I'm Rushing! My 50th Blog.

Wow! I couldn't have predicted that I'd be so into this blog when I first began writing. It's so powerful for me now, that I can hardly imagine doing without it. I LOVE my blog!

I barely got here today. Time moved so swiftly. I wish, that I could say the same for my own movements. Even with an early start today, I was still a lagger while I cleaned my friend's apartment. My little one was with me, but I can't blame her for slowing me down. I kept her day productive within the midst of my own agenda.

In fact, I hadn't even thought about blogging today until I was on the way home. Again, I almost forgot. Oh my goodness me!

I don't even want to think about how I'd really feel about missing 1-day!

Fifty-days of consistent action on my part is OUTSTANDING!!! Especially the fact, that it's something I'm doing on a whim. Blogging is no longer a thought. "This" IS something that I now do and I'm in love with "it!" So, I'm going to continue doing "it." 

I'm growing. I'm developing. I'm transitioning.

Thank You JESUS!!!

Let's Talk. About LOVE!

Last night, my playbrother and I had an interesting conversation about "how the world/people is/are in 'this' day that we live in." We agreed that many folks are currently living in fear stemming from various reasons. Also, that so many people are unwilling to acknowledge/recognize and spread LOVE. It really IS a crying shame. However, together we "can" make a difference!

Two relationships touched me today. One was about the former NFL player, Chris Draft and his late-wife, Keasha Ruteleage-Draft. One of my friends posted Mr. and Mrs. Draft's wedding trailer onto Facebook where I first learned about their story. As sad as it is knowing, that they only shared 1-month together as a married couple, it's also amazingly incredible to see LOVE in ACTION shared by two people who obviously love one another without condition.

Please witness Mr. & Mrs. Draft in LOVE!!!

That IS LOVE. Lasting Opportunity Victorious Everyday. Undeniable GOD Strength!!!

The second relationship that caught my attention is between Jim Jones and Chrissy Lampkin. I just became aware of their relationship from the reality show that each starred in, "Love & Hip Hop." I didn't follow the show, but I did catch a reunion episode a couple of weeks ago. Today, I watched a few episodes, which aired on VH1's "Love & Hip Hop" marathon.

Naturally, I took notice to Chrissy's last name because I share the very same last name. I take pride in being a Lampkin and I wanted to see how well she represents the Lampkin name. I am proud of her. She stands her ground and takes action to get what she wants. She LOVES her man and IS in no way ashamed of "that" LOVE. Jim knows "this" and it's apparent the man LOVES her.

We should all mind our own business as we witness them minding theirs...

Both of the above mentioned relationships are/were founded on LOVE. It's evident by their outward gestures towards each other even on public display. The more I understand the truth about LOVE, I can wholeheartedly say today, that LOVE has no shame.

LOVE makes itself known. Period. 

How soon can we all stop questioning "it" and just let "it" be?

Get Rid. A.S.A.P!

I've been in a "let's get the job done" kind of mood this week. The timing for "this" couldn't be any better being the New Year's woman I am.

We took all the Christmas decorations down today. My youngest daughter helped remove each ornament and I took the tree to the dumpster. As an adult, I'm more excited about getting the tree out rather than in.

I finally began tackling our kitchen as well. It's been in useful order, but not cleaned to my satisfaction. I do go the extra mile when housekeeping for others.

It's about time, that I exercise the same attitude for myself! 

So, as the New Year approaches, I'm going through the process of elimination. That goes for all the "junk" around me and in my home. I too, will stay away from accumulating "it."

People who have no purpose in my life or who don't recognize any purpose in theirs, must go. I've had some friendships that were burdensome because those individuals didn't want to do right in their own lives. Without even realizing it at the time, I was enabling them by being there for the rescue when called upon.

What I mean by "do right" is taking responsibility for your own actions, attitudes and outcomes. There are so many "adult-babies" living amongst us presently. I am in the process of "growing myself up" as I blog and recognize personal areas of needed improvement/development.

I'm not only cleaning and organizing my home, but my mind, body and spirit as well. As childhood dreams resurface, I feel a strong urge to get ready. Ready for? Everything that has seemed and felt impossible up until "this" point.

Anything really IS possible. Just have to make room for "it."

Mommy Time. 1on1.

I can't believe I'm up doing "this" right now. Today IS a new day! I am within my structural "blogging" bounds. Laughing quietly... ;)

Since it's only my youngest and I for the next week, I'm thinking that I want to make our time together count a little more. I don't feel like I give a "fair amount" of "mommy time" to my children individually. I do what "I can," but really I want to do more...

So, I've decided when my little one awakens me in the morning (in a short-few hours), we're having school today. She's going to be shocked to see that I've set-up our homework and craft center on the dining room table. I'm calling myself out so I've prepared accordingly...

Of course, I'll be tired. I may not even feel like it. For my daughter I will. I'm sure it'll be a lot of fun, once said and done!

I'm also thinking about making sure, that my eldest gets her "mommy time" with me accordingly when she returns home. My daughters are over 7-years apart. Their difference in age is so relevant. I'm beginning to realize "this" in a way that I haven't before.

