I Must! Regardless.

Oh my, how the day has gotten ahead of me. I know that I should've been here blogging earlier today, but I just didn't. Now I'm fretting trying to get some words in quickly because I'm still so very busy. Today is almost over...

So this morning I had a pretty clear agenda for the remainder of the week up until about 1 p.m. this afternoon. My friend called and asked if I could help her clean her apartment before 5 p.m. tomorrow. I opted to get the job done today because I may have plans tomorrow evening and I wanted to keep my schedule open.

I called my aunt to see if she could use some cleaning assistance and she said Friday would be good. This is all great, but this is also my birthday week. What does that mean? It means that I've got to find some "me" time somewhere within all this productivity that I'm lining up.

Well, I've got to end this blog today without an official ending. So much to do and I don't want football eyes for my birthday... I must get proper rest!

Goodnight all.

Chances. Take Some!

Could I be ready to take some BIGGER chances now? Absolutely!

Being the natural risk-taker and adventurist that I am, I take chances that some of those closest to me will never understand. My rationale in many areas makes sense to others most of the time, but often my perspective or my way of "doing things" can seem irrational to some.

Who cares? I surely don't when I've come to a conclusion about a decision that I've chosen to stand by.

Making a decision can be the most challenging "thing" to do for the best of us. One can never tell if they've made the "right" decision or not, without making one at all. Fence straddling is a job for birds.

Avoiding some "things" can be an easy task. I do it all the time. I tend to stay away from what I don't like. That includes people, places and things. The problem with this: Over time, I'm learning that I really do like some aspect of these "people, places and things" that I've trained myself to stay away from. Some lessons currently taking place in my life are how well I tolerate unpleasant experiences and circumstances. I can't run and/or hide from any/everything...

I like onions and blueberries too. Not together (don't be silly), but I've just come to this realization in recent years after taking a chance one day and trying each. I do have particular preferences when using these ingredients to prepare a snack/meal and I make selective choices with my mode of consumption.  I suppose my tastebuds are maturing as well...

It's funny how some of what I dislike and manage to endure beyond dissatisfaction -turns into a love for something...

Dream On. Dream Away.

This is my last week being 33-years old. I want to get excited about my birthday so this week I'll blog (randomly) about what I've imagined since I was a kid up until now.

...I couldn't wait to become "grown."

From my toddler days throughout my teenage years I loved animals. Dogs and cats in particular. I had a few goldfish that didn't live long. I remember having a bird that I was afraid of. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I'd tell people that I wanted to become a veterinarian.

I really believed in becoming a veterinarian until I was in about the 9th grade. Personal issues within my home were a distraction and I thought more about growing into an adult and not so much what "I'd be" when I became one. People used to tell me that I was mature for my age and I gravitated towards an older crowd when I was just a teen.

...I'm a "grown" woman now.


The music I listened to growing up influenced my fantasies about relationships. I'm rebuilding and creating new fantasies -now that I've had some relationship experience. It's still just as exciting to imagine the infinite possibilities of sharing life in love, but it's no child's play. I have children that are part of my "as is" package and my man has to understand exactly what "grown" is.


My beautiful daughters. Each display both sides of my personality to the extreme: Ms. Shy and Ms. Assertive. How very interesting, entertaining, and educating it is for me to observe, nurture, and guide them as they grow into adolescents and become young ladies. Through them I learn more about the woman I am and developing into everyday...

I'm happy being this woman. This woman has FAITH. This woman has STRENGTH. This woman is full of LOVE. This woman has COMPASSION. This woman is full of AMBITION. This woman IS!

OUR GOD! Thank YOU!!!

I happen to be awake and thought best to make due with my time during these wee-hours...

I've been in a jovial kind of mood and so wanting to please, that I decided to help my home. For the umpteenth time, I allowed the laundry to build into a ridiculous state for one person to be responsible for. Today is the day. "Right now!" That's what I told myself...

So I went. I can't explain it, but I love getting the laundry done at this hour. It feels weird during the day. Laughing out loud!

As I'm loading one of the washers, I realize 1 blanket wont fit. This blanket I've been holding onto for YEARS. I had to be a toddler when my grandmother gave it to me. It belonged to a Raggedy Ann bedding set. From the set, the only pieces remaining were a flat sheet and the comforter.

I figured it's about time that I let it go and I threw it in the trash nearby. I guess I must've completely forgotten about the homeless man who was sitting at the front entrance shivering cold when I first walked in. My GOD. Only GOD knows I meant no ill will and that I obviously, wasn't wholly thinking...

