My Robin. Human Bird.

The one I was pregnant with, that a cutoff former family member tried to persuade me to terminate and not go through with "it" because she "didn't want me to be a statistic." I'm so glad, that I made up my own mind as I normally do. My baby girl keeps me on my toes because she's my wild child. She's enthusiastic about life, experiences and opportunities.

I remember missing my cycle in 2004. I didn't want to believe "that" I was pregnant because I had just told Mr. Man I didn't want to proceed any further in our relationship. Considering how I had just graduated from Pasadena City College with two Associate degrees and two vocational certifications, I thought the timing of my pregnancy wasn't too bad. Another unplanned, but still a blessing and gift.

Honestly, if I had interest in and wanted to create a new family with Mr. Man I believe he would've sided with me. I concluded, that he wasn't the man for me so I went through "this" pregnancy as a single mother by choice. "It" wasn't such a big deal to me experiencing "this" the second time.

When I told my mother, I remember like yesterday; she said, "How could you be so stupid?" I just replied, "how very rude, well there's no turning back now I'm having another baby and that's 'that'!" Rahbyn became my mother's "roadog" once she was born.

With "this" child of mine is where I learned what real parenting is. I had so much help with my firstborn daughter. When my second came along the help was all, but gone. The lifetime babysitter I thought I'd have around to help me raise 20 kids if I had them, passed away when I was 6-months pregnant. The LORD showed me how I had taken Ms. Mary for granted and "that" would be no more.

Of course, my youngest daughter would be the one to take me through all the "things" I missed raising my eldest daughter due to all the help I was privy to. Hardly anyone, aside from my mother would babysit Rahbyn because she was and still is, an attention seeking, busy-body, millions of questions-asking, child. There aren't many breaks with "this" one. Laughing within.

Because she possesses my curious personality, I have to keep close watch on her. I also, cannot trust many people to help me with her, because she can be overwhelming to handle at times and I don't want anyone to mistreat her out of frustration. She can be a bit too generous so I curb "that" as best as I can to prevent her from being taken advantage of.

I will admit, that because of the age gap between my daughters they each have to make personal sacrifices in order to keep us united as a family unit. What I mean by "this" is sometimes one can't participate in "something" which the other can and vice-versa. They have age appropriate interests "that" I must balance between. It'll be my youngest and I, once my eldest goes off to college this summer and I'll be able to give her more of my undivided attention.

Rahbyn Marie is an aspiring actress, gymnast, dancer and singer. 

Yes, entertaining is what she wants "to do." I've taken some beginning steps to help her reach these goals, but we're on hold while I do what's needed to ensure, that my eldest gets situated in college. I almost need a team or to become a supportive man's wife in order to pursue these acting dreams of hers aggressively because casting agents don't care about short notice nor do they understand my financial struggle and time constraints as a single parent. I'm brainstorming in the meanwhile how we'll approach a second round at "it."

The apple, which is one of her nicknames doesn't fall far from tree regarding intellect. She's much more compassionate than her sister and I. We're all sweet, but she's twice as. A little perfectionist who is also a role model for her peers. She excels academically, is passionate about learning, and likes to help. She's very loving too. I love my babies!!!

I named her Rahbyn because I wanted my children's names to sync and because I'm authentically unique, the spelling of her name is different from the bird name Robin. Yes, she sings too, but currently is more passionate about her acting, gymnastics and dancing. The sky is the limit and my human birds are going to fly high. No doubt. Manifesting!

My Black History: Day 18.

Welcome to my Black Present...

The night before last I finished watching a documentary on DJ Quik. TV One showcases some of the best documentaries on Black celebrities who haven't received the acclaim they deserve. Unsung, hands-down, educates me so much about many of the artists I'm a fan of.

It includes credible interviews/commentary from their family members, colleagues and close friends. I learn about their upbringing, their influences, some secrets and detailed insights about them as ordinary people. How they became stars isn't the primary focus, but of course, how they began their road to celebrity isn't omitted.

Unsung is one of my other favorite shows to record then catch up to watch when I find the time to sit still long enough "to do" so. 

#BlackEntertainmentResource

My Black History: Day 7.

I'm bouta be brief and finna goeta bed in a lil bit.

I ohno bout dem, but showl know lots bout me.

I be tryna do my best like I'm spoesta.