All day (today), my youngest and I will play in a manner that my eldest would quickly be bored with. When we're all together there are many "things," that my eldest understands, yet are incomprehensible for my youngest. Parenting is such a delicate responsibility...

As I learn more for myself, I'm doing my best to teach patience to each. One almost knows. One doesn't know yet. Sometimes, neither of them know any better.

How well "can" I teach? 

I Welcome. The New.

Christmas is over. Yes, LORD!!! We made it happily through and I can now plan accordingly. I love the New Year. I really do.

This year has been eventful. As I reflect back, in January I wasn't sure if we'd find somewhere better to live. I wasn't even sure if I was making the right decision about attempting to do so.

During my final semester at CSUDH this past Spring, I wasn't getting the necessary feedback from the office of records and admissions. I was very diligent with my efforts to ensure that I would indeed graduate, having completed all the required courses to receive my bachelor's degree. A couple of months before I graduated, I felt lost and couldn't define my purpose continuing with higher education.

In July, I began working full-time as an office manager for a small business. The experience was new and it confirmed that my skill-set is up to par. I also learned that I'll never have a high tolerance for nonsense. I thrive on fairness and honesty, which must be present in any workplace that I'll dedicate my time towards.

By October, I became unemployed and needless to say, financially "things" have been rough. Until, I change my perspective about money; no amount I make will suffice. I have some poor budgeting habits and I'm really just now acknowledging this. I can now reshape my thinking about finances and make better decisions regarding.

I attempted to position myself as "someone's" girlfriend, twice this year. I can admit, that I wouldn't mind having a life partner to share some responsibilities with and happiness in love, of course. I'm still not ready for the "Love of My Life." I believe now, I'd only appreciate him for what he can "do" because I haven't saved myself or my family yet...

There's still some personal goals that I want to fulfill before I enter into an intimate lifelong relationship. I have to get the Lampkin household in complete order. This means being able to cover my overhead comfortably so that I'm willing to "do" other "things" like date, doll myself up just because, and attract the proper attention.

So 2012, I've been looking forward to getting into you. I am more ready than I've never been. It's about time, that I stand tall (20-feet) and walk within the heals of success and not just on them. I not only see, but feel and believe in my abilities just like/more than so many others who've crossed my path.

The immature games in my adulthood are officially OVER!!! 

Revisited. Gladly!

Oh, my beautiful brussells sprouts! Overcooked them once again. They're still tasty and I'm going to eat each one, mushy and all. I'll just try to cook them properly next time...

I spoke with my sister Tonia, today. We had a deep conversation and she triggerred something within me. She needs the confident older sister who's about her business to stop playing. Yes, that older sister is me. My sister can use some companionship and a shoulder to lean on and I'm incapable of making that happen for her immediately. Personally, I feel that it's a shame.

Am I waiting on Prince Charming or what? I mean seriously. I'm holding onto my household by a very thin thread and I admit, I'm not putting my best foot forth in the right areas like I know "I can." I'm so over being a big baby about all things. Not being able to be there for my sister like I really wish I could doesn't settle easily with me.

Then, my next younger sister Tiffany just gave birth to her second baby girl and where am I? Too complacent with my position in life and not really seeing how selfish I've been. Now, I'm not in any way coming down on myself too harshly. Real is real and this reality has to change for the better.

I have sisters. We didn't have to be raised together to share a common bond. We're all women and mothers. None of us are married. How okay is "that" really?

What really matters is, that we have a support group with eachother. I'm the eldest and I want them to be able to reach out to me without hesitance. I don't want them thinking about my struggle and going "it" alone because of.

Creating a strong family foundation is a lifelong dream that I have. It seems that I've lost track with my pursuit of, until I spoke with my sister today. It's so not over!

I thought that I was over brussells sprouts. I hadn't had any since my childhood and back then, I thought they were the most disgusting vegetable grown. My children didn't even know what they were until recently because I've never brought them into our home. It was when my aunt brought them prepared properly to our family Thanksgiving dinner this year, that I was reminded nothing, but GOD is absolute.

I will keep pushing, fight harder, and try without resistance. I need me and so does my family. Word!!!

I Can. Commit.

This has felt like a lazy week or shall I say, that I've felt very lazy. I have accomplished some "things" like getting my eldest packed and off to her dads this past Monday. I returned to my aunts place today (day 2 this week) to help her finish with holiday cleaning. She asked if I would come help last weekend.

Man, I feel beat. Let's see... I haven't dedicated any time to fitness lately. I've been eating chocolate cake like a kid eats candy. Oh yeah, the fast-food we've been consuming must be contributing to my lack of energy.

Something has to be done about this and immediately! 

The only "thing" that I've recently been committed to is writing this blog. I think it's about time that I kick "things" up a notch. The timing couldn't be more fitting either. With the New Year ringing in next weekend, it truly is a time for doing away with the unnecessary. I'm ready to welcome the "newness" that my heart desires.