There was only 1 woman at the laundromat when I got there except the laundry attendant (also a woman). She must've had 20 loads to wash (a slight exaggeration). To think, I had the audacity to leave 2 loads at home. I really thought that I was doing something.

While her clothes washed, she washed her car outside. I watched as she cleaned the interior with such care when I noticed that she was using an old detergent bottle for her soapy water. I thought about how she was making good use of "things" and her time, even as late/early as it was in the day.

When she came inside, she made a comment about how cold it was outside...

I was thinking "I should be washing my car." Even as dirty as the vehicle is presently, there was no way that I was going to truly entertain that thought. I had nothing to prove. A mere thought...

When I left the laundromat I noticed the homeless man that I had seen earlier, sleeping outside wrapped tightly in the comforter that I had thrown away. I'm not sure who gave it to him. I just thanked GOD...

I Am. Period.

My aunt told me "I'm one in a million," today. How can I ever forget? :)


GOD I thank YOU for GRACE and MERCY in my life.

GOD I thank YOU for the simple, yet most complicated "things" that I have an understanding for.

GOD I thank YOU for the woman I AM and all my potential.

GOD I thank YOU for my sweet, crazy/square/cool, LOVING family.

GOD I thank YOU for my FAITH and my SPIRITUALITY.

GOD I thank YOU for KNOWLEDGE and WISDOM.

GOD I thank YOU for YOUR undeniable presence of which I AM BLESSED to be in tune WITH.

My Thanksgiving. Amen.

Let's Make: Monkeybread!

My mother would be so livid if I ever dared...

People make such a big deal about secret family recipe's, don't they? Well, they ought to. I'm not so sure that more than one family shares the exact same dish prepared the same exact way. Even though we all share some common family traditions.

Our family makes monkeybread. I never thought of it as a big deal, but the reaction that people have when they find out where to get one homemade is pretty flattering. To know that my mother shared a "jeweled recipe," that I can make mouths water over, is also quite incredible.

I actually planned on having Thanksgiving dinner at my place for a few close friends to enjoy with us this year. It just feels like I've made the best decision to just do what we normally do, and that's getting together with our little family. I'm the designated monkeybread maker regardless where we celebrate Thanksgiving.

My Aunt Babysister made it very clear when she called to let me know that Aunt Tootsie needed my help. She said, "whatever you decided to do for Thanksgiving this year, we still need you to bring the monkeybread." So after thinking about how I'll manage doing that and having Thanksgiving dinner at home too, it just seemed selfish to attempt a "drop-off" for my family.

Honestly, I'm relieved. While my friends will be up all night getting the holiday feast together, my monkeybread will have already baked! Not teasing, just making a point to myself of course, right? Right... Rolling on the floor laughing out loud! ;)

I will actually just relax as I think about the meal that my family, collectively will share... the thought is so YUMMY2MYTUMMY!!!

Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all: BE THANKFUL for IT all!

Thanking GOD for EVERYTHING all the time!!!

Growing Old. Together.

Today, I cleaned at my aunt's house for our family's Thanksgiving dinner that we'll be having there. It was actually her sister (my other aunt) who called me last week to see if I might be available to help. She also wanted to inform me that everyone would be bringing a dish from home and to let me know whose home we'll be dining at this year.

We all usually gather at my mother's house for Thanksgiving, but my aunt's husband has been ill and traveling away from home for too long, is too risky for his health during this time. I found it interesting that my aunt who needed the help, didn't call to ask for my assistance herself. Probably because one of my recent horoscopes predicted that a family member who was in great need of help was too prideful to ask so I should reach out.

I knew exactly who this prediction was pointing towards. My Aunt Tootsie. She never calls and asks me for anything, but I can only imagine how full her plate is caring for my Uncle Al who's more than 20-years her senior. She's so sweet and doesn't complain about anything. You can hear the smile in her voice through the telephone and you're certain to see that smile when you meet her.

Her sister, my Aunt Babysister doesn't (really) ask me for anything either. Neither of them have any children. Their brother, my Uncle Bill has one daughter, my older cousin. She and I, are the next generation on my mother's side of the family. This side of the family is quite small and they're all over 60-years old.

Thankfully, with the exception of Uncle Al, they're all still self sufficient and healthy enough to continue working. Aunt Tootsie is unable to work because she provides around the clock care for her husband. I was at her and Uncle Al's house for only 7 hours and I observed some things that helped me understand what unconditional love is.

Shamefully, I don't know exactly how long Uncle Al and Aunt Tootsie have been married, but I know they've been married as long as I've been alive and I'm almost 34-years old. They were and still are the shining example of a loving couple in my eyes.

