you have for life, for people, for Destoney, all of your children, the LOVE she had for you, her life, her siblings, but above all: The functional/operative LOVE knowing GOD and that, HE will see each of us through!!! Just as HE has thus far.

Ride the emotions. Allow yourself to release the sorrow. You must continue to develop according to GODs plan for your life. You have an army of righteousness, that will stand together and fight with/for you. You are very much in your season (exactly where GOD wants you) and you are still leading by example. GOD has given you a break so that you can learn what HE needs you to in order to press forward.

The LOVE GOD delivered here through you when you gave birth to Destoney has been given back to you. I believe GOD is wrapping her up to be delivered in a GREATER way. By way of a desire, "something" promised to you because of your FAITH. You may not stop crying when you want to, but I promise "I can" feel the tears of JOY that'll soon be swimming in your soul. Keep pressing Lisa. Stand "20-feet tall (live video)." Pray. Just wait and see how much more she's going to encourage/inspire you. I LOVE you.

P.S. This got long... I wont question why. I suppose I'm being true to the "big-mouth Andrea with so much to say." The one, that only my true friends (like you) know. Now when I see you "I can" simply be with you. If I say nothing during "that" moment "this" is my stated peace/piece.

In Prayer,

Andrea Lampkin :)