Just a snippet of a few desires I have...

1. To eat healthy regularly.
2. To exercise daily.
3. To do/make something creative often.
4. To earn/save BIG $.
5. To let go of bad habits.

Nothing listed above is impossible and I know this so well. What I know better is, that if I remain consistent with the above mentioned, I'll experience positive results continuously. I "can" and I will.





I AM CLAIMING POSITIVE RESULTS CONTINUOUSLY ON A CONSISTENT BASIS!!!

Loving My... Chocolate Wednesday!

I am so overdoing "it" with this wonderfully delicious chocolate cake that was given to me at church last Sunday. Mother Linda baked it for me at the request of her son, Minister Kerry. He had told me months ago, that he'd ask his mother to make a whole cake that I could have for my birthday.

I absolutely love Mother Linda's cakes. They're consistently tasty, moist and full of the best flavor. It doesn't matter if it's vanilla, chocolate, marble etc. Her cakes are just good! GOD.

My birthday happened to fall on a Sunday and I was present at church that day. Yes, I was looking for that cake. Minister Kerry had forgotten. I wasn't angry, but I couldn't believe it. I just knew that I'd have cake for and on my birthday. Last year, my mom bought a cake for my children to give to me. I'm not sure why "it" didn't happen this year. I wasn't bothered by it, but I noticed.


Honestly, if I did have a cake on my birthday it probably would've went to waste. I wasn't really craving sweets that week. I believe my focus on beneficial nutrition and exercise was under better control then, as well.

I actually received my (belated) birthday cake from Minister Kerry right on time. I'm enjoying every single bite of each slice. It hasn't been an entire week and I have about 4 slices left. My eldest daughter wont get any because she's out of town and my youngest will be lucky to get a slice. I did share a few pieces with a friend.


So... since I plan to make a few New Year's Resolutions... I'll continue to enjoy the last of my oh so: Yummy/Delicious, Rich/Moist, Whipped/Buttery, Melt-in-your-mouth Delectable Desert!!!

Without Mine. For Christmas.

Last year, my daughters spent Christmas Day with their fathers. It was their first time doing so. I would've never imagined this to take place a short while back.

At first, I thought being without my children on such a significant holiday would feel lonely. I couldn't have been anymore wrong. My first Christmas solo since becoming a parent was a relaxing. Knowing that my daughters were with their other halves was a delightful feeling. They were safe and surrounded by family.

Isn't that what the holiday season's about? Right.

I have yet to plan spending an "adult-only" holiday with my friends. Of course I could've made arrangements to do so long ago, but my guilty conscious about leaving my children behind has always bothered me. I'm sure they would've been fine with my family if I had gone out on such occasion.

There is something refreshing about my daughters being in the care of their dads. I understand what's out of my control and I'm cool with "it." I cannot tell these men what to do or how to be when my daughters are with them. They're their babies too and because the time spent is so limited, I think they all appreciate  their moments together. For my girls and I, it's break from one-another that's so necessary.

If it only happens for Christmas; we'll take it!

I don't get many presents on Christmas nor do I pass many out. The children (mine, friends/family) are usually who we shop for. When the budget allows, I'll go the extra mile to surprise others.

Guess who gets to sleep in on Christmas Day? Yes, me!

I'm so accustomed to going to bed late on Christmas Eve due to last minute Santa set-ups and such (laughing out loud). Sleeping in is a present alone. One that I cannot wait to take complete advantage of. Guilt-free because my daughters will be enjoying their time with their daddy's!

I thank GOD!!! :D

Dually Noted. Checklist!

My eldest daughter and I had a good time together last night while getting her all packed and ready for her 2-week winter vacation with her dad. I told her to create a checklist early in the day and she didn't want to do it. We had done this before; last year when she went to visit.

I found having a list as helpful. So I decided to create a list anyway since "Ms. Independent" supposedly had it all under control and refused to do it. My list proved itself necessary before we finished packing her luggage.

The list included 5 main categories: Undergarments, Season-Wear,  Sleep-Wear, Toiletries and Shoes. There were several other things that I did add to the checklist, which I thought "went without saying." I'm sure my daughter will be appreciative of my "OCD" tendencies when she gets settled with her dad.

She would have forgotten socks, her cellphone charger, amongst a number of "things" that I thought she had gathered. The bonding time between us was fun, but more importantly we both realized some "things." I was reminded just how very dependent my daughter really is. She realized it too.

Earlier in the day, I told her that I'd help her style her hair and she agreed. When she did comb her hair, she didn't ask for my help. I was a bit surprised. Only because I thought she was excited that I was willing to do it. This is a rarity. Combing hair is not my thing, but I do what I "can."

So I  almost trusted that she had herself covered. She's almost 14-years old. She knows what she needs for her trip, right? Right, but rarely do children double-check...

I'll credit efficiency to adulthood. Many teenagers do a fair job of being effective and on task in all areas of their lives. So many more excel with their parents continuous support. Whether our children recognize "it" or not!

STAY ON AND WITH THE CHILDREN AT ALL TIMES!!!