Uncle Al must've lived his life as righteously as he could've and treated my Aunt Tootsie with tender care and respect. I say this because what I witnessed today, was not a depressed and overburdened woman, but a woman who is cherishing every moment and every opportunity that she has to make/keep her ailing husband at peace/comfortable.

As I cleaned, I thought to myself "she's needed some help for a while." This made me want to do more than just good. I went hard. She was modest about the tasks she wanted my help with so I took the lead and made it a point to impress her. Now that I think about it, I should probably tell her how impressed I am with her display of LOVE. Not only for her husband, but for everyone in our family and those that she comes into contact with. I will tell her!

My cousin is out of town visiting with her mother and burying her grandmother so the responsibility is granted to me. I accept. I can't complain. I have an able mind and an able body to serve where I am needed within my family. GOD willing, one day it'll be my turn. I'll be an elderly woman who'll need some help of some kind. I hope that my own righteous ways lead me to become worthy of such honor when I grow older.

I was really glad to be there with them today. The cleaning was no problem at all. I saw LOVE at work today and in action without friction. Uncle Al knows he's in good hands with his wife and I believe that's providing a higher quality of life for him as he ages. Aunt Tootsie is appreciative of her husband and she's using every second of each day to express that love without complaining about the responsibilities that come with the territory.

LOVE is real. LOVE is kind. LOVE is patient. LOVE is everlasting. GOD IS LOVE!!!  

Irregular. Consumption.

I was really struggling for a topic to blog about today until I turned on the television to find the Zen channel (what I enjoy writing to) and saw that the Basketball Wives finale was about to come on. I almost got drawn into watching this episode to quickly catch up on what I've missed during the last season.

Why?

Probably because I'm in a funky kind of mood today. There's so much "to do" and I just don't have the motivation today. I had a long weekend taking all things into consideration and I feel mentally drained. I am functioning on auto pilot and everything kind of feels like a drag. Thank GOD "I can" snap out of this.

I've mentioned before that I don't consume much TV, but today would've been a great time to give the Basketball Wives some attention. Why not indulge in their mess as they portray such self-absorbing images of what marriage is? Especially on a day when I don't have the energy to deal with my own nonsense.

What I realize more and more each day is that I have to monitor my consumption levels in all areas. I so over did it today -nutrition wise. No fitness today and I exercised poor self discipline with portion control at lunch. Now, I feel like blah and I wish that today was an agenda free Saturday.

Just as I know that, now isn't the time for me to watch that show; now isn't the time for me to slack during this phase of personal development. Perhaps I'll catch Basketball Wives on a different day, but I'm not looking for it and it doesn't really matter if I ever see it.

What is the true benefit/gain of watching and listening to other peoples lives on public display?

Might I add: We only see what's edited/deemed by production for/as our viewing pleasures.

Yes. Yes. Sitting here with my thoughts and my Zen music typing these letters into appropriate words forming my own sentences grammatically styled into paragraphs that are naturally structured flowing like a story that is nothing more than a real life testimony about a moment in time that I experienced and feel the desire to share...    

Monitoring myself, my behavior, my attitude, what/when/how and how much I consume from my environment internally/externally, mentally/emotionally/physically wherever I go/am at all times because I'm a child of GOD!

Music Is. My Passion.

Okay, I've gotten my thoughts aligned and I'm under no pressure...


On my drive to the valley today, I was listening to some original snippets that I have recorded on my cellphone. I was thinking about how music moves me. Literally. I just love it and I'm like LL Cool J "can't live without my radio."

R&B is my first love. Hip-Hop/Rap doesn't fall far behind. Jazz is my adult preference. Pop is fun and I stay as current as I can to keep up with what my children like listening to. Gospel Sundays always and if I'm really feeling a particular artist, at the beginning of my day during the week sometimes. I'm not very familiar with country, rock or heavy metal, but good music is good music so if I hear something "good" that falls into one of those genres, so be it. It's still all good!


One can tell a lot about the mood that I'm in by the sounds of the tunes I play. Every Friday and Saturday night I want to hear club jams. I imagine that I'm at a club tearing the floor up. Most of the time, that's enough partying for me, but sometimes I really do get out and "take the night." ;)

I dance. I sing. I write. When I feel like it. I'm actually pretty shy when the spotlight is on me, so I usually stay away from it. I've found some ways to express my musical talents though. I joined the choir at church. In fact, earlier this year I even sang a solo in front of the entire congregation.

As far as the dancing goes... I'm doing my best to get back on the fitness track so that I can actually bust the moves that I envision in my mind. Laughing out loud. There are abstract moments that I have when I just dance. No particular style, I simply feel the music and let my body go.