Language is an art. No one should be made to feel less equal than others because we speak differently. I, along with many of my friends had great elementary school teachers. We were fortunate.

My mother had a vast vocabulary, but still spoke in slang at home. So do I. Most of the women in my family mastered the art of grammatical English and standardized speech is something, "that" I'm very familiar with. When I was a little girl I had a "thing" for the dictionary. I still refer to the dictionary daily at some point or another. Either to check my own usage/spelling of a word or to better comprehend something I heard, but didn't quite understand.

In my lifetime, I've been referred to as "ghetto" just because I speak slang. Some have also accused me of speaking "proper" or talking "white." If I must be hit with an identifier-label, what does "this" really make me?

Prophetto/Ghetroper?! Ghettite/Whietto?! Laughing out loud... Heehee-Haha!

As I continue to teach my children right from wrong, I will also ensure, that they remain proud of whom we are as Black-Americans, but remember to never allow society, insiders/outsiders, or anything to box them into any ONE category.

Black people are so much better than what's thought, what's said, what's heard, what's felt, and seen by the mean. 

Living & Caring. Loving & Sharing.

Last week, while I was organizing some items I found a white board I had forgotten about. I decided to hang it up on the wall in our hallway, which connects our two bedrooms and bathroom. Initially, I was going to allow my youngest daughter to use it as her personal drawing board.

After observing how my daughters were competing with one another erasing what the other drew and personalizing their stuff with their signatures, I decided "that" the board should be used for a better purpose. A few days ago, I erased the board and wrote the following.

"Do not write on this white board unless you buy your own dry-erase markers or make a contribution towards the purchase of one." I'm so much like my mother. Laughing within.

I told my girls, that they were being wasteful by doodling on the board and if they wanted to continue doing "that" they'll have to furnish their own markers. Come on. I only have two. Yes, I said I. It's mine and I was simply sharing it with them. Seriously.

So, on my youngest daughter's birthday, I took it upon myself to erase my bold statement and created a happy birthday message on the board for her to see as soon she got up "that" morning. Would you know, I had to bring it to her attention first? Apparently, she was on the hunt searching for presents and completely overlooked my sweet and thoughtful art-piece.

I wish that I could post a picture of "it," but due to my lack of self-control the other day with my old iPhone, the picture is irretrievable because it was taken with "that" phone. Dang "it."

The morning after my daughter's birthday she erased my birthday message and drew her own thank you message. A complete disregard to my new rule, but what monster would enforce such upon a kind-thinking 10-year old? So, I let it be, but then of course my eldest had "something" to say about "it."

I came up with a better solution for the white board display in our home. I told my daughters, that we should be posting uplifting quotes & statements on "it." Some "thing" we can all read and appreciate; possibly carry with us throughout our day and perhaps, share with others. My eldest took the lead the same night I had my meltdown and decided to write out a positive quote referencing how we have the freedom to choose between being a prisoner of our pasts or be pioneers of our future.

I told her I had heard "that" quote before and she tried to take credit, but it's still a great start because it kept me thinking. Positively. The next day my youngest posted her own quote suggesting that we do something to help someone. We have a little momentum building with "this." I posted my own quote last night as today's statement. See below.

Reasoning to think better, live better and be a better example for my children and others.

Monday: Field Trip.

My cousin sent me a text message this morning inquiring about "something" inexpensive "to do." I went to visit with her and suggested going to the beach. Her boyfriend mentioned going to a museum and, that on certain days admission into the art museum is free.

So I researched. Yes, I googled "it." He was correct. At LACMA Los Angeles County residents can get in for free after 5 p.m. on some days; today being one. The disadvantage to "this" deal is that some exhibits close at 5 p.m. My children grew bored fairly quickly and I was disappointed that the children's art room closed at 5 p.m. too.

We made the best of our visit anyhow. The whole visit was free including the curbside parking across the street from the museum. Observing where tar is bubbling up through the lawn in some open areas was quite interesting. Being out in the breeze watching my cousin holding hands with her man was warming.

I could've done without my daughters whining about how hungry and bored they were though. Shaking my head (parents can no longer rely upon schools to open our children's eyes to new experiences). I'll just keep in mind, that I know my daughters will remember "something" from today's outing other than what they were complaining about...

Wonder what and where we'll explore next...?