We Were. Busy Bees!

What an event filled day we had today...

When I awoke this morning at 7 a.m., I thought about blogging immediately because I knew that time might get ahead of me today. I didn't want to rush, but I am watching the time as I type. Go figure, right?

I had a surprise breakfast with my playbrother. Afterwards, my children and I went to pick up their schoolwork that's to be completed over the winter break. Then, we met with our aunt at her job for a brief moment... and a few other destinations!

Interesting? Well, yes. I was not feeling well at all yesterday. Oh, but today. A new day that my children and I, amongst so many other of our loved ones who've been blessed to move about within.

We had the energy of bees with all the moving around we did today. Who would've predicted this yesterday? I know! Only GOD!!!

Let's Remind. Ourselves!

I've had a rough week with everyone in my home being ill. Usually, it's 2/3 being sick, but for all of us to be under the weather simultaneously, has taken its toll on my mental state. I'm feeling a little grumpy and not feeling the Christmas spirit today.

Thank GOD, today is just one day! If I'm blessed to see tomorrow, I can begin my day with a renewed mind. It's something about Thursdays that has me in a funk...

Perhaps, it's because I'm so close to the weekend, but reminded that it's not quite the weekend on Thursday. Whatever it is, I need to find a way to welcome Thursday in a joyous manner. No matter what day of the week it is, it's still a gift from GOD.

My family is so blessed. Our little family of five; 3 humans (me+2 kids) + (1 dog+1 turtle). We are all alive and loved by one another. What more could I ask for?

We have a comfortable place where we live. The electricity and heat works well. Our refrigerator has ample food and so does the kitchen cabinets.

I am feeling better and my daughters are recovering from being ill. I suppose I'm anxious for all of us to be back to normal. In due time...

Why would I allow a bad day or a bad moment to overshadow the GREATNESS of GOD and HIS undeniable POWER? No excusable answer.

JESUS IS REAL!!! 

Heaven Mary. Never Forgotten.

Ms. Mary was a mother, wife, caretaker and the neighborhood "Big Mama." If not for she and her husband's rearing of my eldest daughter while I was trying to learn my place as a mother, I wouldn't have accomplished half of what I have at this point in my life. Ms. Mary and her husband James Swift (Jimbo) were like surrogate parents to me.

I really thought they'd be here forever, I guess. Never had I considered what I'd do as a parent without them. When I was 6-months pregnant with my youngest daughter, Ms. Mary suffered a heart attack caused by a blood clot and died in her backyard. I was devastated and my daughter's heart was broken.

On a day like today, memories of Ms. Mary and all that she and Jimbo did for me and my daughter weighs heavy on my heart. I remember when my youngest used to get sick I'd be nervous and unsure of the best ways to nurse her back to good health. All I had to do then, was pack up her clothes and take her over to Ms. Mary's. I'd bring her back home once she was well.

Yes, I'm aware that I had it made being able to do that.

My goodness do I miss them? So much. I suppose, that I needed to grow up eventually and be more responsible as a parent. For the most part, I can now credit myself for putting my children first and parenting in the best style I'm capable of. I really do try my best.

Ms. Mary is smiling on us I'm sure. My children are with me daily and I'm not trying to pawn them off on others. I used to be selfish. On several occasions, my eldest daughter wanted to remain in my presence, but I was always on the go back then. As long as she was safe, which I knew that she was with Ms. Mary and Jimbo, I had peace of mind while I was out on the go.

Jimbo did get to meet my youngest daughter before he passed away nearly 1-year after Ms. Mary. I was silly to think that if anybody went first, it would've been Jimbo because he was fighting cancer. It was Ms. Mary's love and tender care that kept him living. He didn't feel like he had much to live for after losing his wife of more than 25-years.

There are somethings about the two of them, that I'll always carry with me. Love supersedes ALL! No matter the circumstance they always had a smile on their faces. Ms. Mary never really asked me for anything. They weren't living a lavish lifestyle, but they were content with what they had and boy did they go the extra mile when it came to their little princess, my daughter. Not one birthday, special event and/or holiday went unacknowledged.

When I needed them, they were always there. If I had known any better, I would've spent so much more time with them and my daughter together. I'm feeling so sensitive at this moment as I reflect on how much they meant to me.

I cannot stand to cry and I'm unwilling to admit that I am right now. Guess I'm just feeling like a baby because I'm ill. I can't be the baby because I have two looking up to me.

I'm forever grateful for the guidance of my surrogate parents. It's also because of them, that I will remain determined and continue fighting towards success. I miss Ms. Mary and Jimbo. Heavily today!

Hope is not gone, nor is it lost.

Handle That! Phone Call.

I was frustrated earlier today when I was told by my daughter's new health care provider, that she couldn't be seen. As a new patient, she's required to have a physical and they don't take walk-ins. I'm sure they could tell, that I didn't have any interest in formal procedures. A doctor somewhere, was going to see my daughter today. Period.