I've been writing. Just like the snippets on my cellphone, I have a manila folder with pieces of songs, poetry and miscellaneous notations. One of these golden days I will get it all organized and completed (hopefully). In the meanwhile I'll continue on my journey of listening to music from those who love creating, performing and sharing it. Thank you music: I LOVE YOU!!! :)

This blog is helping to develop my inner being.


I agree with the saying that "music is a universal language and it brings people together."

First Things. First!

I'm not having it today...

Last night, I spoke about feeling under pressure with writing my blog on yesterday because it was near the end of the day. Let's try to fix this. I still have things "to do" and a lunch visit with my mentor at 11:30 a.m. I must get my hike in and it'd be awesome to get those 2-3 laps in at the park, before lunch.

Time management is an area where I can improve immensely. I hurry at the last minute. Preparing myself in a reasonable amount of time before hand has never been my "thing." Although, the few times that I have proved to be helpful.

So, here I am today. Making an honest attempt to manage my time accordingly while accomplishing all the "things" that I plan "to do." I really need to wrap it up quickly this morning. Time is ticking...

I'm really not liking this either. Rushing myself through this blog. It doesn't feel like I've eliminated the feeling of being under pressure here...

Pardon me, please. I'm off to get my thoughts in order. I'm everywhere and nowhere simultaneously. This may not be the last that you read from me today, but it also might!

Everyday belongs to GOD. I thank HIM for each!

Go Girl! To Myself.

I really prefer to get my blog up much earlier than this...

A girl has got to do what she has to. I had prior obligations that I was committed to, which caused a little delay within my schedule today. It's really okay though. I'm learning to stop bullying myself.

If there were any day that I wanted to take off from blogging, it'd been today. Simply because I'm not in the same mood as I was earlier. Not good or bad. Just, but I feel under pressure and this blogspot is not where I want to feel any pressure about anything.

I'm looking at the time and I keep telling myself "I'll get this posted before midnight." Big deal, right? It really is and I'm only distracting myself unnecessarily.

ATTENTION!!! At ease... ;)

This blog is the one of the few things that I currently do for myself on a regular basis. I used to get professional massages some years ago when I could afford it. I only do my hair and get my nails done for special occasions these days. So much of what I used to do for personal pleasure has become a simple memory. I'm making room for new experiences and remembering that I do matter... to myself (as well).

What I value over any material thing is time and making the most/best of it -will always be my mission. Just having the ability to be and do is exciting enough. "I can" encourage myself to do anything at anytime no matter what.

Andrea Monique Lampkin was here today. Go girl!

My Time? Your Time.

Why do I feel like I'm late getting to my blog today? Laughing out loud!

I'll tell you why. It's because I've become comfortable getting it posted by the afternoon. The bottom line for me is that I do it -daily (M-F).

Today, my day got ahead of me. I knew that I had an appointment at 11a.m. and it was important to me to get some fitness in beforehand. If not before, it just wouldn't get done. I did it!

I made an unexpected stop at Target to pick up some household items and some new CDs. Afterwards, I sat in the car text-messaging with a friend for about 15 minutes. With just over 2 hours before my scheduled appointment, I still made the decision to make that climb (twice).

Well, I was late to my appointment. How late? For me to know and you to wonder... laughing out loud! The point is that I was late. Was the business handled? Yes. No one made a big deal about my tardiness either. I suppose it could've been a big deal if someone wanted to create an issue with me about it. Was I lucky? No.

"I am BLESSED and highly favored." :)

After my hike, I had the nerve to make another stop at CVS before going home to get ready for the appointment. I witnessed something. The line was a little long and there was only one cashier working. I was the 3rd person standing in line and even though I had somewhere that I needed to be shortly, I didn't feel anxious at all. What I was thinking was... "boy, are they short staffed? Bet I could get hired here (if I wanted) or folks must be on lunch," when I hear a man say to the woman who was  making a purchase, "you move slow, you're young, you should be moving faster than that."

I looked at the woman who I thought he was talking to and she was staring at him with the same disbelief. She said, "excuse me? You don't know what's going on with people, I have a brain injury. I'm lucky to be alive. I'm moving the best that I can..." Do you know this man still had the audacity to wave his hand at her in an attempt to hush her (shut her down) anyway? The nerve!

It was none of my business, but I could not stand quietly witnessing that. I blurted out "you tell him. GOD BLESS you ma'am." He never turned around to see who said it, but I know that he realized his error when I chimed in. I felt impelled to speak out in her favor. I can't explain why, but I had her back at that moment without thinking twice about any consequence. The man did say sorry to the woman as she walked out of the store.