She's been home ill for 2-days now. I just took my youngest daughter to the doctor as a walk-in yesterday evening. My children have always had the same doctor until just recently. We received my eldest daughter's new health insurance card in the mail last week.

It did surprise me to receive the new card with a new primary physician and location. I did not make this request and I know that we have the right to select/change our HMO provider at anytime. Something told me to call the health insurance company at that very moment when I opened the envelope, but did I? No.

My eldest daughter will be spending the Christmas and New Year holidays with her dad and she leaves this coming Monday. I thought best as a precaution, to just take her to the doctor today to make sure her symptoms are only cold/flu symptoms and nothing more serious.

After being turned away by the new provider, I asked if they could refer us to somewhere that I could take her where she'd be seen today. I wanted to be sure that wherever we went would be covered under the health plan that was selected for her.

In the past, I wouldn't have thought beyond just getting her to a doctor. As I think about how I'll get out of debt, I'm conscious enough to do what I can and not accrue any new unnecessary debt. If I had taken my daughter just anywhere, it's likely that I would've gotten a medical bill in the future (even though we have health insurance).

"I should've made that call that day" is what I was saying out loud to my daughter as we exited the medical building. Reality set in before we walked to the vehicle. I decided to call the 1-800 number on her insurance card before going to urgent care so at the very least, on her next doctor's visit we could see her usual physician.

The insurance representative was so helpful. At the top of the call, I expressed how unhappy I was about the situation. I needed to make sure that my daughter would have verifiable medical coverage today, if I initiated any changes to her health plan within the call. The representative understood my concern and made the necessary changes. All in about 10-minutes!

Off to her regular doctor's office we went. Everything went smoothly and I found out, had I just gone to them first, they had the ability to change her health plan there in their office. Learning never ends.

Thankfully, all she has is a stomach virus that no medication can be prescribed for. Light diet and lots of rest were the doctor's orders. She's all clear to vacation with her dad.

-I will work harder at being more diligent and responsible with my family's needs!

Gut Feelings. Instinctual Reactions.

As I think about some of the choices I've made, I'm okay with them. Even those, that afterwards felt like I had made a mistake. Simply because I have a natural tendency to keep it moving regardless. I don't wallow in sorrow or throw pity-parties.

If the aftermath of a choice that I've made breeds unpleasant results, I just deal with it. Considering the aftermath for too long before making a decision only influences me to straddle the fence. I'm about taking chances while understanding the risks involved.

It's usually my intuition that tells me whether or not to take a risk. If it goes well, awesome. If not, why? I may not expose every answer accurately, but I'll learn from what I find.

Towards the end of last year, I made the decision to move my family from the single occupancy apartment building that we had lived in for nearly 5-years. My children were unhappy living there and so was I. My original plan was to stay put until I graduated. Graduation time was around the corner, but there was an internal tug on my spirit.

The thought of moving before my final semester tickled my soul. I began apartment searching when I had no money saved to move. I just knew that if had gotten approved to move somewhere, that everything would be okay. I was right!

Where my family resides now is where we're meant to be for the time being. I had driven by the place several times and wondered about it. Initially, I felt discouraged about applying for it because it's in residential neighborhood and it just seemed like I wouldn't qualify as a potential candidate.

After being rejected for a 1-bedroom apartment, I really felt discouraged. I almost convinced myself that I needed to follow my original plan and just wait. When I thought that I had accepted this fate, I passed by where we live now and something told me to inquire about it. The next day I parked, jotted down the number off of the for rent sign, then called.

I took my children with me to view the place 2-days later and once we saw the large living room and kitchen, we fell in love. We started pointing where we'd put this and that, whose room would be whose as we peaked out of windows imagining the place as ours. I prayed and claimed victory over all while in one of the bedrooms.

We moved in February of this year and I can't imagine where we'd be now, had I ignored my gut feeling. The transition hasn't been as smooth as I'd like, but it's working out gradually. The most difficult task was accomplished when I received my keys after signing the lease.

The Task? Trusting my instinct. Believing that it could happen. Exercising the necessary manpower.

GOD IS REAL!!! 

Teach Me. Young One.

I just witnessed the best school talent show I've ever seen! My daughter was a performer in a group with two of her friends and guess what? They won!!! I am so proud at this moment.

Not only does my eldest daughter continue to blossom and surprise me, my big girl takes care of business. Seeing how passionate she is about the things that are important to her inspires me. She is diligent when it comes to completing her school assignments and rehearsing for a performance.

I admire how she's coming out of her shell. I've often referenced her as being my shy side (personality-wise) to the extreme. When she was younger, I was concerned that her timid nature would prevent her from taking advantage of opportunities. She's sure showing me!

When she was in about the 3rd grade, we had an interesting conversation that left us both upset after it ended. She had a talent show at her school that she didn't want me to attend. It hurt my feelings that she was so serious. I didn't get it. I couldn't understand why my desire to go didn't excite and encourage her.

She explained to me then, that if I went to her talent show she'd be more nervous and not do well. That made me angry. I must've went on for an hour about how I'm her mother and there will be times when I'll have to be present as her guardian and on and on...