When I think about time I smile. People stress over it. I have too, but it's in my nature (ask anyone who knows me) to flow with time. I keep up with it the best that I can. I'm just glad to have it and I do well not allowing people's expectations about time define my character and/or abilities.

Unless it's a flight, a make or break circumstance, someone who just wont bend that I need for some reason or someone who needs me, a situation or a call for action that demands my prompt attention, just know: I'll show up... in time! 


There's something that I live by: FAITH! I expect others to have it in me. 

Take Inventory. It's time.

How much junk are you holding on to unnecessarily?

There's a lot that I have to assess before I can properly eliminate the "junk" from my life permanently. I've accumulated a lawn bag size of paperwork that I'll need to sift through. I'm sure that most of it is trash, but I want to make sure that it is before I throw away anything for good.

It's unfortunate that I'm needing to "do away" with people in my life that I've been holding onto for way too long. Those that are a part of my inner circle I've known for 10-years or more with the exception of one, whom I've known since 2002. Time to let one go... for the last time (same one).

It's been said and I'm sure that you've heard "you can't take everyone with you." It's a bit sad when you realize this. When the boundaries of respect have been crossed within a friendship time and time again, what do you do? Communication is helpful, but when is enough -enough? That depends on you. Well, in my case it depends on me. The truth is that I don't desire to hold onto the history that this friend and I share.

ENOUGH!

As I bask in my freedom to be, I welcome new adventures and experiences. Some, I'll have the privilege of sharing with my friends. Some, I'll have to go-it alone and/or with new people who may remain in my life for a period of time. I'm cool with that!

I've been exercising fairly regularly for the past few weeks and physically, I can see the "junk" vacating from my body. Makes me wonder why I even allowed the "junk" to get into my system and live within me for this long. Because I am seeing results and feeling lighter on my feet, there's really no turning back now.

I'm becoming more serious about my life than I've ever been in my adulthood. I'd like to call it a "mature-serious." Allow me to clarify. Being "mature-serious" means (to me) that I am accountable for my every action and fully aware of the "things" that I do. This influences me to be proactive in a positive and productive fashion. Taking the first step may be the most difficult move for us to make, but once we take that initial step it's easier moving forward.

Today, I say take that step to remove the weight that you've been holding onto, whether it's the excess fat in pounds, accumulated paperwork that's unorganized, and/or draining friendships that are stunting your growth. Fear not the outcome. Welcome the space for replacement or for it to be newly filled!


GOD is the only unchanging absolute presence that we ALL need to keep!

Take Time. To Reflect.

On yesterday, I was thinking about the day that I began my blog. Today is my 15th post and my third week at it. Some interesting things are happening to me since I've been writing. When I set-up the blog, I had no idea what I'd be writing about, how long it would be, or how often I'd do it...

Structure is taking place all on its own. Well, not exactly. GOD is in control at all times and there is something to be noted here. I'm subscribed to Daily Bible Quotes and I read my horoscope almost daily. Lately, I've been blogging before checking my emails and I'm finding that on some days, my thoughts are in tune with the quotes I read.

I can hardly believe that the theme of my blog is in sync with the Daily Bible Quotes on some days. It does make sense though. My path feels validated when this happens. Even on a few random Facebook postings, I can feel GOD speaking through the positive statements written by folks and it tickles me inside when I've blogged about something similar.

How am I able to relate while I write without having any prior knowledge about the Bible quote of the day or what someone has posted as their status on Facebook?

I'm spiritually tapped in. Really, I am.

Personal development is something that I'll always be interested in. I have an improving state of mind. Yes, somethings in life should be left untouched and as is, but so many other things require growth and action is needed to see them flourish. We can just consider my blogging as a cleanse. I'm gradually getting all the "junk" out of my system in the most fulfilling, honest and professional manner, that I'm capable of expressing.

So, I have read all of my previous blogs. I like how I know exactly where I was, what I was thinking, and what influenced my topic for the day when read each blog. Somedays, I felt really great. Others, I remember what I was going through and where my thoughts were. I'm glad that I've found an enjoyable way to reflect on my feelings and a healthy way to deal with them.

This has become such a justice in my life. I'm so passionate about my blog now, that I can't allow anything to prevent me from writing it. I wont allow any distractions because I realize this is something that I need. If I can only adopt this attitude in some other areas in my life...

One thing. One day. At a time. Is progress! 

Relax. Live Calm.