I did not go to that talent show. In fact, I never really used to see her perform at home. Of course I knew my baby had rhythm because she had to "get it from her mama," but she wasn't a "look what I can do" kind of kid. She was and still is mellow for the most part.

It wasn't until last year that I was honored to see my baby shine. This occurred in public at the Westfield Shopping Center. There was an open casting call for American Mall Model Search, that she wanted to audition for. The evening we went my youngest daughter had fallen asleep in the car and I thought twice about taking my big girl.

Simply because I didn't think she would represent. I was tired too and I almost drove us straight home. A voice said to me "are you really going to disregard her little hearts passion right now?" It made me feel like I wasn't being supportive of my baby. My first born.

Both of my girls auditioned. My big girl was chosen to come back. Of course, after the shenanigans (time+money&catch= no guaranteed future opportunities) we returned for the talent show finale. I was blown away by my daughters dance number. I didn't even know she could move like that.

Watch this... ;)

My daughter is working with a whole lot. Both of my girls are. One fortunate mom I am. I know that I have my work cut out rearing them properly. Never again ever, will I doubt the possibilities of the future especially in the respects of my children.

CHECK THIS: If we (ADULTS) don't support our youth (especially our own) while they display positive growth as they develop into confident adults, WHO WILL?

I'm loving the many lessons I experience raising my children. 

Get One. A Mentor.

I am so incredibly privileged to be mentored by a woman who is such a beautiful and dedicated person. We were paired together by the Student Support Services Program (SSS) at CSUDH and Women and Philanthropy of Carson, California. Her name is Alison Bruesehoff, Director of Dominguez Rancho Adobe Museum.

We were introduced in Spring of 2010, but not in person. There was a luncheon that took place on campus where students and the organization (Women and Philanthropy) could get acquainted. It was in the evening that day and I had a class that I couldn't miss so I arrived at the luncheon when it was almost over.

A few weeks later, my SSS advisor told me that I had been paired with Alison and that she thought we'd do well together. It took a few more weeks before we met. Since meeting, we've become friends and I cherish the wisdom she shares with me.

Not only does she make herself available to meet with me, but she invites me in. She includes me and my children to attend and participate in various special events that are held at the museum. We go out to lunch and I can volunteer whenever I want. There are no walls in between our relationship and it's apparent that we come from two different backgrounds.

What we have in common is a drive to succeed and an unselfish desire to help others.

Alison is a wealth of knowledge for me on so many levels. She is an established professional and a wife. So much more, but those two titles are positions that I'm (currently) curious about holding myself. I'm so grateful to have her in my life to answer the inquiries that I have.

It's like having an educated and experienced big sister who does not judge my actions. Rather, she listens to my thoughts and helps me sort through them. She observes my actions while helping me to find balance with the paths that I've chosen. She encourages me to follow my passion(s) and to pursue my dreams. I love her! :)

This is my first experience with a mentor and I can't imagine not having one now.

Big Deal? Big Deal.

I went to Costco this afternoon and I was in a hurry (again), but I managed to renew my membership and finish shopping within 30-minutes. Something funny happened. It was amusing to me.

My youngest daughter loves blueberries. I just began liking them recently, this year. We've been getting them at the grocery store since she's was about 2-years old, when I discovered how much she enjoyed them with her grandmother. 

While moving through lanes as quickly as I could, I had already passed the produce area. I know that it's a much better buy getting the blueberries from Costco and more for my buck, so I went back. They appeared fresh, but I'm picky with food and I had to find a tray that I thought wouldn't go bad before the weekend. Found it, but as I headed towards the checkout stand I thought to myself "now you know you didn't have to be so anal."

After paying for the groceries, the boxer (they don't bag) dropped something. I didn't see what it was until he picked it up and showed me that nothing had fallen out of the blueberry container. He said, "nothing fell out." I asked him, "did it hit the ground?" He answered, "yes, but the tray didn't open and none of the blueberries touched the floor."

I looked at him with timid disbelief. He asked if I wanted him to go get a new tray for me. I answered yes. He replied, "are you sure? You really want me to back and get another one?" I responded, "yes, because I want them to last long. Now they'll be bruised." He smiled. I smiled, but I didn't budge. He went to get a new tray.

Why did he take so long though? It was actually about 7-minutes, but remember... I was in a hurry before I even began shopping. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't have been timing him had I prioritized my day differently.

So what he took a while. He went to get the blueberries that he didn't feel like going to get. It's his job, but I don't pay the man. He brought back a good tray though.

Funny Part...

I got a new tray of blueberries. Being in the hurry that I was in, even more so after slowpoke took his time, I loaded the blueberries in the back of the wagon carelessly. I thought twice about the way I positioned them in the box, but I didn't make any changes. I rushed to get into the car and go. I made 2 turns before I heard/saw the box (containing the blueberries) shift. I figured just my luck; the dang blueberries got bruised anyway.

Big deal? Big deal, but no real problem. The blueberries are still edible! ;)

A Righteous Messenger.

Yesterday afternoon, I met a man in a the grocery store parking lot. I was in a bit of a hurry so I almost shunned him as he approached me. Before he got close enough to say one word, I had already seen him walking in my direction with a donation bucket in hand...

He began saying, that he was an evangelist and was trying to collect donations to spread the message of GOD. I'm sure he read my body language, but I interrupted him and told him that I only had $2 to purchase one thing from the market. I got ready to tell him maybe another time and he responded, "it doesn't cost anything to talk to me for a moment."

He was right!

So I allowed him to have a few a words with me. He asked me had I read the Bible and I told him that I honestly, just picked up my Bible to attempt to read it in its entirety on my own about a month ago. I shared with him, that I had only gotten beyond the first few chapters in Genesis. His face lit up and his demeanor changed when I shared a little of what I understand about what I've read thus far.

He smiled.

After conversing with him for about 15-minutes, I asked if the papers he had in his hands were information that he gifts to people. He said that he used to give his literature away, but it's costly. At that point, I gave him some knowledge. I asked him if he blogs and he replied "no." I suggested that he set-up a blog account where he could simply provide the URL to people he meets like me.

His knowledge/message can be passed along freely.

I know he has to earn a living and the donations that he's asking for aren't in vain. He was an enlightened spirit, but also a man whose flesh has to eat and survive as best as he can personally. Before our conversation was over, he asked if I could make a donation. If I had it, it was his when I saw him smile...

He also shared with me, that he didn't belong to any church because "we the people of this nation are the church and our discussion about GOD IS fellowship." I think I'll always remember how this man has chosen to spread GODs word. Shamelessly.

One by one. One person at a time. With patient persistence and understanding.

He didn't share his personal testimony. I don't know what he's overcome and his appearance was as decent as I looked. Without assuming anything, I'll bet he's gone through some things, but what an intellictual mind he has. If I see him again, I'll share more time and maybe I'll have a little change too!

They call him Love.

Facebook Enables. We Allow.

I had an AWESOME birthday weekend! I really did!!! :)

I'm not sure that I would've received so many thoughtful birthday wishes if Facebook didn't exist. Many of my Facebook friends are people who I don't see on a regular basis and we use Facebook to stay in better contact. These are the same people who probably wouldn't remember my birth date if it weren't for the digital reminder that Facebook enables folks to see.

There were some people that I expected to see a post/message from. Some posts/messages that I received came from people who I least expected. Without an obvious action, it's easy to think that someone isn't paying much attention to your page. Aside from the 3rd party applications that supposedly reveals "top friends" who viewed my Facebook profile the most, how else would I measure that activity on my page?

On Facebook, unless someone posts directly on your page, likes a post/comment, comments or sends a friend request/message, one doesn't really know who's spending time on their profile page. One also doesn't know just how thoroughly an individual peruses their page or the length of time spent. Over time, I've observed some communication patterns between my Facebook friends and myself.

I use Facebook for the following 10 purposes:

• To get/remain in contact with the people I know or newly meet
• To witness how people "freeze time and moments" and share pictures publicly 
• To learn about some of the interests/adventures that people have
• To find out what people deem as important and newsworthy
• To see details about events
• To share my blog and some insight on my personal being
• To monitor/detect behavioral patterns of my "real-life" friends and family 
• To kill time when I'm bored 
• To communicate with people that I don't hang out with regularly or at all
• To be exposed to new creativity and information  

I love the access and instantaneous nature of Facebook. The only problem I've had with it is what I allow. On numerous occasions, I've logged into Facebook with the intention of being online for a short duration; something like between 15-30 minutes. Right... I'm learning to be more honest with myself about the attention that I give to Facebook. I get caught up in it and the time flies when I do. 

Knowing my own behavioral patterns on Facebook, I have to be reasonable with myself. If I have a busy agenda or I'm time constrained for some reason, I do not login to Facebook until my business is handled. Point blank. Exploring the Facebook community can be just as alluring as a Black Friday sale on payday. 

My Facebook profile only represents about 25% of my true character. That's an estimate. When I was on Myspace a few years ago, I became infatuated with the amount of Myspace friends that I acquired. I had over 1500 people on my friend list. Of them, only 200 were actual acquaintances, friends, family and/or coworkers. My diligent desire to be courteous and respond to all those who posted and/or sent me messages regularly became overwhelming. 

Why was I dedicating so much of my time sitting on my behind typing messages to strangers with no purpose? This question prompted me to shut down my MySpace account. I'm somewhere between the early majority and the late majority regarding Facebook. Due to my experience and what I allowed on MySpace, I wasn't very interested in joining Facebook initially.

Now that I do have a Facebook account, I monitor myself fairly well. I have exercised a lack of self-discipline with Facebook in the past, which has prompted me to "temporarily deactivate" my account twice. I did so because when I was in school and had finals, I'd login to Facebook unnecessarily and lose valuable study time. That was my fault with what I allowed and not Facebook's. 