I'm in a very relaxed mood today. I awoke hearing my daughters arguing with one another and I yelled out to them, that I didn't want to hear that madness. Growing up, my mother had some creative ways with getting me out of the bed in the morning. Imagine being dowsed with cold water while your dreaming peacefully and waking up to a bass-filled holler as an introduction to the beginning of a new day...

To this day, I cannot rest or relax peacefully in my mothers home.

Thank GOD I'm grown! I have choices that I can now exercise freely. Daily screaming and yelling doesn't exist in my life anymore. Some days are challenging and feel less than satisfactory. On these days, I am not my best self, but I know that I'm not perfect so it's okay. Life is becoming much more enjoyable and easier to handle as I deal with the day at hand, hence "one day at a time and by the moment" is the best way for me to live.

I've told people that I goofed around in my 20s and that I'm just now beginning to "get it." Well, that's not completely true. I think I "got it" before I even hit 18, but I was yet a woman. Societies time clock used to bother me. It's fairly easy feeling like I'm not where I'm supposed to be. Knowing that I could've earned my bachelor's degree before I turned 25-years old is simply information that I can share with my children.

About 2 months before I graduated this year, I was stressed out. Mostly because I knew that the end was near and other's expectations of me. All our lives, we're told to finish school by earning our high school diplomas and to seek higher education (college) so that we are well prepared to establish a career that's fulfilling. This (they said) is what most people in our society view as success.

So what if the path above was not yours? It's okay.

We all have choices. Unhappy people have chosen to be unhappy whether they realize it or not. Once we realize all the things that are not in our control, the days get better. I am naturally hyper and sometimes it is quite difficult for me to calm myself, but I know how.

I know what triggers stressful feelings within me: Unhappy people. Of course, there are other things that attempt to disrupt my calm state, but being around unhappy people bothers me the most. I like to feel good and I want everyone near me to feel the same. I'm not in control of that though. All I can do is try and on most days, I'm willing...

If I were able to afford it, I'd get a professional massage once weekly (at least). My mind may be at ease, but my muscles are tight. It's okay because I've been working on being more consistent with physical fitness. Soreness, tightness and fatigue come with the territory. I'll just stretch it out. That works!

Calm is cool. No anxiety! Just relax. Choose to!

PRAY to learn how, if you're having trouble doing so...  

Yes. Respect.

I had an interesting encounter last night. Someone made it pretty clear that they were quite attracted to me. That's nice isn't it? He got my interest and we conversed for about 20 minutes...

What's the problem? Not one.

However, I'm proud of myself. For standing my ground. This man was very persuasive and on a different day, I might bite. Timing is what stood out loud to me during my interaction with him.

I'm just beginning to truly understand my place as a single woman. One who does imagine marriage. The fantasy that I'll live "happily ever after" with my destined life partner has just resurfaced within me. I almost lost hope. Raising two children alone has made me tougher than I was as a tomboy in my youth and I did become bitter.

It's easy to convince myself that I've been doing it -this long on my own, why take a chance with someone now? That's fear talking, right? It is.

So, as I grow into this superwoman-type of lady that I've been visualizing since I was a little girl, I've got to let some things go. Things being; hang-ups, issues from my past, and being too anxious.

That is... if I want the life and companionship that I'm destined for. Remember I mentioned timing?

We've ALL got to be more patient with time. We try to run it, but it really runs us.


It just seems to me, that most people are in a hurry most of the time (myself included). I'm trying to change this and be more relaxed with how life flows. I could've went to have an early breakfast or late night bite with him, but that seemed too convenient and too easy. For both of us.

LADIES: Please go to the following link to see just how "lucky" we are (laughing out loud)! No joke.

Black Women Who Want to be Loved

I've come to the conclusion that we (women) make it too easy to become infatuated with these men. Only they can decide on the right bride. I'm just completely over being the wrong broad. Boys you want some? Not sex. Real love. Then earn yours! Period. Not by "sugar-daddy" tactics, but by actions that real men with substance enjoy exercising.

I don't know who the quote belongs to, but "anything worth having and keeping is worth fighting for." That means us too, ladies. I think over time, we've gotten it all twisted. We've been wrongly fighting each other to keep a man for way too long now. Aren't you tired?

I need to know that my man wants ME. I won't have to ask him if he does. He'll show me, but I'll have to be patient in the meanwhile. I don't know how it'll happen or when. I just believe that it will.

The games have been fun. Playing house and all. It's really time that I look out for me. I am a caretaker. I'm a nurturer. I am a mother. I am a woman filling my own voids. I welcome interest, but I'm more curious about the man who'll keep my attention. Naturally...

These 30s are getting real fun! I'm realizing my options and understanding how FAITH works. My prayer is in the air. GODs air! I only need to prepare accordingly as the time ticks. So glad to be breathing in the meanwhile and of course, there are so many things that "I can" do as I wait...

Despair Dumped.

Network. It's Necessary!

"If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people" ~Virginia Woolf

We all know the cliché "it's not what you know, but who you know." Many of us have experienced what it means to "know the right person" or "knowing the right people." On some level at some point in our lives, we'll also (more than likely) agree that it feels great knowing the right people. It feels even better when the right person makes that connection with you (whatever it is).


This morning I was thinking about my network of friends. Yes, this would be my "inner circle." These are the people who know me well and who also accept me for who I am regardless of their personal opinions about my life. I trust them all, but with different things. They know exactly "what" they can come to me for and how reliable I am in certain areas.


My network of friends know their places in my life. We are all champions within our own rights and each of us respects the lanes that we each compete in. "Knowledge IS power" because when you know, you have the power to use what you're aware of when a decision has to be made.


Often an opportunity passes us by simply because we don't know or realize the opportunity at hand. We have to be honest with ourselves about EVERYTHING. Full acceptance of self including, my past, my present and my future, is helping me to shamelessly interact with others truthfully. 


It is what it is. I know what I know. I do what I do. I don't what I don't. I function best as I am! 
#1 Question: How may I help you? 


I'm so glad to have people in my life who I know well. I feel so supported when I reach out to them for various reasons. Our human nature is to feel needed in some way or another and when we acknowledge this, it's so humbling helping others. It is Thanksgiving month and we'll all be networking to help those in need.


Cherish the people within your network. Build. Extend Opportunities! Live. 

Focus Inward. Try You!

My mind is all over the place today actually. I have so many things that I can write about today, but I want narrow to my topic. A lot of what's circling within my thoughts has to do with my present unemployment status.

Allow me to "keep it real" and say that no, I don't want a job. Sorry to disappoint you if you're waiting to see that I'm looking for a career. The whole "be whatever you want" when you grow up is the song I'm singing, but I'm off key...

I will not beat myself up about the missed goal with staying at my previous occupation for at least 1-year. I knew during the interview that it would be a testy situation and boy was I tested. Three and three-fourths of a month isn't bad. Although, my attitude still isn't where I'd like it to be during stressful times.

I get mad fairly quickly and over the years I've tried different things to prevent this or to discover what triggers my anger. Now, I have grown. I'm not as quick to tell someone off. Even slower at letting a situation escalate into something that can lead to unpleasant consequences. I've learned to stay away from the unnecessary drama period!

But my last job, I arrived at work to meet drama. Almost on a daily basis. I could barely concentrate on my workload and I dreaded going to work not long after accepting the position. It was a great opportunity, but obviously not for me.

Being exposed to the behind the scene details with operating a thriving small business taught me something very valuable. Hard work pays off. Who reaps the real benefits when you're working for someone? I began to ponder on this thought after every payday.

Since I'm no longer working for anyone other than myself (raising my children & surviving), I can now explore some other options like starting my own business. What kind of business though? That's what I'm having trouble with. I have many skills and some talents that I keep hidden.

My sitting time has run short. It's make or break time FOR REAL. Either I'll just settle and get another job or I'll stop playing in my adulthood and bet on myself. GOD has me and I KNOW this. I've got the ball and it's my time to roll.

Be Responsible. It Helps.

It's funny that my focus today is about responsibility when I ran out of gas last night...

I didn't plan on getting out last night, but I did once again and I don't regret a thing! My gas light had been on earlier in the day and I knew that I had just enough in the tank to wait until morning. Now when I decided to go out I was in a hurry (as usual) and so excited to get to the destination that I completly disregarded taking care of business beforehand.

Thank GOD that I persuaded my GODsister to come out with me at the last minute. I almost went solo, but something kept telling me not to go it alone. So glad that I listened. As long as I waited for her to get ready, I could've gotten the gas in the meantime.

Okay, I'm guilty. I've run out of gas with every vehicle I've owned. Each time, I had money on me to purchase gas. I push beyond the limit with my pursuit of "not being so late," that I've ended up being even later or stuck in the middle of traffic with a dead car afterwards. You'd think I would've learned my lesson by now...

Well, I have (kind of). I have learned some valuable lessons from this experience. I'll never own and drive a vehicle without AAA roadside coverage. I consider beforehand how I'll get help if I do run out of gas, which keeps me from panicking when it happens. When I'm out late at night, if the gas is low I usually don't travel a far enough distance to be concerned with it.