Whoever came up with the idea to make it challenging to delete our Facebook accounts was a reasonable thinker. I'm so glad that when I "got over" myself and the attitude I had with Facebook's existence, that I could simply log back in to retrieve my page as it was when I abandoned it. Laughing out loud!

People just need to be mature and responsible with  the information that's shared. Facebook is only as bad as we let it be. It's such a great pathway to communicate otherwise. 

We should enable ourselves to be aware of what we allow so that we can take the proper actions to change what we feel is necessary!

I Remember. My Brother.

August 24, 1970 ~Kevin Armon Walton~ December 3, 2003

a.k.a.

"EVIL"

Oh me, oh my. I will not cry...

Dear Spook,

I miss you man. We all do. I feel your angel's presence here with us regularly. Remember that song by Alicia Keyes, "You don't know my name?" Of course you do. That song comes on the radio at the most random times. It's happened when I was unsure about something. From seemingly nowhere, that song comes on and it provides me comfort. When I hear it I know that I've made the best decision and/or I'm moving in the appropriate direction. It's you.

All I know is that your spirit is with me and I'm at ease knowing this.

Mama is still mama. You know this too. Fantasia is trying to figure this adult life out and aside from the nonsense we all grew up enduring, she's like most 19-year olds. I stay out of her business, but you know that I know when to display a check and I'm always on guard in regards to our children. I haven't seen Faith or Ke'lonie in some years. It hurts knowing you'd resist any excuse why this is so. I'll just say I will put forth a stronger effort to change this...

Quenarii will be going to high school next year. Wow, right? Right. She's a little sneaky, but I keep a tight lock on her and she respects me. She wants to become a journalist and she's doing great in school. You never got to meet Rahbyn. She is such a ham. I think you'd say that she reminds you of me when I was little. Nonstop hyperactivity daily. She's just curious and outspoken and you know wild blood flows through our family's veins anyway...

I'm doing okay. I graduated again, but this time from a university. I'm still preparing myself for the journey to financial freedom. Not working currently, but I'm enjoying my freedom and we're making it regardless. I'm still single and still working on the pessimistic outlook I've had about intimate relationships. I'm getting out more and meeting new people these days.

You taught me best Kev. You were my father figure and you exercised an incredible amount of strength. You were the warrior in our family and the demonstration of manhood that I needed to be exposed to. You were a GOOD man: An intelligent young black man without a father who was very protective of his family just living life and battling against the struggles of a plagued ghetto.

Who ever thought I'd reside near your neighborhood? Maybe that's why I feel your presence so strong sometimes...

In your memoirs, I found a scrap piece of paper where you had written this quote: "Somebody's got to be the hero, why not me?" I thought about it and analyzed why you made that statement. You lived by this motto...

I have no idea when/if I saw you cry. I know there was pain beneath the surface of that big, gleaming-white, pink bottom lip smile of yours (laughing out loud). You were such a manly man. We'll never know how you dealt with those emotions on a personal level. 

I've found comfort in the realization that you'll never experience anymore pain; that you'll never have to worry about getting locked up again; that you're not disabled dependent on others; that you don't have to choose between your hood-family and your biological, and that you can watch over us all 24/7. 

I know that you are better where you are now. I'm still fighting to break the cycle and the chains that we were born into. I feel stronger and wiser everyday in some way, shape or form. I THANK GOD for sharing you with me for 26-years. I'm BLESSED for the guidance/protection you provided. I stay hopeful because of the many inspirational discussions we had. 

No man can fill your shoes, but I promise the one I marry and bring into our family WILL measure up!

I love you Spook and I didn't cry! 

I feel a frog in my throat though... ;)

I said. I Would.

A few weeks ago, I agreed to help my playbrother with a project at school. He's taking a video production class and needed a female talent for his assignment. I starred in his original commercial as a spokeswoman for "FLAVOR LIPS." I had fun with the script. I really did!

He confirmed my participation by sending a text message to my cellphone last night. I actually received 2 texts from him. One text included my lines for the commercial. The other was his way of confirming my attendance. My initial response was that I would be available, however, if he had any talent on standby to use that person.

I know that I told him (enthusiastically) weeks ago that I would. Since he hadn't confirmed any details with me (before last night), I didn't think that he was going to follow up with me. I lost interest in it and had nearly forgotten about it.

Being present at L.A.C.C. reminded me of when I used to attend P.C.C. That was almost 8-years ago. It seems that I've almost forgotten about the video production classes that I completed there. I was taken "back down memory lane," but this experience was completely new. I understood what was going on around me and it felt great to be on the flipside playing the role of talent.

1 line: "Has your romance lost its flavor?"

My biggest responsibility was just being present. All I had to do was wait, practice my lines, and act. I wasn't even as nervous as I thought I'd be. The only pressure I had, was having to memorize my lines in what I felt was a short time. It wasn't impossible so I did it!

Another line: "FLAVORLIPS makes any woman more irresistible and adds a great topping to any romance."

The script was cute and corny. I have no idea why his class doesn't record their productions. I surely would've posted my copy here today. Maybe there'll be a next time...

I said I would so I did what I knew I could and said I'd do. :)