Fortunately, I listened to that little voice instructing me to bring my GODsister out with me. I just might've made the same decision to just get there and worry about it later. This is a pattern that I have to monitor carefully in my life. Yes, procrastination is what we call this. Why do it?

I ask myself this all the time. I am improving in many areas, but in the area of safety and simple common sense I need some fine tuning. The only reason that I'm not embarrassed by my actions is because I knew subconsciously that it was highly likely to happen. I felt prepared enough to handle the circumstance.

Am I really giving myself credit for this? Self-check. 

What a day! Yesterday.

Oh, how I'm mentally marinating in such a blissful space in time at this very moment!

I feel like a kid with a cute crush. I believe I'm falling in love... again, again, and again! With life. I'm loving so many moments that I'm able to feel GODs presence within and there's an abundance of them continuously occurring.

Was it just yesterday that I realized this? Not really. Simply reminded! On yesterday I spoke with my neighbor, my cousin, my aunt, my homegirl (whom I haven't seen in over 10-years), and my playbrother. I saw them all in person individually at different locations. There is NOTHING like real-live time spent with the people you care about. Seems like it's never long enough when... it's all good.

Random 1on1 time with the people I enjoy just doesn't happen often enough because everybody is so busy. If only we could accumulate these brief moments led by a spiritual interest, we'd all save so much more than time and money! I'm honestly becoming more aware of how much I really do value what love is without feeling the need to wonder why... ;)

It's a tired Thursday, but I'll get through it because I can breathe. THANK GOD!!!

Acquaint Yourself. Be Nice.

Last night, my GODsister and I went out on the town again following laughs. Literally. We went to see "Screw the Rules Comedy Show" at Buffalo Wildbills. Can I just say that we absolutely love our new found friendly comedians/comediennes?! Yes, I said it.

It feels like we've known them for a while now, and we just became acquainted less than one month ago. Yes, I'm correct. Less than one month ago. Our first comedy spectating adventure happened on Oct. 5th. Time really does go by quickly when you're enjoying yourself.

How many times have you chosen to be nonsocial?

I'm a sourpuss more than I care to admit, but I'm also very friendly when I want to be.

What makes me want to be friendly? Usually, pure vibe. Sometimes, I just feel the need to go the extra mile with being kind (it's the GOD in me). Others, the interaction might be beneficial for both or either party somehow.

We made it to the show on time! My time management is under construction. The place was crowded and at first glance, it appeared that there wasn't anywhere to sit. I had just said to my GODsister (before we walked in) that I didn't want for us to have to stand and that we should be cool because we were on time (5+ minutes early).

When we walked through the bar area looking for a seat there were people sitting at every table. I thought to myself "we need to make friends with someone." We passed by a woman at a table alone and I just know she felt my vibe. I got the impression that she was happy all on her own. No warmth or inviting energy there.

Two tables down I noticed a nice looking man at a table alone and I approached him. I asked were the 2 stools beside him available and he answered yes. I could tell immediately that he was a cool guy and I asked if we could join him at his table. He welcomed us.

After introducing ourselves we conversed for a couple of hours and warmed up some laughs of our own before the show even started. I don't think any of us predicted this moment for the night. He even offered us drinks. Wasn't that extra special and nice? I'll say.

From the wrong perspective, one might think... "the nerve" and say that we invaded his space, but who's talking about anything wrong here? I'm not. The night was ALL right!

Thank you for your companionship and being so nice Cecil! So very nice to meet you. :)

Without? Not So.

I almost forgot to blog today. Can you believe that? :)

This has become so important to me. Blogging that is. I can feel the release taking place within me. I've been lighter on my feet and filled with so many more pleasant thoughts. Yes! Yes! This is exactly what I've been missing...

I think more about what I will, what I want, and how I'll pursue my dreams these days. Not so long ago, I forced myself to remove the pessimistic outlook that I was carrying about my future. Particularly, concerning relationships. It had gotten quite difficult for me to imagine sharing an intimate relationship that could lead to a life-long union with the right person. This department is still being renovated...

Because I'm not blogging from my personal computer today, I almost allowed myself to put it off until later. I don't have access to my picture library where I've been uploading the images from that accompany my blog. As I thought about it, (briefly) I realized that there's no need to opt-out of writing the blog due to a missing image for today (smiling). How dare I even consider breaking from my new (most pleasing) agenda because of?

So there will be no image attached to this blog today.

What means more to me is that I just get it done and I mean this enthusiastically! The personal development taking place as I write is something that I'm simply becoming more passionate about. I am improving in the area of consistency and I like it!

I have everything that I need right here and now to achieve what's important to me...